This is a list that is in Heather Corinna’s book S.E.X., I’ve adapted some of the bullet points and added some I find important. I want to note that you don’t need to be able to check off everything on this list to have sex. However, I do believe it could be helpful to read over and think about these issues. It’s more of a list of suggestions that will help you feel ready for sex.
Starting to be sexually active is a big decision and it’s something that is often overlooked by society. When you begin to have sex you go down a road of ongoing actions you need to be taking from that point on. It creates a solid change in your life. You need to start having annual STI screenings, think about birth control, evaluating possible sex partners, and entering into relationships to name a few. If you are reading over this list and you find that most of the bullet points, you’ve thought about and can say yes to, then you’re probably ready to have sex. When you have time to think about and access your sexual situation, you usually make healthier sexual choices.
Materials:
- I have protection (barrier protection in the form of condoms) and I know how to use them
- I am on a form of birth control as a secondary method to condoms
- I have a savings account in the case of an emergency. And to also pay for birth control, protection, STI testing, any potential STI’s or pregnancy. And I am covered under a healthcare plan or have a service that can cover me.
Body and Health:
- I am healthy and so is my partner
- I have begun annual sexual health exams
- I have a doctor that I am comfortable with, whom I can call with any questions (Gynecologist for women)
- I understand my own anatomy and my partner’s anatomy
- I can relax and feel comfortable during sexual activity
- I can tell when I’m turned on
- I can handle a mild level of discomfort
- I understand the basics of sexual activity, STIs, human reproduction, and sexual health
Relationship Requirements:
- I am able to set limits. I know what consent is and that no means no. I am also able to uphold them and can trust that my partner will respect my wishes and vice versa
- I can assess what I want and separate it fro my partner, friends, or family want
- I can trust my partner and they can trust me
- I am able to communicate what I want and need sexually and emotionally
- I care about my partner’s health and general well-being
- My partner and I have talked about these issues before engaging in sex
- I can talk to my partner about sex openly and comfortably
Emotions:
- I can take responsibility for my own emotions, expectations, and actions
- I can handle being disappointed or upset about sex.
- I can separate sex from love
- I don’t seek to have sex to manipulate myself or my partner
- I trust my partner’s motives and I have good motives myself
- I am not in a abusive relationship
- I can emotionally handle a possible pregnancy or infection
- I have a trusted adult I can speak to about sex
- I have friends I can speak to about sex that won’t judge me but will support me
- I understand that starting to have sex might make me more attached to my partner
- My partner and I understand that having sex may change our relationship
- If my partner or I have strong religious, cultural, or family beliefs, we have evaluated and discussed them