Acne

Acne is a skin condition that occurs when your pores become clogged with oil and dead skin cells. The most common form of the condition is known as acne vulgaris. This type of acne is made up of lesions such as blackheads, whiteheads, pimples, nodules or cysts. Acne occurs when your body produces too much sebum or oil, as well as keratin, which binds skin cells together so they clump and ultimately block your pores (“Acne”). Nearly every one has suffered from acne at one point in their life. In fact, more than 80% of all people in the US have had acne (Purdy). Contrary to popular belief, acne is not caused by poor hygiene. It is caused by the overproduction of sebum, the clogging of pores, and inflammation (Mooers 22). Without inflammation, acne would be flat and unnoticeable. It would be made up of blackheads and whiteheads. But with inflammation, these lesions swell and protrude out of the skin causing painful, red pimples that are noticeable. Acne results from toxins inside your body pushing themselves out through your pores. It usually means something is wrong inside of you and it is getting your attention. Instead of treating the symptoms of acne, try to figure out what the cause of it is. You may ask yourself why do our pores clog? Why does our skin or our clogged pores inflame, making the problem worse? There is not a lot of data or understanding on the actual science behind the cause of acne. However, there are some guesses as to what is responsible. Insulin-like growth factor-1 or IGF-1 is the hormone responsible for human growth (Mooers 24). It is most active during puberty. IGF-1 is in charge of our oil glands and can make acne worse by making them secrete more sebum. It also causes dead skin cells to stick together which blocks pores and causes acne. Devin Mooers in his book Clear Skin Forever explains how it works, “Skin cells die naturally all the time, as your skin renews and replaces itself. These dead skin cells are supposed to exit the skin through the pores, but essentially, IGF-1 prevents these dead cells from leaving, by clumping them together and binding them to the inside of your pores” (Mooers 24). The problem is that certain foods cause an increase in the production of this hormone, causing acne. Spikes in blood sugar do the exact same thing. This is because of the hormone Insulin. Insulin removes excess sugar from the blood and uses it for energy (Mooers 26). When a person eats large amounts of sugar, their blood sugar rises very quickly. When this happens, blood sugar levels can stay elevated. When a person’s blood sugar spikes, their skin is told to produce more sebum than normal, which is ultimately what clogs pores.

Genes have a role in acne, as well. That might explain why some people can eat all the sugar they want, dairy, gluten– all foods that normally cause acne– and not have any. However, epigenetics gives you the power to change your genes. Every person has about 20,000 genes. What is not commonly known is that these genes can be changed depending on your diet and lifestyle (Mooers 37). As Devin Mooers puts it, “your body can change the way your genes behave, and you can pass those changes on to your offspring, without altering your underlying DNA” (Mooers 38). This relates to acne because if you live an acne free lifestyle, treating your body well, you can build up “a reserve of epigenetic wealth” (Mooers). So even if you were not lucky with your genes and inherited acne prone skin, you can still make changes to have clear skin. Studies show that twins with acne are more likely to have a family history of at least one non-twin sibling with acne, one or both parents with acne, and at least one child with acne compared with twins without acne (Purdy). This reinforces the idea that it is partially a genetic condition. However, if you eat well and follow an anti-acne diet then you can start to build a reserve of epigenetic wealth from which your children will benefit.

Other acne causes include stress and the amount of sleep you get. Getting enough sleep is necessary for ridding yourself of acne. Sleep is the way our bodies recharge. It allows our immune systems to repair themselves and for both body and mind to rest. Stress causes acne by releasing cortisol: A hormone designed to block insulin from turning glucose into energy (Mooers 86). It makes your cells insulin resistant. Cortisol causes inflammation and also the overproduction of sebum. Finding ways to reduce stress efficiently can be tricky, but there are hundreds of ways to do it. Talking to a therapist, doing yoga, or exercising are but a few ways to reduce stress. Exercise releases endorphins in the brain that are shown to reduce stress. It also causes you to sweat, which pushes toxins out of your pores.

Acne is a billion dollar industry and pharmaceutical companies are profiting off of this skin condition that can be controlled without any drugs. There is a great debate on the effect of diet on acne. And even though acne is one of the most widespread medical conditions, there is still little known about certain cures. There is no doubt that there is a relationship between acne and certain foods. However, pharmaceutical companies are keen to keep public knowledge thereof to a minimum. You may be wondering, if diet has an affect on acne, why hasn’t my dermatologist told me this? This is because they tend not to know anything about it. Most medical schools have a minimum of 25 hours of required nutrition classes. However, most medical schools fall short of this (Mooers 13). So unless your doctor is holistic or naturopathic, they probably believe that diet and acne have no correlation. The medical industry is like a large pyramid with corporate companies sitting at the top. These companies, such as pharmaceutical ones, grain-grower companies, and the dairy industry are all interested in profits. Their main goal is to make money, not the health of the people (“The Truth About Acne and How Big Pharma Is Making Billions.”). Pharmaceutical companies largely fund many medical schools, so your doctor is getting their years of schooling without the proper education on anything that would hinder the profits of these corporations. Doctors learn for years about the treatment of acne symptoms with different drugs but not about the actual cause. And how what we put into our bodies can affect what comes out of it through our skin.
The problem with almost every acne treatment on the market is that it does not treat the root cause, but instead tackles only the symptoms. And most of those treatments are hazardous drugs that attack the acne from the outside. If you go to a dermatologist, they will treat acne in the ways that they learned in medical school, starting with first-line treatments such as topical remedies and then moving on to more intense second line treatments, or oral drugs. Acne can be treated medically in a number of ways. One of those ways is with topical treatments, such as benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid. Topical treatments are used for mild or moderate acne and reduce bacteria on the surface of the skin (Hamilton 238). Topical antibiotics are used against inflamed lesions and topical retinoids are used in treating both inflammatory and noninflammatory lesions (Purdy 950). If topical treatments are not effective, then oral treatments are prescribed. These treatments include oral antibiotics and contraceptive pills. And last, but not least, if those do not work, oral retinoids are prescribed. Known as Accutane, oral isotretinoin is a synthetic form of vitamin A (Purdy 951). It dries up the pores and severely changes the amount of sebum produced. Almost all of these treatments are not permanent, so when one fails, you move on to the next. It is a never-ending cycle of acne and treatment and then when that treatment fails, moving on to another. All the while, the pharmaceutical companies are profiting.

I know I am not a doctor or a nutritionist. I do know, however, that I have dealt with acne in the past. And the only thing that has worked for me is changing my diet. I went and got an allergy test and found out that I am allergic to corn and dairy. Not deathly allergic, just that my body doesn’t do well with them. And I know to stay away from those foods and my skin is clear when I do. I also try to keep my sugar to a minimum and whenever I don’t eat a lot of sugar, my skin is great.

There are four main foods that cause acne. They are dairy, sugar, vegetable oils and gluten. Dairy is one of the worst foods for acne, specifically cow’s milk. Just as was mentioned earlier, IGF-1 is one of the main culprits for acne. And cow’s milk is loaded with it. As Mooers puts it, “Cow’s milk is meant for rapidly growing calves and it is full of bovine IGF-1, which is identical to human IGF-1” (Mooers 25). So by drinking cow’s milk, your IGF-1 levels will increase causing clogged pores. Mother cows are injected with hormones so that they produce milk even if they have not just given birth. So when drinking milk, your insulin levels and your IGF-1 levels spike. Dr. William F. Danby of Dartmouth Medical School says, “These two polypeptide hormones work together to open the male hormone receptors that turn on acne (both in males and females)” (Rognlin). Dairy makes your skin produce excess sebum and clogs pores by binding dead skin cells inside your hair follicles. The raised levels of IGF-1 also promote inflammation. Now if dairy causes acne, how come some people can consume it without showing signs of acne? This is because they are simply the lucky ones who are missing a hormone/gene combination that is present in about 90% of the population (Rognlin). Similar to what was discussed when talking about acne and genes earlier.

Sugar is unhealthy, simple as that, yet it is in the majority of western foods. Just take a walk down any aisle at the grocery store and it is packed into almost everything on the shelf. It is in cereals, fruit juices, candy, ice cream, etc. It has embedded itself into the Western Diet. Sugar is proven more addictive than crack cocaine (Lenoir). So it can be hard to cut it out even if it’s effects are negative. Due to the fact that we are not supposed to consume large amounts of sugar, when we do, it sets off reward signals in our brains that makes self-control extremely difficult. Sugar causes acne by causing your blood sugar levels to rise, and your pancreas to produce insulin in order to process the sugar. Eventually your pancreas will not be able to keep up with the sugar needing to be processed. And then, when you are not producing enough insulin, your blood sugar levels rise and stay that way. If you are consuming moderate or high levels of sugar, then your immune system will not be able to keep up (Mooers 48). And what will show from the outside is acne and inflammation.

Vegetable oils such as canola, rapeseed, sunflower, safflower, soybean, corn, and cottonseed oils, shortenings, and margarine are all detrimental for your body and your skin (Mooers 48). Most vegetable oils are full of trans fats. Trans fats increase your LDL cholesterol and reduce your beneficial HDL cholesterol (“The Truth about Fats: Bad and Good.”). They are extremely hazardous to your health and can increase your risk of heart disease and stroke. As Devin Mooers put it, “Trans fats completely destroy your cholesterol levels and physically clog up your arteries” (Mooers 48). Many vegetable oils contain them due to the “extreme pressure, solvents, deodorizers, bleaches, and heat processing required to extract and refine the oils” (Mooers). Vegetable oils and seed oils also contain omega-6 fats and almost no omega-3s. Omega-6 fats are known to cause inflammation, so these oils cause acne by doing just that (“Omega-6 Fatty Acids.”). And with almost no omega-3’s, which are known to reduce inflammation, consuming of vegetable oil causes acne. Vegetable oils are also known to reduce your skin’s germ-fighting ability. Your body needs medium-chain fatty acids to fight off germs in the skin, which vegetable oils do not contain. So when you consume them, you are depriving your skin of the fatty acids needed to fight bacteria and ward off acne (Mooers 50).

Gluten affects skin by spiking blood sugar and causing a rush of insulin. When gluten is consumed, the body tries to break it down into amino acids, which is what it does with all proteins. But most people lack the enzymes necessary to break them down. So when your body cannot break down the gluten, it passes through your small intestine, damaging it (Mooers 52). If your small intestine is damaged then your ability to absorb nutrients compromised, which leads to acne. Many people are gluten sensitive without knowing it and their specific allergic reaction can come in the form of breaking out.

Acne is an epidemic that affects people in the Western world more frequently than it affects others. This fact, once again, backs up the idea that acne is caused by diet. In one study, researchers spent seven weeks comparing the skin of people from Kitava Island, Papua New Guinea, Ache people in Paraguay and typical American teenagers (Lange). There was no acne found in the 1,200 persons that they studied in Papua New Guinea. The people studied ranged from age 15 to 25. Of the 115 people studied in Paraguay, no acne was also found (Lange). Those in Paraguay eat a similar diet to those in Papua New Guinea however, they also eat animal protein. What is missing from their diets that is prevalent in Western diets are high-glycemic foods such as white flour (gluten) and sugar. And also, anything processed. Acne affects almost 90% off all adolescents in Western societies (Cordain). And in non-western societies it is almost non-existent. Some may say it has to do with genetics and environmental factors, but if you compare diets of Western and non-Western populations, you can identify the culprits of acne.

Acne affects nearly 50 million people in the US and it is believed to be caused by our Western Diet (Cordain). However, non-Westernized populations whose diets rely on local vegetables, fruits, meats without hormones, and fish show little to no signs of acne. Western diets are composed of heavy amounts of processed foods containing high amounts of sugar, gluten, and oils. Just take a walk down any lane at the grocery store and you will see cereals, chips, canned food, boxed food all loaded with chemicals to make sure the food doesn’t spoil. It’s all unnatural. I know that it can be time-consuming and sometimes more expensive to eat clean and unprocessed but I personally think it’s worth it whenever you can! And this is important information that has helped me with my skin!

The truth is that cosmetic and pharmaceutical industries are profiting off of our insecurities. They have created a customer base that is hooked on buying products for occurrences like dry skin/hair, oily skin/hair, acne, aging, redness and more. Skin care products make up the largest part of the global cosmetic industry (35.3% in 2014). In the United States alone, the cosmetic industry is estimated to make $62.46 billion in revenue this year and will only continue to rapidly grow. Companies who sell beauty, skincare and haircare products are looking to target the insecurities of their customers in order to rein in large profits. As a result, we end up spending hundreds of dollars on chemical filled products in order to mitigate our ‘flaws.’ How many times do you read the ingredients on the label of your products and can’t pronounce most, if not all, of them? Or go to your dermatologist to get a topical acne cream the dries out, irritates, inflames and covers your skin in harsh chemicals? By buying these products you are not only avoiding the cause of your skin problems, you are also causing additional damage to your skin, health and budget. The industry is more concerned with getting you hooked on spending money on their products than they are on actually fixing your condition(s) or targeting the root issues.

Gender Binaries

Transgender: someone whose gender identity is different than their biological sex.

Transsexual: term used to describe a transgender person who is looking to or has changed their biological sex to match their gender identity.

Transwoman: someone who is or was biologically male and identifies as female.

Transman: someone who is or was biologically female and identifies as male.

Transvestite or crossdresser: a person who dresses or performs the mannerisms of a sex or gender that is different than their own.

Genderqueer: someone who rejects typical binary systems of sex or gender and therefore create their own gender identity.

Cisgender: term for someone whose gender matches their biological sex. So for example: I am cisgender. I was born female and I identify as female.

Sexual Identity

Everyone has a sexual identity and orientation. And there are a lot more out there than just gay or straight. New terms have been developed to describe people who have their own sexual identity that doesn’t quite fit the current standard. Everyone has a different orientation and accepting yourself is the first step in accepting others.

I know personally, that in the past I did not believe in labels. If you go back on my Tumblr there were times in the past where I didn’t call myself a feminist and I was very elusive with my sexual orientation. I simply said I didn’t believe in labels and I didn’t think you had to label yourself one way or another. For example, I didn’t think I had to call myself a feminist to be one. And similarly, I didn’t have to call myself or decide if I was bi-sexual to be sexually fluid.

As I have grown up, I’ve gained new experiences and new insight. I still understand where I was coming from, but just because I didn’t like the concept of being labeled, doesn’t mean I didn’t have one. Heterosexuality is a sexual orientation. Just as Bisexuality is one. And being attracted to whom you are attracted to and not caring about a label or why you are attracted to those people is also a sexual orientation. We are making great strides in understanding human sexual behavior and gender roles. Yet, it’s something that is still very taboo and misunderstood. Humans are extremely complex and made up of different parts: we are physical, mental, emotional, and sexual beings. Questioning and beginning to figure out your sexual orientation and identity is an important undertaking, and we must also understand that everyone is different and there is not one sexual orientation.

First, let’s start with some descriptions of the different words used to describe human sexuality.

Sexual orientation:
This term describes the sex or sexes, gender or genders to which you are sexually, emotionally or romantically attracted.

Common orientations are :

Heterosexual :
attracted to the opposite sex or gender

Homosexual : attracted to the same sex or gender

Bisexual : attracted to both sexes and genders

Pansexual: attracted to all sexes and genders

You can go to my other post on sexual acronyms for a list of different sexual orientations.

Sexual Preference:
This is being sexually attracted to a specific type of person. So maybe you’re only into brunette guys. Or you like someone who plays soccer. This also refers to sexual behavior, so maybe specific sexual acts that you prefer over others. It’s important to note that your sexual orientation is not a sexual preference. However, within your orientation, you can have sexual preferences. So for example, I am attracted to both genders but not to every person of both genders. And I tend to only be romantically involved with men although I have had sexual experiences with women. And that is a sexual preference that I have been exploring.

Sexual Identity:
Sexual identity is the term that is personal and includes everything about you. It’s the term to describe your sexuality. It can include your sexual orientation but is not limited to it. It can include what types of relationships you like, what your physical sexual preferences are, your experience, your interests, etc. Sexual identity is the most fluid term. Your sexual identity will most likely change over the span of your life, it will evolve and develop. I know for a fact, how I viewed myself as a sexual being has changed immensely since I was in high school.

It’s important to remember that, yes, we are sexual beings. And for me personally, my sexuality and sexuality, in general, is a big part of my life. It’s something that I’m passionate about. However, there are many other parts of life that are interesting and hold meaning. There is no rush to figure out who you are, what your identity is; like I said, it will most likely change. Your current sexual identity is yours and yours only and it doesn’t have to be your whole identity and you don’t have to share it with others if you don’t want to. I just find it interesting to be aware of this stuff. And if you are struggling with identifying yourself that it’s okay! And sometimes it’s a slow process. We are all living one life.

Acronyms: LGBTQA

L = Lesbian

G = Gay

B = Bisexual

T = Transgender or Transsexual

Q = Questioning or Queer

A = Asexual (someone who doesn’t feel sexual or attracted to anyone.

I = Intersex

P = Pansexual (attracted to all people of all sexes and genders)

O = Omnisexual or other

You Have The Power To Choose A Healthy Sex Life

In this day and age, we have the resources to understand and develop a more well-­rounded sexuality. Sexuality is very personal to everyone. We all have different sexual preferences, sexual orientations, body images, relationship needs, gender identities, and biological differences­­- that can all make sexuality overwhelming. But there are abundant resources to help us understand this natural part of being human.

Your sex life should be enjoyable! It should be happy and it should be fulfilling. And whether you wait to remain a virgin till you’re married or for the entirety of your life, one thing remains constant: your sexuality is yours and yours only. Every choice you make sexually should come from a healthy and happy place. As you grow up, your sexual preferences will most likely change and adapt. You will figure out what turns you on and what makes you feel emotionally sound. And as that happens, it is important to make smart and healthy choices: ones that are right for you!

As Heather Corinna says in her book S.E.X., “You have the unique opportunity to create,explore, nurture, and enjoy an authentic, personal sexuality that is beneficial to you and others, that is healthy and balanced, that is informed and empowering, and that allows you to find and express intimacy, joy, and pleasure in your life.” (10).

We live in a sexually repressed society. I have created this blog on the internet to feed into the movement of normalizing sexual behavior. And on a larger scale, to hopefully draw attention to the issues that we all run into when dealing with our sexuality. It’s important to claim our sexuality to celebrate it! That’s not me telling you to run around and have sex with everyone, it’s me telling you to educate yourself and those close to you! There is so much to study and learn from our bodies and sexuality. We have the power to make this a safer society and a happier one, too. And it all starts by talking.

When They Play You

I think we’ve all gone after that one guy or girl who plays you. And what I mean by “playing you”, is that they act completely differently when they’re with you than when they’re not: Whether you run into them the next day– out with another girl– or they just never hit your line again.

It always leaves you wondering if you’re crazy and made the whole story up… or maybe they’re just fucked up. Like that one guy who says he wants to date you and you guys hook up. And then he doesn’t text you for days. Or recently, I had a fun one where I went to dinner with a guy and had been hanging with him, only to see him out the following night with another girl. Now don’t get me wrong: I know I can get another guy in a second, as can you. But there’s something about the one who doesn’t treat you like you know you should be treated, that just gets to you. It fucks with your ego. And it gets you asking yourself a million questions. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I haven’t been into these guys before or that they haven’t hurt my feelings. But an incredibly helpful thing I learned, that has helped me to be much less affected when people like this walk into my life, is to never take anything personally. When someone doesn’t text you back even though you think you guys might have something– or when you see them out with someone else– you need to remember it has nothing to do with you. Someone else’s actions don’t relate to you… they relate to them. Their actions are the result of something going on in their life. It doesn’t mean that you’re not great, it honestly doesn’t even mean they’re not into you! But humans are fucking complicated. I know in the past when I haven’t texted a guy back, even when maybe I appeared to be into him, it was usually because I was going through something or it didn’t fit me in that moment.

You’re going to go through this many times in your life. I think it’s just important to remember that this too will pass. And that at least you guys weren’t married with kids or something. A player plays people and runs through people’s’ feelings for many reasons. It’s usually the result of trust issues or maybe being too immature. Or perhaps they’re just afraid of what they actually want. This post isn’t about changing them: after all, you can’t change anyone but yourself. But it’s about not being so affected when someone does play you and fucks you over…. And how to move on. And maybe next time to be more aware of what you’re getting yourself into. If someone isn’t making a conscious effort to hang with you and be good to you, then fuck them! You deserve better.

Morning After Pill

The morning after pill is emergency contraception that can be used to prevent pregnancy after unprotected sex. If an accident happens (condom breaks, forget to take your birth control pills, your partner doesn’t pull out in time) and you had unprotected sex, you can take the morning after pill to safely prevent yourself from getting pregnant.

How it works:

You don’t get pregnant immediately after sex. It can take up to six days for the sperm and egg to join. What emergency contraception pills do is they keep a woman’s ovary from releasing an egg for longer than usual which prevents pregnancy from occurring because the egg and sperm can’t join.

Morning after pills are not abortion pills they are a form of emergency birth control.

Effectiveness:

The morning after pill is extremely effective. If taken within 72 hours after unprotected sex, it is 89% effective. Now saying that, it’s not something you should be taking regularly, it’s called emergency contraceptive for a reason. Don’t use it as a form of birth control and take it after sex every time. You should think about going on some form of birth control if you’re sexually active.

Is it safe?

Yes, it is safe but it’s not something you should be taking regularly. Millions of women use it without any complications. I’ve taken it before and it worked well without getting sick or anything bad happening. The only thing it tends to do is change your period, either making it lighter or heavier. It can also make you feel nauseous, so I suggest taking it with food.

How can you get it?

Emergency Contraception is available to ANYONE no matter your age, at any drugstore without a prescription. It costs around $50-$70. Apparently there are a couple brands that won’t sell it to anyone under the age of 16 without a prescription but you can get Plan B One-Step and Next Choice at any age without a prescription. They are also available at any Planned Parenthood. It is important to note that the sooner you take the morning after pill, after unprotected sex, the more effective it will be. Just follow the instructions, some packages have one pill, some have two. And take it as soon as you can. Then really think about going on some form of birth control!

artwork by @majesstical

How To Get Over A Break Up

Let’s start by saying that there is no one recipe to get over someone you loved. Sorry if that’s an annoying start to this post, but it’s true and it’s something with which we all have to come to terms. Honestly, when it comes to anything difficult in our lives: There’s not one right way to deal with things

I’ve definitely gone through my fair share of breakups. And it’s always in the days after, that you sit there and wonder if the relationship was even worth it. Every relationship I’ve ever had– which is three serious ones– have taught me valuable lessons and made me grow as a person. Yes, I’ve been cheated on, yes, I have cheated on. I’ve been through the whole spiel. But what it boils down to at the end of the day, as I see it, is that everything happens for a reason. Granted, breakups are not easy and they never will be! Yet, every shitty thing that a guy has done to me has made me a lot stronger. Sometimes people enter your lives solely to make you a better person. But I think when you sit back and realize that, it’s a lot easier to cope with the actions of others, and to keep a positive mindset. It was meant to happen, and even if it ended badly, we had amazing times.

I could give you pointers on small changes you can make that will help you feel better: Like distracting yourself and hanging out with friends or taking baths. Or some people turn to drugs to numb the pain. But the truth is, we are all emotional beings and we are going to feel what we feel no matter what. The sooner you realize that you have to accept the pain, the sooner you’ll get through it. Let your emotions run their course.

Spoiler alert: Life is really hard! We all know that. And it’s not like we’re taught in school, or by anyone really, how to deal with real shit. No one ever told me what to tell a friend who lost a parent. No one taught me how to automatically forget a boy that has hurt me. I think the best thing you can do, is to focus on the good memories you had with that person and to be honest: Honest with them and honest with yourself. Everything happens for a reason. People come into our lives to teach us specific lessons. If someone cheated on you or hurt you really bad and you break up, you feel like you’re dying for a minute. And then a couple months later you meet someone, with whom you fall in love, and you’re way more in love than you were with your first boyfriend: Life works that way. It’s a very painful, but equally beautiful cycle. With every ending comes a new beginning and every door that shuts, opens a new door.

I think just sitting back and thinking and realizing that whoever hurt you, came into your life for a specific reason: to hurt you in that way to make you stronger. I’m not saying they want to make you grow, and that’s the reason they hurt you. But we’re human: We’re all selfish on a certain level. And people act in ways based on their own reality. If someone fucks you over, you need to realize it has NOTHING to do with you. If a boy chooses another girl over you, it doesn’t have to do with you. Although it may feel like it, it’s not that she’s better than you. You may sit in bed at night and cry and compare yourself to her. But you just have to breathe, and know that maybe they’re just more compatible. And in a perfect world, we would be happy for exes or whatever to move on and be happy. But we have egos and fragile minds that can so easily go to dark places. I’ve had so many girlfriends recently go through this. Even older guys I know. The sooner you come to terms with the fact that people’s actions have nothing to do with anyone but themselves and their own selfish desires (which isn’t entirely wrong– we are all here for ourselves), the sooner you will be free from suffering.

Some basic pointers that have helped me get over exes

  • Blocking them on social media, so that I’m not constantly stalking or reminded of them.
  • Not hanging out with their friends, so once again, you’re not reminded of them because, trust me, their friends will bring them up.
  • Keeping busy!! hanging out with good friends.
  • Putting time and effort into real ass friendships! Stop with this surface level shit. You don’t need to hangout with a huge group of people. Go to lunch with a good friend, maybe someone you haven’t even seen in awhile. And go get coffee. Ask them how they’re doing. Tell them your goals, ask them about theirs. I’ve been trying this new thing where I don’t shit talk about people: because it’s way too easy to do that. Conversations can get boring and sometimes you don’t feel like you can connect, so you default into talking badly about someone who’s not even having lunch with your friend and you….. And it’s fucked up. But I do it. And you do it. We all fucking do it. But push yourself. Try abstaining for a day. Don’t say anything bad about anyone. Instead, go to lunch and really check in with your friend. I promise it it will help in making you feel so much better. Most of all, it will create better friendships, wherein people will start to actually know you. And people will start to care.
  • Give back! Go volunteer in a homeless shelter or soup kitchen once a week. Go help people in need. It won’t necessarily take away from your problems, and, yes, the people you’re helping problems may be much “worse “ than yours in a way. But you are still entitled to feel how you do. And that’s totally okay to be broken. But it’s proven that those who go out and help others are much happier than the rest of society.
  • DONT do drugs. Don’t reach for that pill bottle or pop a Xanax. It’s so easy, especially in this day and age where things like that are so easily accessible. But trust me, don’t do it. It’s not worth it. Numbing the pain doesn’t get rid of it. You’re treating the symptoms or sadness and depression/anxiety instead of the root cause. Which is that you’re hurt. You’re emotionally hurt. And that is okay. Every single person on this planet has had their heart broken or has been hurt. You’re going to get through it. I promise.
  • Don’t go out and sleep with a bunch of people. I mean, I guess I can’t say don’t go out and do that. But for the most part, I know it doesn’t make people feel better. Like the thought of hooking up with people because I’m mad, is fun, in the moment. But then I just feel guilty after. You miss your ex!! That’s okay 🙂 But time will pass, and eventually you will get over them.
  • It’s easy to jump into another relationship when you’re hurting. It’s easy to get petty and want to hook up with your ex’s friends– just to make them upset. But don’t do it. It’s not going to make you happy. It’s temporary, and it always hurts everyone involved.
  • Put time into real friendships– like I mentioned earlier — instead of partying. And then go to those people when you need help. When you’re devastated, call on your friends and go lay in bed with them and cuddle. You don’t even have to talk. You can just cry. That’s totally okay!!! You don’t have to hold your emotions in. And just because something trivial might you affect you more than other people, it doesn’t mean you’re crazy. It just means you feel things on a different level than others.

Anyways, those are some tips from me to you about how I deal with breakups. Ultimately, these are just some strategies that, over time, I’ve come to see as useful. And it’s not that I have all the answers: I’m human, too! I’ve definitely made mistakes. I’ve been petty. I’ve hooked up with ex’s friends. I’ve jumped from relationship to relationship because I’ve been afraid of being alone. But just know that you aren’t alone!!!! Keep reminding yourself of that, and if you need the support, tell your close friends and they will give it to you.
One last thing, look back over your life. Sit back and look back at it like a timeline. How many people have you dated or really liked? How many people, after things ended, did you want to die? For me, there’s a couple. And I look back sometimes, and I’m like what the fuck was I thinking?!? Or you get over them and you’re like wow, a year ago I was soooooo upset over you and I could care less about you now. Life works that way, it’s always moving. Try to keep your chin up and know everything is going to be okay. I love you <3

artwork done by: @majesstical

Standing Up for Yourself on Social Media

Standing up for yourself on social media: when it’s worth defending yourself vs when it’s unproductive?

As our world has carried over to tiny screens, there has been a definite switch in how we communicate. With the ability to sit on other sides of the world or other sides of a city, and quickly interact with each other, we have become desensitized to what it’s like to communicate face to face. It’s relatively easy to post obnoxious, malicious or aggressive comments on social media because you do not have to confront or deal with the person directly. People write comments that they would never dare say to someone’s face and oftentimes, it’s to someone they have never even met. However, that does not mean that these comments are any less hurtful, incorrect and hard to hear. The way in which we deal with these situations can dictate how we are able to use and control our own image on social media. It is often hard to decide when and how to stand up for yourself or intervene. Identifying the situation, the intentions behind the comment, who it is coming from, and why they are writing it can help you figure out the best way to respond and to react.

I think it’s important to note that when reading this article, you realize that you yourself should take a look at your own actions and not just the actions of others who have written rude things on your pages. Have you ever partaken in cyberbullying? Have you ever written a rude comment thinking that your friend would “understand” what tone of voice you’re using and wouldn’t take it personally? Think about it. What’s wrong with this? We can’t assume that people will take things how we would take them. In reality, everyone is different, we are all going through the waves of life. Whatever you put out there, especially if it’s negative, isn’t affecting you, but it could really affect someone else. Remember to be kind and compassionate, and the great saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

If a good friend or family member is saying something sexist, racist, or plain incorrect, I would suggest standing up, but do it personally! Text them. It is much more effective if you know them and people have egos, so I would put it as kindly as possible. If a friend or family member writes something rude on one of your photos, text them if you want and say hey why would you write that? Or can you simply delete the comment. Most people don’t even realize the affect of their words these days because we are using them so quickly, 24 hours a day, constantly on our phones. We are desensitized to the fact that words do indeed hold a lot of weight.

When it is a stranger, there’re a few ways I suggest going about it. If it is something petty like ‘ur ugly’, don’t respond at all! If you can make a point out of it and show an issue in a positive way, respond! Don’t respond out of emotion or anger. Everything that is written can be seen and screenshotted. Respond with a thoughtful and EDUCATED approach. Don’t be like ‘ur so stupid to say that type of thing’, but instead, prove them wrong! Also, remember that it’s far more embarrassing for the person who wrote the comment than for you. And it’s easy to just delete the comment; I do that all the time! Sometimes, there is absolutely no point in wasting your breath attacking some random person on the Internet. Just be the bigger person, delete, and move on. However, there are definitely times when it is appropriate to respond. If they make sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic comments, then you can respond but I would reiterate to do it in a polite and educated manner; don’t stoop because you’re angry.

Don’t let it drag on! Arguing in your comments back and forth is not productive! Usually, when people are being mean it is them, not you. So don’t allow their hate/anger to cause a dramatic exchange in your comments section. Just make your point and move on! Some people will just never get it. Fighting for the sake of fighting. Make sure never to get involved with someone like that. It’s never productive. I personally don’t respond to any negative comments, I just delete them, block the person if necessary and don’t think twice. If I respond to one it starts a frenzy to respond to them all, and it’s not worth it. I also remember that social media can easily go away when I turn my phone off. So in a way, it’s not even real to me.

When to block! If someone is continuously ‘attacking’ you verbally, block them! Don’t give them the opportunity to even bully you in the first place. There’s a block button for a reason and you shouldn’t feel bad in using it. Also, one follow does not matter at all, if someone isn’t respecting your photos or social media, then they don’t have to look at it.

When your comments can reveal a lot about your message → Sometimes when we post photos with a strong intention, a level of risk comes with it. Sometimes mean comments (example: vulnerable pic of your body not looking conventional/conforming and someone comments ‘you’re fat’) can actually prove your point! It is hard to know when you need to defend yourself in order to validate/prove your intentions vs. when the comment reveals enough on it’s own. I know when I post certain photos that I know will receive a lot of backlash, I just let it run it’s course. If people are talking then you’re usually doing something right. It really comes down to not taking things personally and trying to remember that what people say or do has nothing to do with you! However, I know that reading those comments when you sit alone in bed, can make you feel shitty. So, I’m all for deleting them if you want. It doesn’t make you weak! It’s cleaning out the negative, which ultimately is positive… and productive. So, ignore as best you can, and if it gets to a certain point, it’s totally fine to block and delete. 🙂

Pubic Hair

Every person on this planet naturally has pubic and body hair. It is something we develop during puberty. From an evolutionary perspective, it has a biological function for our bodies in helping to protect against diseases. In our modern day society, with access to better hygiene, undergarments, etc., there isn’t so much of a need for it anymore. And as media has come to dominate our world, it has pushed an agenda where women are expected to remove it whereas men don’t have to.

In fact, there is a real obsession with women being bare. You can trace it back to ancient times where men coveted virginal (pre-pubescent) girls, and you can also trace it back to the 1980s when pornstars went bare so when the camera was on them, you could see more of the action. This also touches on our society’s obsession with youth. Because in reality, a bare vagina, is as youthful and childlike as it gets. I think it’s important to keep this in mind when you make decisions on how you groom down there; if you do or don’t. It is a personal preference and should be yours and only your decision. If you want to shave, wax, sugar, laser that is your choice. And if you want to have a bush or a landing strip, that is your choice, too. It all comes down to this obsession with youth and the hyper-sexualized society in which we live.

I remember back in middle school when my girlfriends and I started growing pubic hair. And it was so nerve-wracking. Girls immediately shaved it, or some girls moms took them to get it waxed. Why are we as a society so scared of our anatomy? And why are we so quick to fit the norm and change it? Pubic hair is not gross, yet we are almost programmed to think that way.

I admit that I laser. It’s a permanent solution which seems extreme or perhaps even hypocritical for someone who thinks that you should do what you want and that it’s natural. I am the first to admit that the society I am apart of and was raised in, probably shaped me into this thought process. I always shaved and waxed. But over time, as I started to get ingrown hairs, I opted to start lasering.

If you think about it, the removal of pubic hair for women is a big industry. There are special soaps to use when shaving to reduce ingrowns. There’re waxing and sugaring. And the most expensive– but also the most effective– is lasering. They are always coming up with new treatments or ways to remove hair and better yet, make it look as if you don’t grow any to begin with. I think what I’m trying to get at in this article is that it is natural, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of your body. Yet, I personally understand the world we live in, and the pressures us women experience when it comes to our bodies. Never let anyone make you feel bad for what is natural. Never let anyone make you feel bad for your body. If you don’t want to shave, that is perfectly fine! And if you do, that is fine, too. But just make sure you are doing it for you and not for anyone else.

I understand there is an added pressure in high school to fit a certain standard. That it’s easy for boys to call girls gross if they don’t shave. I think it comes down to education and communication on how we can take active steps to change this viewpoint that is detrimental to the self-esteem of women and men. When you’re young, it’s normal to not have had a lot of experience with developed genitals or sex, in general. Genitals come in all shapes and sizes. Pubic hair is the same! Everyone is a different person with different preferences. We should be accepting of this! And everyone’s genitalia is diverse, what we view as normal is really what the media wants us to believe is normal. But remember, this is just part of their agenda to make us go out and buy their products.