Most people with vaginas are born with hymens; the hymen is a stretchy skin that, depending on the person, completely or partially covers the vaginal opening. However, the hymen isn’t a seal; there are small holes called hymenal orifices which vary from person with vagina to person with vagina. Once a person with a vagina reaches puberty, their hymen will start to wear away and–with time, hormonal changes, vaginal fluids, general activity (like stretching, walking, exercising, etc.) and sexual activity–will continue to wear.
Although the popular term “popped my cherry” refers to the hymen, hymens are rarely “popped” or broken. Since the hymen is just skin, there aren’t any nerve endings in it and many women don’t notice when their hymens are wearing away. However, when people with vaginas experience pain during their first vaginal entry or intercourse, they may be feeling hymenal micro-tearing or stretching. This puts pressure on parts of the vaginal opening that the hymen is attached to, which has a lot of nerve endings, and THAT’S why it hurts!
As common as it is to feel pain during your first intercourse or vaginal entry (fingering, etc.), it’s just as normal to not feel any pain. Thats because your hymen might be worn away (through daily activities) by the time you have your first vaginal sexual experience.
For centuries, many people have believed that the most obvious proof of a woman’s virginity is her hymen; the lack of a hymen has been considered evidence that a woman has been sexually active. But this is not the case! As we age, our hymens become less visible due to many reasons that aren’t necessarily sexual. There are also people with vaginas who are born without visible hymens. Another test for virginity is bleeding the first time you have sex. Personally, I never got my cherry “popped”, and I didn’t bleed when I first had sex, even though I was definitely a virgin! I have friends who bled their first time and I have friends who bled their first time being fingered. So it’s safe to say that this isn’t an accurate test or evidence of virginity.
In conclusion, every person born with a vagina is also born with a hymen. However each one is different when it comes to how the hymen appears and progresses. Some people with vaginas bleed while losing their virginities and some don’t. I will do another post on tips for losing your virginity because there are simple things you can do to make it less painful. All in all, I can’t say how it’s going to be for you, but I do know that everyone’s body is different and, when it comes to sex, it’s important that you communicate what does and does not feel good for you. Any and all sexual experiences should always be positive and it’s within your power to make it so!
Corinna, Heather. “Male and Female Anatomy.” S.E.X.: The All-you-need-to-know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You through High School and College. New York: Marlowe, 2007. 20-21. Print.