Author: / Eileen Kelly /

Most people with vaginas are born with hymens; the hymen is a stretchy skin that, depending on the person, completely or partially covers the vaginal opening. However, the hymen isn’t a seal; there are small holes called hymenal orifices which vary from person with vagina to person with vagina. Once a person with a vagina reaches puberty, their hymen will start to wear away and–with time, hormonal changes, vaginal fluids, general activity (like stretching, walking, exercising, etc.) and sexual activity–will continue to wear.

Although the popular term “popped my cherry” refers to the hymen, hymens are rarely “popped” or broken. Since the hymen is just skin, there aren’t any nerve endings in it and many women don’t notice when their hymens are wearing away. However, when people with vaginas experience pain during their first vaginal entry or intercourse, they may be feeling hymenal micro-tearing or stretching. This puts pressure on parts of the vaginal opening that the hymen is attached to, which has a lot of nerve endings, and THAT’S why it hurts!

As common as it is to feel pain during your first intercourse or vaginal entry (fingering, etc.), it’s just as normal to not feel any pain. Thats because your hymen might be worn away (through daily activities) by the time you have your first vaginal sexual experience.

For centuries, many people have believed that the most obvious proof of a woman’s virginity is her hymen; the lack of a hymen has been considered evidence that a woman has been sexually active. But this is not the case! As we age, our hymens become less visible due to many reasons that aren’t necessarily sexual. There are also people with vaginas who are born without visible hymens. Another test for virginity is bleeding the first time you have sex. Personally, I never got my cherry “popped”, and I didn’t bleed when I first had sex, even though I was definitely a virgin! I have friends who bled their first time and I have friends who bled their first time being fingered. So it’s safe to say that this isn’t an accurate test or evidence of virginity.

In conclusion, every person born with a vagina is also born with a hymen. However each one is different when it comes to how the hymen appears and progresses. Some people with vaginas bleed while losing their virginities and some don’t. I will do another post on tips for losing your virginity because there are simple things you can do to make it less painful. All in all, I can’t say how it’s going to be for you, but I do know that everyone’s body is different and, when it comes to sex, it’s important that you communicate what does and does not feel good for you. Any and all sexual experiences should always be positive and it’s within your power to make it so!

Corinna, Heather. “Male and Female Anatomy.” S.E.X.: The All-you-need-to-know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You through High School and College. New York: Marlowe, 2007. 20-21. Print.

In terms of it’s anatomy, the vagina is often misunderstood. It is a muscle and, similar to your throat, it can be controlled; you can make it tight and narrow or loose and wide. A vagina opening cannot be ‘’measured’’ because the muscle can be in many different states. There are many myths about vaginas, such as: virgins have very tight vaginas and once you have sex it is permanently loose, or that promiscuous girls have very loose vaginas. How tight or loose your vagina feels is relative to how tight, relaxed, aroused or tense you may feel at that moment.

If you ever feel uncomfortable or too tight during sex, it may be because you are stressed or not very aroused. It’s important to stay calm and relaxed instead of stressing more. As an alternative, try becoming aroused through other sexual acts such as kissing, oral sex, fingering, etc. Once you feel more aroused, try vaginal intercourse again. Sex can be painful when your vagina isn’t loose or wet enough. You should never push yourself to have sex if it’s painful or if you don’t feel physically or emotionally ready. Take your time and go slowly, giving your body time to adjust and prepare for intercourse.

Often, especially as a teen or young adult, the entire experience of sex can feel rushed. People with vaginas need a fair amount of stimulation in order to fully loosen. When your vagina is stimulated, aroused and loose, sex shouldn’t be a painful experience. Many people with vaginas expect sex to be painful and thus don’t wait for their bodies and minds to be fully aroused and ready for intercourse.

Anxiety and stress make the vaginal muscle clench so, in order to have intercourse that is pleasurable and painless, it’s important to be comfortable and calm. If the vagina feels cramped or too tight during sex it can mean that the person is not interested in having sex, they are not comfortable with the situation, or they haven’t received proper foreplay and therefore their body isn’t ready. Generally, a person with a vagina needs 30-45 minutes of sensuality and foreplay before their bodies are warmed up for intercourse. For sex to be pleasurable for BOTH partners, it’s important that aforementioned foreplay understood and respected.

After the vagina expands and loosens when stimulated for intercourse, it contracts back to a tightened state. This proves that the vagina is a muscle and that sex does not permanently loosen or stretch the vagina. Being “loose” during sex simply means that you are fully relaxed and ready for vaginal sex–which is a good thing!

Since the vagina is a muscle, it can be strengthened–just like any other muscle in your body–through specific exercise. One way to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles is through Kegel exercises. This won’t actually strengthen or tighten your vagina itself, but it will strengthen the muscles surrounding it and will make the vagina feel tighter during intercourse. Kegel exercises can help with a variety of things, such as: heightening your orgasms, increasing bladder control and heightening sexual response. You can also use Ben Wa balls, which are inserted into the vagina and you contract your muscles around them. This exercise is very similar to Kegel exercises in terms of it’s benefits and effects on the body. Again, you can never have a vagina that is ‘too loose’’ but exercises like these can aid in the overall health of your vagina and can help with many sexual experiences.

Lastly, it is important to understand that we are all different. In the media–specifically in porn–we are used to seeing a hairless, pink, “perfect’” vagina. More often than not, these women have gotten plastic surgery and bleaching in order to have a vagina that fits this image. Very few people are born this way, and no ones vagina is more or less beautiful. We shouldn’t be brainwashed with images of unrealistic vaginas and myths about women and their sexuality and anatomy. Everyone’s body is unique!

Castleman, Michael. “The Rare Truth About “Tight” and “Loose” Women.” Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, 16 Sept. 2011. Web. 20 May 2016.

Engle, Gigi. “The Science Of Your Vagina: Why Women Don’t Get ‘Looser’ After Sex.” Elite Daily The Science Of Your Vagina Why Women Dont Get Looser After Sex Comments. N.p., 13 Mar. 2015. Web. 20 May 2016.

Martinez, Melysa. “Demystifying the Vagina: Does Too Much Sex Make Her ‘Loose’?” L.A. Weekly. LA Weekly, 03 Oct. 2011. Web. 20 May 2016.

This is a list that is in Heather Corinna’s book S.E.X., I’ve adapted some of the bullet points and added some I find important. I want to note that you don’t need to be able to check off everything on this list to have sex. However, I do believe it could be helpful to read over and think about these issues. It’s more of a list of suggestions that will help you feel ready for sex.

Starting to be sexually active is a big decision and it’s something that is often overlooked by society. When you begin to have sex you go down a road of ongoing actions you need to be taking from that point on. It creates a solid change in your life. You need to start having annual STI screenings, think about birth control, evaluating possible sex partners, and entering into relationships to name a few. If you are reading over this list and you find that most of the bullet points, you’ve thought about and can say yes to, then you’re probably ready to have sex. When you have time to think about and access your sexual situation, you usually make healthier sexual choices.

Materials:

• I have protection (barrier protection in the form of condoms) and I know how to use them
• I am on a form of birth control as a secondary method to condoms
• I have a savings account in the case of an emergency. And to also pay for birth control, protection, STI testing, any potential STI’s or pregnancy. And I am covered under a healthcare plan or have a service that can cover me.

Body and Health:

• I am healthy and so is my partner
• I have begun annual sexual health exams
• I have a doctor that I am comfortable with, whom I can call with any questions (Gynecologist for women)
• I understand my own anatomy and my partner’s anatomy
• I can relax and feel comfortable during sexual activity
• I can tell when I’m turned on
• I can handle a mild level of discomfort
• I understand the basics of sexual activity, STIs, human reproduction, and sexual health

Relationship Requirements:

• I am able to set limits. I know what consent is and that no means no. I am also able to uphold them and can trust that my partner will respect my wishes and vice versa
• I can assess what I want and separate it fro my partner, friends, or family want
• I can trust my partner and they can trust me
• I am able to communicate what I want and need sexually and emotionally
• I care about my partner’s health and general well-being
• My partner and I have talked about these issues before engaging in sex
• I can talk to my partner about sex openly and comfortably

Emotions:

• I can take responsibility for my own emotions, expectations, and actions
• I can handle being disappointed or upset about sex.
• I can separate sex from love
• I don’t seek to have sex to manipulate myself or my partner
• I trust my partner’s motives and I have good motives myself
• I am not in a abusive relationship
• I can emotionally handle a possible pregnancy or infection
• I have a trusted adult I can speak to about sex
• I have friends I can speak to about sex that won’t judge me but will support me
• I understand that starting to have sex might make me more attached to my partner
• My partner and I understand that having sex may change our relationship
• If my partner or I have strong religious, cultural, or family beliefs, we have evaluated and discussed them

We are constantly overwhelmed with diet ads and methods geared towards ‘counting calories’ or limiting your caloric intake in order to lose weight. These ads are toxic to our minds and bodies, and do more harm than we are even aware of. They make dieting and health seem like the same thing, and introduce restriction and and counting numbers as a way to gain some ‘ideal body.’ When we start calculating our height, weight, age, activity levels, etc. in order to get the maximum amount of calories we should consume daily in order to lose weight, we become obsessed with counting every single item we put into our bodies and the quantity in which we intake them. This creates a constant, and overwhelming, pressure to constantly calculate how many grams of fat, carbs and protein you have eaten, how many calories they total up to and how many calories you have left to consume that day. This also creates an approach to health that is based off of numbers; whether it’s our calories, our weight or how much we burned off at the gym, we are always calculating and micro managing our lifestyles. This is unhealthy not only to our physical health, but can be consuming, daunting and stressful to our mental health.

Instead of focusing on the numbers, we should be focusing on the content. Think about it this way: one hundred calories of almonds are about 19 almonds. That’s nothing. Almonds (and other nuts) are packed with healthy fats and protein that give us a ton of energy and nutrients. Compare that to soda. One can of soda (Coca Cola) is only 90 calories but it’s loaded with sugar (25 grams) and chemicals, has no nutritional value and no protein or fat. It’s pure carbs and makes your energy levels spike and then crash. Calories give us very little insight into the actual healthiness of the foods we eat. The contents of soda compared to nuts are vastly different, so 100 calories or soda and 100 calories of almonds are incomparable! According to Dr. Mark Hyman “In a study of 154 countries that looked at the correlation of calories, sugar, and diabetes, scientists found that adding 150 calories a day to the diet barely raised the risk of diabetes in the population, but if those 150 calories came from soda, the risk of diabetes went up by 700 percent.” Some of the best foods for us, such as coconut oil and avocado, are avoided by so many people for their high fat content, and therefore their high caloric count. Instead, people load up on sugary foods, ranging from sugary fruits to protein bars, and give their bodies immediate sugar fueled energy that is low in calories. Eating the high fat, high caloric foods will give our bodies a stable and grounding source of energy that allow for a slower and long term breakdown of calories in our body, which avoids the spikes and crashes of sugary foods.

As a young adult, I have seen my friends and those around me say they are going on a diet or will be ‘cutting out fats’ or ‘only eating 1,000 calories a day.’ All of our bodies are vastly different. Our lifestyles are different, our age, activity levels, there are countless factors of our daily routine and lives that factor into the way we should be eating and working out. There is no diet that works for every one! Instead, we should seek to educate ourselves on what is good for us, and then experiment. Figure out what works for you and what doesn’t, what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. This creates a more holistic and stable approach to health. Most of the time, any extreme diet that involves counting or totally cutting out a food group is temporary and challenging. If we understand what genuinely makes us feel our best, and start from the inside out, we can find lifestyle routines that really work for each of our unique bodies. These methods are almost always more long term and easier to endure, as the intentions aren’t to drop 15 pounds, get the perfect beach body or only eat protein. Instead, it is to feel your best, provide your body with the wholesome nutrients and content it deserves, and treat your body as your temple. We need to shift our approach to dieting and appearance into health and what’s in the inside. Of course, caloric restriction will probably make you lose weight, but you will likely only last a few weeks to a few months on it, be extremely tired and undersupplied with energy and feel weak. Calories are our energy source. There is no reason to control or limit the amount of it we put into our bodies.

As many of you know, I have the Skyla IUD. I get a lot of questions on Tumblr about how it feels to have one inserted and how much it hurts. Since I had mine put in three years ago, when I was 17, I didn’t remember the feeling too well until I recently got it replaced.

But I was coming up on the end of my third year with it so I got a new one!

I am in love with my IUD! It’s so easy, effective and safe. I almost never get my period, I have never had a pregnancy scare and it doesn’t mess with my hormones. All my friends who have gotten an IUD also love it, but everyone is different so your experience may not be the same as ours.

What is it:

An IUD is a T-shaped device that is either copper, which is toxic to sperm, or it contains hormones that prevent pregnancy. Your doctor will insert the IUD into your uterus and two tiny strings at the bottom of the T will remain outside the cervix. Other than abstinence, IUDs are the most effective form of birth control!

Before they insert it:

Before you get an IUD, they will give you an STD and pregnancy test. They will usually do this on the same day as the insertion. They will not give you an IUD if you currently have an STI because it can result in serious health problems. And, for obvious reasons, you can’t be pregnant.

IUDs remain inside you for anywhere from three years to ten years depending on which one you get. Right now there are three options: Skyla, Mirena, and Copper IUD. Your doctor will go over each type of IUD and, together, you will decide which is the best one for you. Don’t be afraid to ask questions! They will also have you sign a patient consent form.

How they insert it:

The IUD insertion is similar to getting a pap smear. They’ll give you a gown and ask your to remove your clothing from the waist down.

The gynecological chair has metal stirrups at the end of it that you’ll put your feet in and your doctor will then ask you to slide your bottom all the way down to the edge of the seat so they can position themselves in-between your legs. It might be intimidating to have someone that close to your vagina, especially when it’s not sexual, but you have to remember that whoever is inserting your IUD is a professional! They went to medical school and look at dozens of vaginas all day, everyday.

First, they will insert a metal device called a speculum (which resembles a duckbill) into your vagina to hold it open. This allows your doctor to see your cervix.

Next, they will insert a metal scissor looking thing called a Tenaculum Forceps which gently pinches the lips of the cervix, adding some pressure to align your cervical canal with the uterine cavity. The Tenaculum Forceps are left in your vagina for the remainder of the procedure. It’s keeping your cervix open!

Your doctor will then insert a metal rod that will measure the distance from the bottom of your uterus to the top of your uterus to figure out where the IUD will sit. The uterus should be around 6 to 9 cm. I personally find this part pretty uncomfortable. This is the furthest they will go inside your uterus-a spot that is never accessed unless your cervical canal is opened. It’s the farthest part up in your vagina to your uterus, which is never accessed unless they open your cervix canal. It can feel a little crampy because your uterus is not used to having anything in it so take deep breathes! I recommend taking some Advil or any NSAID about 45 minutes before your insertion. And don’t drink any caffeine. Once they’ve measured you’re ready for insertion!

Your doctor will insert the insertion tube through the cervical canal and into your uterus while your cervix being held open and your vagina being held open with another the device (speculum).

While the tube is up in your uterus, they will pull the slider back and release the IUD into your uterus. Then they will push the IUD up to the top of your uterus until it’s in the right place and then slowly pull out the tube, leaving the IUD in place. And boom! You have a brand new IUD! The tiny strings of the IUD will hang out of your uterus and into the very top of your vagina! No, your partner will never be able to feel your IUD, unless they have a speculum and are holding your cervix open LOL. They may be able to feel the strings, but it’s unlikely. If the strings are uncomfortable for you, you can have your doctor trip them.

Since your uterus is not used to having anything inside it (if you haven’t been pregnant before), it will most likely cramp. This is because your uterus is confused and the cramping is its way of trying to figure out what’s inside it. I would suggest bringing a friend to your appointment or arranging to have someone pick you up and immediately going home to nap. You will probably cramp for a few hours and that’s completely normal. The recovery is different for every one. Some people experience a ton of pain and some find it more tolerable. You may spot over the next few days and it may take a few cycles for your period to become regular. With the hormonal IUD, some women don’t get a period at all (I’m one of those). Don’t hesitate to call your doctor if you’re having irregular bleeding, any pain, etc.

How they remove it:

The IUD is removal is very similar to the insertion. Using the same devices to hold open the vagina, your doctor will grab the IUD and have you cough as they gently pull it out. This can cause a cramp-like feeling and you may have some spotting from some of the uterine wall coming out with it. Sounds scary but it’s completely normal!

I want to start this article by saying that I know some of the images we use are graphic but we are striving to de-stigmatize the use of hygienic products and normal bodily functions. I’m sure some of you don’t want to see these photos, but listen… women get their period. It’s a natural part of life. And guess what, our period is our body’s way of showing us we can one day bring new life into this world! Pretty amazing if you ask me. So, next time you say “ew” to a photo of a tampon or some blood on your underwear, ask yourself why you’re saying that? Is it gross if it’s natural? If every woman on this planet experiences it? No it’s not.. thank you!

I’m proud to say that I taught all my girlfriends how to use tampons when I did ballet in high school/middle school. I’ve always been very comfortable with my body and I don’t believe in being freaked out by something as common and simple as blood in my panties. I think it’s important to share that since I got my IUD a few years ago, I haven’t gotten my period or had to use a tampon. But I’ll share my tips.

How to insert a tampon:

• First, make sure your hands are clean. There are a few different options for tampons but I always preferred plastic applicators because they slide into your vagina a lot easier. They also make applicator free ones but you might want to get more comfortable with using a plastic applicator one before using one of those. (Side note: plastic applicators are bad for the environment, so recycle them! And as soon as you are comfortable to switch to a cardboard or applicator free tampon, I would suggest doing so)
• After washing your hands, sit on the toilet or stand with one foot up on the toilet, or however you’re comfortable.
• Hold the applicator with your dominate hand.
• Open your labia with your other hand so the tampon can slide into you vagina easily.
• Hold the tampon at a 45 degree angle. You don’t want to go straight up or straight back, somewhere in between. Aim towards your lower spine… the more you use them the more you’ll get used to it.
• Slowly insert the applicator until your finger reaches the surface of your vagina.
• It’s really important to relax while you’re doing this-the tampon isn’t going to hurt! Your vagina is made for intercourse and birthing babies, a tampon is very small in comparison and shouldn’t hurt. Make sure to breathe and relax your pelvic floor muscles.
• Once you’re relaxed, take your pointer finger and push on the applicator so the smaller tube pushes into the bigger tube. This will push the actual tampon out of the applicator and into the correct spot in your vagina.
• Pull out the applicator and recycle it. You should be able to see the only tampon string hanging out of your body and you shouldn’t really be able to feel the tampon inside of you. If it’s poking or feels unnatural, pull it out using the string and start over.

How to remove a tampon:

• You’ll remove the tampon using the string that’s already hanging out! Gently pull the string and it’ll come out, and you can dispose or flush it.

It’s important to remember you must change your tampon often! Also, use the smallest absorbency for your period to avoid getting Toxic Shock Syndrome.

Artwork by @majesstical

So as some of you know, I’m down in Miami right now attending Rolling Loud festival. This is the first festival I’ve gone to in awhile, the last one being Pitchfork last summer. I’ve been going to concerts and festivals for as long as I can remember. And I usually only go with friends my age so there’s no one really giving us any rules or boundaries. I’ve certainly seen my fair share of horrors at music festivals over the years. It’s from these experiences, that I’ve learned the negative aspects and how to avoid them. Once you, too, are aware of them, you can focus more on what really matters which is enjoying the music! Below, I’ll just list some good advice I’ve picked up along the way:

• Never take drugs from strangers! I’ve seen it a million times over, people passing around weed, molly, coke, you name it. People who are high themselves, wanting to share the “fun.” I have a friend who took a hit off a joint being passed around. Turns out, it was laced with PCP or LSD (he’s still not sure) and accidentally spent the rest of the evening tripping without his knowledge or consent; not a fun experience!
• Never buy drugs from strangers! I’m not going to tell you to not do drugs (or to do them, for that matter.) I figure if you’re planning on doing so, some blog post probably isn’t going to stop you. I do ask, however, that you please think twice before purchasing drugs from a stranger at a festival: You never know what they might be cut or laced with. I had a friend in high school who bought some drugs from someone, took a really low dose and almost had a seizure. When she later had the drugs tested, she found out they were laced with meth and codeine..
• Test your drugs. If you are going to do molly, know that there are testing kits you can buy online to test what is in your molly. It’s a good idea to test whatever drug you’re going to do before you do it. Once again, I’m not encouraging drug use at all. I think it’s better if you don’t do it. But– and this is something our drug education system as well as sex ed lacks– abstinence only education doesn’t properly prepare people should you decide to try it. Some people will try drugs, it’s an inevitability. And for some reason, our parents and schools find it convenient to ignore this. And instead of giving us real advice in case we do partake in such activities, they bury their heads in the sand, while we go through the hazards of figuring it out on our own. Most MDMA is cut with meth, codeine, and lots of other drugs that can cause you to hallucinate. Please test it!
• Alcohol safety. It’s important, as a young female myself, to know that date rape drugs are real. Don’t take drinks from strangers. And if you ever set your drink down do not pick it up later. Trust me, another $8 drink is worth not having drugs in your last one.
• Hydrate Hydrate!! Most of the best festivals are in sunny climates: Miami was in the 80’s today! And standing in a huge mosh pit, things can get hot and you can overheat easily. Bring water, bring money to buy water, and drink a lot! You don’t want to get dehydrated.
• Make a meeting spot. A lot of the time at festivals the cell service is shit. My phone normally doesn’t work at them. So make a meeting spot in case you and your friends lose each other. Easy ones are by the bathrooms, entrance, food carts, etc.
  Don’t roam around alone. I used to do this a lot when I was younger and learned from experience that there are a lot of creeps at festivals. It’s just better to have a buddy.
• Have a sober buddy. If you and your friends are doing any drugs or drinking, it’s smart to have a friend who stays sober or even tell a friend or family member (who’s chill with it) that you’re doing what you’re doing. That way, they can keep in touch just in case anything happens.
• Be careful who you trust! A lot of drug dealers will tell you they tested the drugs. Don’t trust them: make sure yourself, and buy from a trusted source.
• Ask for help!! Never be afraid to ask for help. I know if you’re on something, you’re going to think you’re gonna get in trouble if you need help (going to a cop or festival worker), but if you need help, get it! Safety first always.!They are there to help you. If you or a friend needs medical attention, please seek it. Don’t worry about getting in trouble.
• If you see someone who needs help, help them. I’ve been at festivals and seen people clearly tripping or curled up not having a good time. If someone looks really unwell, ask them if they need help. And then get a festival worker! Don’t turn a blind eye. Especially at outdoor festivals, where drugs raise your body heat and alcohol dehydrates you.
• Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable or get a bad feeling, trust it. Don’t wander around alone and stay in well-lit areas.
• And lastly, have fun! I really hope that these come in handy.

What is it?

Syphilis is an STI and bacterial infection. It is curable! However, if left untreated it can cause serious health problems such as neurosyphilis, which is a nervous system disorder.

Causes:

Syphilis is contracted through skin-to-skin contact with an infected person. Sores usually appear on areas such as the mouth, anus, vagina, or penis and is usually transmitted through oral sex or vaginal or anal intercourse. The sores are the contagious part of the infection that allow it to spread from one person to another when in physical contact. It is important to know that most people are unaware of the sores and unknowingly spread the infection to other people.

Symptoms:

The symptoms of syphilis are similar to many other STD’s and STI’s. There are four stages of syphilis. Some people have many symptoms, while others have none at all.

The four stages of syphilis:

The primary stage

The primary stage is usually an ulcer that forms in the area of exposure. This usually occurs about one to six weeks after the initial contact. Although these ulcers will disappear on their own, the infection is still inside the person and the person is still contagious. It is important to know that these ulcers may be inside your anus or vagina and therefore may go undetected.

The secondary stage

The next stage, the secondary stage, is a skin rash. This rash usually consists of large sores with infectious bacteria inside. Other symptoms, include fever, swollen lymph glands, weight loss, white patches inside mouth, headache, sore throat, and hair loss. Anyone who touches these sores are at risk of becoming infected. These symptoms can last for anywhere between a few months to a few years. They usually occur within six weeks to six months after infection.

The latent stage

The next phase is the latent stage. During this time, there are generally no symptoms at all. The person is unlikely to infect others during this stage although it is not impossible to do so.

The tertiary stage.

Lastly, the tertiary stage occurs when someone has been infected for an extended period of time. This is the most severe stage where the heart, liver, joints, bran, bones, and eyes are all at risk to being damaged by the infection. This can lead to blindness, mental illness, paralysis, deafness, dementia, heart disease and death.

Diagnosis:

To diagnose syphilis you can get the fluid from your unknown sores examined. Blood tests and spinal fluid tests can also be done to diagnosis this STI. It is important that all previous and current partners are tested as well and that after treatment you get retested to make sure the infection is fully gone.

Treatment:

Although syphilis can be a life threatening infection it can also be easily treated, usually with just a single does of penicillin. This usually works for someone who has been infected for less than a year. It is important to get tested for syphilis once a year in order to make the treatment process simple and easy and to avoid the health risks syphilis can cause if left untreated. If untreated for more than a year, additional doses on penicillin will be needed.

Prevention:

Barrier protection! So condoms!

Work Cited:

Corinna, Heather. S.E.X.: The All-you-need-to-know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You through High School and College. New York: Marlowe, 2007. 310-11. Print.

“Syphilis Symptoms, Causes, and Diagnosis.” WebMD. WebMD, n.d. Web. 06 May 2016.

I’m going to start this post by saying an ideal way to go through a breakup is for it to be mutual. But unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. And so, as most of us know, that comes to one person in the relationship having to make the decision to end things. I think it’s important to state that every relationship is different and therefore, there isn’t a “correct” way to break up with someone. That being said, I firmly believe that there are some wrong ways to go about it. I do think it’s worse to stay with someone that you’re not into anymore, and the mature, right thing to do, is to break up and move on.

This also isn’t some article or post where I’m going to tell you how it’s done or to give you instructions to follow step by step. Stay away from people who try to tell you how to run your life! We live in a culture that’s pretty obsessed with that. I have zero intention of telling you what exactly you should do. Instead, I am open to sharing different ways I have gone about it, what worked for me and what didn’t: What still pains me months later and what I got over in a day. So let’s start by reiterating what I put in the “how to get over a breakup” post and state again, that I have been in three serious relationships. And all of those I ended. I can share how I broke up with my boyfriends, how they differed, what I felt like I did wrong with one, I tried to change with the next. This also isn’t a post on what to do if you get broken up with, but talking from personal experience, how to end things yourself.

Figuring out Why?

The first thing I’ll start with is figuring out “Why you’re breaking up with someone or things are ending.” This is going to influence how you do it whether or not you realize it. Maybe you’re just not into your boyfriend/girlfriend anymore. Maybe they cheated on you or did something unloyal. Maybe you cheated on them? The list is endless. Maybe you’ve been trying to make it work and it just hasn’t and it’s time to bite the bullet. There are a million reasons, couples break up. And no one can tell you what’s right for you besides you! Even though some of my break ups hurt really bad, and even though I ended them, that doesn’t mean I didn’t miss my exes. But I also know for a fact, those were some of the best decisions I’ve made.

Doing it over text

Oh my god, this is so painful to write because I know I come off sounding heartless, but I have broken up with two of my exes over text. And it was because I was mad. So, I’m definitely not a saint and I know that it can do a whole lot of harm for someone’s ego when you dump them over a device. If you’re going to go this route (which I don’t recommend) then you need to be okay with things being over for good. It doesn’t give you a good set up for being friends with an ex. They’re going to feel humiliated and disrespected that you didn’t even have enough respect for them to at least say it to their face.

How has this type of break up played out now

I have since, become very good friends with one of my exes where I ended things over a phone. The relationship was pretty much over anyways so there wasn’t much heartbreak. In fact, the text was sent, and there was no closure, we were just done. And we didn’t speak for well over a month. That was the shittiest part, even though, I technically “called it off” I still didn’t feel like I got any closure and that burned for a minute. We did end up reconciling our differences later and becoming friends. I was also really young at the time… I wouldn’t change it now because I learned a lot and I went about my second break up a lot differently. And things were better!

During another break up I went through, I was really mad and ended things short and fast on text. And since then we have had little to no communication and I’m going to say that’s for the best and that we are probably never going to be friends. And I think that’s because I was cold in how I went about the break up and I imagine he’s gonna resent me for a long time. So if you’re fine with that, then I guess go for the text break up. But in my experience, it’s not the best way to breakup with someone. It’s definitely pretty callous, and you’re gonna leave a bad taste in their mouth.

Breaking up with someone in person

After my first break up, ending how it did, I really tried to be nicer and go about things with the second one differently. It’s important to note, though, that we broke up for very different reasons. But I broke up with this ex in person. I can honestly say it was one of the most awkward, painful things I’ve been through. This was the only time I got to see how badly I hurt someone in breaking up with them. Through all of that, I still knew it was the right way to do it. I even made a point of telling him that I respected him enough to do it in person. But nothing could have prepared me for how the whole thing played out. I remember reading guides online of how to break up with someone in person because, honestly, I was clueless. And, well, you really don’t know what you’re doing until you have to do it. He cried while I kinda sat there, confused. It ended and I went home. Some of my friends told me to do it at his place because then you can leave. And if you do it at yours, they might not leave.. uhhh. So I did it at his place, ripped off the band-aid and that was that. I remember reading really funny stories online: ones that were like, what if he’s the type that runs away from conflict? And that you’re supposed to break up with that type of person on a ferry boat so they can’t escape. Or how to dump a cheater. And to break up with them in Starbucks because that’s all a cheater deserves; to be dumped in a huge chain, lol.

What it did for me

I felt a lot better than the other break ups. I was really nice about it, explained my reasoning and then it was done. I felt better about myself because I was learning how to go about these things in a better way.

Timing

I think being mindful of timing is a courteous thing to do. I broke up with one of my exes right before he went back to school, and in my head, that was a nice thing to do so that way he could go enjoy himself. But according to him, I fucked up his school year. Yea, IDK. I also know someone who got broken up with the day before their birthday. I’m gonna say that’s probably not the best day to choose to break up with someone. But then again is there a good date? Probably not, right? But, undoubtedly, there are definitely some that are worse than others.

Clean Cut

This brings me to some wisdom that my mom used to bestow amongst my family. She believed in a the clean cut approach to relationships. She said when you end things, you end them, and that’s that. No communication. And maybe it was easier for her back in the day because she was in the dating game way before texting. But her reasoning was, that when you break things off and you guys stay away from each other, you are only left with the positive parts of the relationship. So you remember the good times of when you liked or loved each other. And when people speak after they break up, things usually get messy and then they take away from those pleasant memories. Think about divorced parents who hate each other. They didn’t always hate each other. But they kinda ruined things by keeping in contact a lot and then having so many negative new experiences or memories; one that overshadow the good ones from the past. My dad says that’s how she dealt with all her relationships; but I’m thinking she must have broken some hearts. But I imagine she didn’t crush their spirit by keeping in touch, only to find a new guy.

I used to be the girl that talked to all her exes and I can tell you, first hand, that it never helped me feel better. Things weren’t exactly platonic with all of them and things got messy easily. And it caused me a lot of stress and anxiety that could have been avoided, as I went through a little period of bouncing from ex to ex. And it took me a while to really work towards letting them go and being truly single! Having done so, I’ve been feeling the best I have in a really long time.

Conclusion

So from my experience, the best way I’ve broken up with someone is doing it in person, and then cutting things off entirely with them after. Granted it’s really hard, and certainly way harder than it sounds, but it’s only since I’ve done that, that I’ve felt as good as I do today. You can’t really expect to be able to move on if you’re still speaking to your ex all the time. I mean, think about it this way, I would never start things with a guy who is speaking to his ex all the time. If the ex is still in the picture, unless they’re 100% platonic, you’re likely destined to be number 2.

We are raised in a society where we often take pills to relieve our current anxiety, ailment, or illness. Often, we don’t think about the harmful effects, both in the long and short term, that these pills can have. Whether it is a prescription or an over the counter medication, these pills can be extremely bad for our bodies and minds and, in some cases, can cause more harm than good. Instead of simply medicating, we should try to analyze our recurring issues and target the root(s) of them. We should try to solve the cause of the issue, not just temporarily numb the symptoms. This can be done through a combination of lifestyle alterations, such as incorporating workouts into your life, changing up your diet, sleep cycle, work schedules, and a variety of other factors. But, for more immediate effects, homeopathic pills, oils and supplements can be incredibly powerful substances to help cure your current condition. Although many think these cannot be as powerful as a pharmaceutical pill, when used correctly, they can do the same job with minimal side effects and are definitely better for your overall health.

Anxiety is one of the most common mental illnesses. We often treat this condition with benzodiazepines and other harmful and highly addictive pills. Yet, we have ability to treat this common and often debilitating illness with naturally found plants, herbs and oils. We can also implement lifestyle changes like removing oneself from the environment that is fostering your anxiety and allowing it to grow.

One great switch to make in order to mitigate anxiety is switching from coffee to green tea. Going totally caffeine free can be hard for a lot of people. But coffee can bring immediate and intense feelings of energy and increased anxiety. Green tea is considered a “slow release” type of caffeine. Because of its chemical makeup, the caffeine in green tea releases over a longer period of time compared to coffee and has a steady, gentle caffeination effect without the intensity of coffee.

I personally am not a caffeine drinker because it gives me such bad anxiety. I don’t drink coffee and on rare occasions I will drink black tea. I have found by breaking the cycle of caffeine (I used to drink a lot more in high school), my body has learned to function great without it. I get adequate sleep and wake up refreshed in the morning. Of course, I know that isn’t possible for everyone. But I do know that pounding down a lot of caffeine will give you the jitters and result in much higher levels of anxiety.

Another great ingredient to treat anxiety is with Kava. Kava is a plant that is extracted and made into oils, teas, tablets and other products. Although it must be taken in small amounts (as large amounts can be toxic to your liver) it is used as a highly effective way to treat immediate anxiety. Many claim it is just as effective in treating anxiety as prescription drugs.

Lavender has proven to be another natural plant that is highly effective in treating anxiety. Unlike prescriptions drugs such as Ativan or Xanax, Lavender does not cause drowsiness, is not addictive and does not lead to dependency. Lavender can be taken in the form of capsules or oil. Capsules are often better as there is a given dose for usage, unlike oils. Lavender tea is also a great way to incorporate this herb into your day! You can also try getting a lavender oil spray or mist, and spritzing your pillow before you sleep. This will soothe you and help calm you down before you go to bed. Using lavender oil in a bath before you go to sleep has a similar effect.

Another great option is incorporating yoga, meditation or any type of endorphin-releasing exercise such as walking, biking and running– are all great ways to mitigate anxiety. Sugars and alcohol can also play a role in increasing your anxiety. Cutting out these two things, which can cause spikes in your blood sugar levels and hormones, can help to decrease the likelihood of anxiety symptoms.

I have struggled with anxiety over the years and seen a few different therapists and doctors. Luckily, I’ve gotten to the point where I rarely suffer from anxiety anymore. I know for a fact– from personal experience– I can trace every moment of debilitating anxiety to a source. Usually, my anxiety came from something in my personal life. Whether it was work, an ex-boyfriend, school, fighting with friends. I tend to be the type of person where those things affect me very deeply and can seemingly bring my life to a screeching halt. Something I have found that helps me– and after working with professionals in the treatment of anxiety without medication– is to simply turn off your phone and go for a walk around the neighborhood. Sometimes, I’ll keep the phone but only to play relaxing music as I enjoy the outdoors. It is very difficult to remind yourself in times of anxiety and stress, that there is more out there for you to see, that things will come back around and you will be okay. So sometimes, just turning everything off and coming back down to Earth really helps. Reading a good self-help book is also something I recommend. I recommend turning all your technology off; tell your friends/ family you are going to have some me time and will be unavailable or unreachable for an hour. And then go walk around. Try to remind yourself that you have felt that anxiety before, the pain before, and it’s not new to you. This will also help to remind you that you have gotten through it before… and that you can get through it again. Then, when you’re feeling calmer, try to reflect and figure out what made you feel that way and who or what you can cut out so those feelings don’t re-occur.

Work Cited:

“Anxiety and Panic Attacks Tamed by Homeopathy – Homeopathy Plus.” Homeopathy Plus. Homeopathy Plus, 14 July 2014. Web. 06 May 2016.

Boyles, Salynn. “Kava for Anxiety: Is Short-Term Use Safe?” WebMD. WebMD, n.d. Web. 06 May 2016.
“Lavender Reduces Signs of A
nxiety in Women – Natural Health Advisory.” Natural Health Advisory. Natural Health Advisory Institute, 11 Apr. 2016. Web. 06 May 2016.

“LAVENDER: Uses, Side Effects, Interactions and Warnings – WebMD.” WebMD. WebMD, n.d. Web. 06 May 2016.

Siena, Dustin. “The Magic of Green Tea: An Ancient Panacea for a Modern World.” Acupuncture Today. Acupuncture Today, n.d. Web. 06 May 2016.