Month: April 2016

Blue balls occur when a guy is about to cum and doesn’t, akin to how women feel when expecting an orgasm that doesn’t arrive. Blue balls actually have little to do with the balls at all. When a penis is about to cum or ejaculate, the genitals fill up with blood. This is what an erection is; when a man is turned on, blood flows into the penis and fills up the tissue. This lifts and erects the penis as it’s full of blood.

When the semen — a fluid mixture of sperm and other fluids produced by the prostate gland– is ejaculated, there is a release of the tension and blood flow. However, if you do not orgasm or ejaculate, the added pressure of the blood flow can stay and cause pain. So, Blue balls is actually vasocongestion.

Men feel vasocongestion the worst in their testicles or balls because it is an area of high blood volume. To relieve it, you can cum by masturbating, use a cold or warm compress, relax, or start to exercise to redirect one’s blood flow.

It’s important to remember that your vasocongestion is your responsibility and no one else’s. No one can give you “blue balls” and therefore, you should never be manipulated into relieving someone else’s unless you want to. More people than you think experience this. They become tired of having sex or engaging in a sexual act, so they want to stop. And then the man says, “don’t blue ball me, I’m about to cum.” It’s critical to remember that no means no, and if you’re not into it, you’re not into it. I thought making you aware of and knowing the facts of what blue balls really is would help empower you to have a healthy sex life with your partner.

I think to begin, it is important to understand that periods are not gross. They are natural and, on a larger scale, they are pretty fucking awesome. Besides the cramps, etc, they show you that you are fertile and that one day you can bring a baby into this world.

I remember when I first got my period… it was such a confusing time. I was embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. And it almost felt like this embarrassing elephant in the room that you had to hide. When in reality, it is the most normal thing. We can’t be afraid of our bodies, we have to embrace them and treat them with respect.

The human body is vastly complex. Even just the monthly menstrual cycle has elements that physiological, hormonal and emotional. Your period is made up of three different phases. First, there is the menstrual phase, then the proliferative phase, and lastly, the luteal phase.

Your menstrual phase starts when you begin your period. This is your monthly cycle, which many women track in the calendar or with an app. Periods differ woman to woman. Some last three days and some last a whole week. Some women experience heavy bleeding while some have a light flow. Some women get extremely bad cramps and others don’t. It really depends entirely on your body. This is all normal. You may even have thick vaginal discharge during your period and can continue to spot or be brown, even after you finish your period.

Next is the proliferative phase and this is when your brain releases hormones that cause an ovum or egg to mature and prepare for release. It is at the end of this phase when a woman is most fertile, She then ovulates and the egg is released, beginning its descent down to the uterus.

As soon as a woman ovulates, the luteal phase begins. And this is when your body gets ready to house a potential embryo. It is also the last phase before you’re ready for menstruation again. This phase starts right after you ovulate and ends when you start your period. You can notice that right before your period, your discharge can be thin and more liquid. This is because that is the type of environment that is best for sperm to reach the egg. In the event that it happens, the egg then attaches to the uterine wall and so pregnancy begins. During this phase, your body creates high levels of progesterone and estrogen, both of which thicken the lining of your uterus. If there isn’t a fertilized egg, then the hormone levels drop and the endometrium or lining of your uterus begins shedding once again (starting your period anew.)

I think it’s important to understand that your period has a purpose and it’s a positive one. This society makes us women believe that it should be something of which we are to be embarrassed: That it’s a negative aspect. But in reality, we are the very ones who hold this society together and allow us to reproduce and create life itself!

There isn’t a “normal” way for a vagina to look. They come in all shapes, sizes, colors, etc. They are diverse! The word we should be going for is “diverse,” not “normal.” What has been normalized is a vagina that is similar to a pornstar’s. Perfectly shaven, small, and pink. In reality, that’s what is rare. And what you may not be aware of is that many of them pay top dollar for tricks of the trade: everything from from anal bleaching to laser hair removal. What I’m trying to get at is your vagina doesn’t have to look like a pornstar’s. I think the fact that labiaplasty– a surgery to reduce inner labia– is on the rise, goes to show how much this is affecting our culture and society. Girls feel embarrassed by their bodies. I get Tumblr messages all the time from high school girls being embarrassed and ashamed to hook up with someone because their vaginas don’t look like those they see while watching porn. And they are afraid that boys will think they are gross. Or women (many friends of mine) who are uncomfortable having someone go down on them because of what their vagina looks like. And men are grossed out by the anatomy of a Vagina but only because we are so programmed to see the body one way.

We live in a culture that is ashamed of sex, sexuality, and genitals. Women are brainwashed into thinking their genitals must be small, pink, and bare, whereas men are brainwashed into thinking they need large penises to satisfy a partner. Through the media, we are constantly taught that we are not enough. We have to have cosmetic surgeries in order to feel secure. We have to buy loads of products, makeup, etc to feel more attractive. Being attractive and fitting a standard is shaping our world. And it’s doing so negatively!

It’s important to remember that our genitals serve a purpose. They have a function, they are there to help us reproduce as well as be sexually aroused. All shapes and sizes are natural. Don’t let the media or anyone else convince you that your body is inadequate. Our culture capitalizes on poor self-esteem and on convincing young people there is a certain way we should look. And if we don’t fit that mold we are somehow inadequate. Porn should not be an example of what you think your genitals should look like. Most pornstars have procedures done to look that way– Not to mention the lighting and makeup. I’m sure if you put yourself into that exact same scenario, your genitals would look much different than they do on a day-to-day basis. As long as your genitals function and are healthy and clean, they are the way they should be. And that is enough!!! <3

I have an IUD and because of that, I don’t get a period. However, I used to get a period so here are some tips and ways to deal with it.

Pads: When I first started my period, I used pads. That’s pretty normal. I wasn’t sexually active, and a tampon was pretty intimidating at age 13. There are a million different products for your period, and pads come in different levels of absorption. Pads are particularly useful for someone first starting period or for when you’re sleeping. I personally wasn’t a huge fan of pads, mainly because I also did ballet and it was almost impossible to wear them while you’re dancing. Which brings me to the next method…

Tampons: Tampons are probably the best option for anyone who is active or wants to feel as if they aren’t on their period. Unscented tampons are healthiest as are unscented pads. Perfumes can upset the bacteria in your vagina and give you an infection. I read this article the other day talking about how the media makes us believe that periods or vagina’s smell bad as a marketing scheme for people to buy washes, wipes, scented menstrual products, etc. However, all those products are unhealthy for your vagina. Vagina’s are self-cleaning and as long as you practice good hygiene, warm water is enough. Soap and perfumes are not meant to be in your vaginal canal.

Tampons come with different applicators, there’s plastic and paper. The plus to paper is that you can flush it. However, I always preferred plastic because I think it’s more comfortable for insertion. There are also applicator-less tampons (the most common brand is “OB”). Instead of using an applicator, you use your finger. Many people like them because they are smaller and more discreet to carry, more affordable, and they produce less waste so they’re better for the environment.

It is really important to change your tampon. Since it is an absorbent, it’s collecting blood and fluid in your vaginal cavity. And to make sure you don’t get an infection from the blood beginning to dry, change it, at least, every 8 hours. This brings me to…

Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS): TSS is pretty rare these days, but it can be very serious and even cause death in severe cases. It’s caused by staph infections which can produce toxins that collect on the fibers of the tampon. Symptoms are immediate and obvious. You would feel dizzy, nauseous, weak, and develop a rash and fever. In the event that you get TSS, you need to get medical attention as soon as possible. To reduce your risk or make sure you never get TSS, it is important to change your tampons often and to use the lowest absorbency for your body.

As I’m writing this article, I’m researching other products for your period. I personally have only ever used pads and tampons, but there are also natural sea sponges as well as menstrual cups.

Sea Sponges:
Pretty self-explanatory, but it’s a reusable sponge that you get wet and insert into your vagina. To change them you pull it out, rinse it, and put in a fresh one. Apparently, they are good for people who think tampons are uncomfortable and pokey. You can find them at health stores or Whole Foods. To clean them, you simply soak them in warm water with baking soda, tea tree oil, and hydrogen peroxide.

Menstrual Cups:
I’ve also never used a menstrual cup, but I have some friends who like them. They’re really low cost because you can just reuse and reuse your one cup. It’s inserted into your vagina and collects the blood until you remove it, dump it out. And reinsert it. To clean it at the end of your period, you boil it in water. They can be used for longer times than tampons. And since they collect the flow and don’t absorb it like tampons, people have said they make cramps less severe.

Free Flow:
It’s also important to note that a woman doesn’t NEED to use any of these methods. There’re some people who don’t like to use any method and that’s perfectly fine. This reminds me of the woman who free flowed while running a marathon the other day.

Masturbation is probably the most common sexual experience– 95% of men and 90% of women have reported that they masturbate or have done it– but it is something that is very taboo within society and rarely spoken about. So yes it is natural, and just because most people deny it, it doesn’t mean they don’t do it. Personally, I find it healthy and important to a healthy sex life. How can you expect someone else to understand your body and make it feel good if you don’t understand your own? It’s important to get familiar with your own anatomy as well as to learn your preferences.

You can do so with toys, with your hand, objects, even water play. Masturbating has a ton of awesome health benefits: it can help relieve cramps and relax you if you’re stressed; It can help with your ability to orgasm; It can help with anxiety and depression by releasing endorphins; It can help improve your body image; And most importantly it can help you understand your body so that your sex life is more comfortable and informed.

Masturbation is just like sex in that it differs from person to person. It’s important to understand that everyone has different sexual preferences, and how people masturbate depends on numerous factors and can change every time. It all depends on your mood, what turns you on, or even what physical location and environment you’re in. Masturbating also isn’t just genital stimulation, it can be touching your boobs, thighs, or other parts of your body as well. It’s interesting to figure out what works for you and what you like, and a good way to try things out before you involve another person.

I get a lot of Tumblr questions of young girls saying they feel awkward or guilty masturbating. And I think everyone goes through that because it’s so socially unacceptable. It’s easy to think of it as awkward or “funny,” when in reality it’s healthy and natural. We need to remember that we are sexual beings. Masturbating is between you and only you. Do what feels good. There’s no correct way to do it. And just because something might feel good for another person doesn’t mean it’s going to be what you like. Explore and have fun! I think it’s easiest to do it when you’re home alone, so you have privacy and lock the door or close it. That way you can relax and not worry about getting walked in on.

What is Bacterial Vaginosis?

Bacterial Vaginosis is the most common vaginal infection. Unfortunately, I had never been taught about it or even heard of it, until I got it.. fml. Many women, like myself, immediately assume they have a yeast infection, which is what I did. And then, when I figured out my treatment for the yeast wasn’t working, I went to the gyno and found out it was something else.

It’s crazy to me how little information there is out there on BV, considering that it is the most common vaginal infection. My gyno had never mentioned it to me, I never learned about it in Sex Ed, neither in high school nor in college. I’m sure people think I’m crazy for divulging this private information, but this infection healed quickly once I got the right treatment. I think if people were less afraid of their bodies and worked to be in tune with them, we wouldn’t even get these infections or at least would know what to do right away.

Never feel bad or ashamed because you are sick or have any kind of medical hindrance! We all have bodies that are made up of complex systems, and unfortunately they don’t always work how they should. If someone is shaming you for being sick or having an infection, that is their problem not yours. Sometimes BV just happens and don’t let anyone make you feel gross if you have it.

What is it?

BV or Bacterial Vaginosis is an overgrowth of bad bacteria in the vagina that causes irritation.

Causes:

BV is caused by the overgrowth of Gardnerella Vaginalis. This is bacteria that can normally be found in your vagina. When there is an upset in your body, this can cause the bacteria to overgrow causing an infection.

caused by:

• new sexual partners
• antibiotics
• vaginal douching
• IUDs
• stress
• using soap to wash your vagina (upsetting pH levels)
• smoking
• sometimes you just get one

Symptoms:

• itching
• burning
• vaginal irritation (redness, pain, swelling)
• foul smelling odor similar to a fishy smell (unlike yeast infections!)
• thin and grey discharge
• pain with intercourse

Getting a BV Diagnosis:

Similar to what I said about yeast infections, in order to get a diagnosis, your gynecologist will collect a vaginal swab and send it to the lab. This way they can see what kind of bacteria is growing on the vagina.

Treatment:

BV is most commonly treated with antibiotics used to kill the bacteria. If your doctor goes this route, it’s important to take probiotics or you might end up with a yeast infection. I personally try to avoid antibiotics as much as I can because they weaken your immune system. It’s important to avoid sex when you’re getting treated for BV, until the infection is gone.

It is also important to treat a vaginal infection as soon as possible. If BV is left untreated it can cause pelvic inflammatory disease which can cause damage to your reproductive organs and can cause infertility later on. If you are having vaginal problems, please go see a doctor or tell an adult!

Naturopathic Treatment:

It is possible and in my opinion better to treat BV without antibiotics. They destroy all the bacteria, not just the bad bacteria. There is high rate of women developing yeast infections while treating BV with antibiotics. The first step is to not do anything that will aggravate it and make it worse. This means eat well, get rest, don’t drink, don’t smoke, no douching, no soap down there, no sex.

Eat a diet of:

• vegetables
• bone broth
• healthy fats (olive oil/coconut oil)
• organic meats, fish, eggs

Avoid:

• sugar
• alcohol
• fruit
• hydrogenated oils (soy, corn, canola)
• processed foods

Stress Management

Probiotics: I suggest taking Jarrow Formulas Fem-Dophilus. It contains good bacteria that is already occurring in the vagina. It is also great for yeast infections. You can also use a suppository, a special probiotic that you insert into the vagina like a tampon and it repopulates the vaginal tract with healthy bacteria.

Apple Cider Vinegar: BV develops because of an imbalance in the pH levels in the vagina. Apple Cider Vinegar is acidic and can assist in restoring your pH levels. It is also antibacterial. Make sure to dilute with water because it is too strong for your vagina alone. I would suggest adding around 1/2 a cup to a bath and soaking in it.

Coconut oil: naturally anti fungal and antiviral. You can soak a tampon in it and insert in your vagina for an hour or just put some up in your vagina.

Prevention:

To prevent BV from occurring, follow the above steps and practice a healthy diet, don’t use soap down there, take probiotics and try to wear cotton underwear. I know I am not a doctor but this is what has worked for me. I’m also not saying to ignore your doctor’s advice but I do think it’s important not to always jump so fast to antibiotics. They should only be used when absolutely needed. BV is a simple infection that is relatively easy to get over without antibiotics.

Something I have recently come to terms with is that you can’t control another person’s feelings or actions. You can’t make someone have feelings for you if they don’t and you can’t make someone treat you well if they don’t want to. Stop trying to get girls or guys who won’t treat you right. If someone cares or wants you, they should be showing that, and putting in the necessary effort. Relationships and hook ups should not be stressful! In fact, they should add to your life, not make you stressed or anxious.

If the person you’re going for is playing games with you­­ showing you affection and attention one minute and then flip flopping the next­­ it’s time to let go. Truth is, you can’t control another person’s feelings or actions. And at a certain point, it’s not their fault anymore, it’s yours for putting up with it. You can’t give someone a free pass for treating you badly.

I’m not here to judge someone for staying with someone who treats them badly. After all, we are complicated human beings. We have family issues, deeper rooted issues that show up in relationships later on in life. I’m of the belief that we go back to people who play games with us because we have ego issues. Or we can’t take no for an answer. But what we need to realize is that you have the POWER to stop accepting bad behavior from the wrong people in your life. You have the power to walk away, to delete numbers, block numbers, cut people out.

You deserve respect, love, and consistency. Don’t invest your emotions in anyone who won’t give you that. All relationships start with you. If you don’t know how to be alone, then you’re not ready for a relationship. For a long time, I bounced from relationship to relationship because I was afraid of being alone. And all it ever got me was players or people I didn’t connect with. I was constantly in a relationship with someone I shouldn’t have been dating in the first place, in a relationship which I knew was going to end at some point.

Communication and honesty are key. When you say only what you mean, your word won’t get confused and you’re putting out there exactly what you want to get back. If you keep running into the same problem, the same type of men or women, then take a look at yourself, at your behavior. If someone wants to be with you they will be. And if they don’t then they’re not meant for you and they’re missing out. Trying to get someone to want you or care when they clearly don’t will ultimately and inevitably open up a world of hurt and disappointment.

I went to Catholic School my whole life and although I won’t lie and say we didn’t have sex ed, we had a very minimal, brief sex ed that barely touched upon topics. And most everything I learned about sex, I got from staying up late searching the internet or asking friends.

I frequently try to imagine how productive and better off our society would be if comprehensive and progressive Sex Ed was taught in schools. In fact, in the US, the majority of programs taught are abstinence programs. Programs that teach kids to not have sex instead of how to have safe sex. And it is proven that those programs have zero effect on making teens hold off on sex, but instead, only result in unsafe sex and higher rates of STDs and teen pregnancy

What is important to understand­­ in my opinion even more important than STDs and birth control­­ is that sexuality is UNIQUE! Everyone is different. We have different gender orientations, sexual preferences, body images, relationship needs, as well as a multitude of differences on a biological level. We are all made of different atoms and hormones, and one person’s sexuality is going to be entirely different from another’s.

Sex should be safe and it should be enjoyable! It is more than physical intercourse. Sex is a gift, it is something you give and also receive. It is different and personal to each and everyone. It is based on mutual respect and responsibility and is one of the most amazing parts of being human.

I can not tell you how many of my friends have had awful sexual experiences, of the amount of rape that goes on in this world, of slut-shaming, the list goes on. The approach we currently have towards sex and sexuality absolutely needs to be changed.

Sex is something you get better at, and the more you can be open about what you like and how you are feeling, the better sex will be for you. It will be safer, it will have zero guilt attached, you will feel better emotionally and physically.

There are so many topics I hope to cover with this blog. Sexuality and sex go way beyond, “how to give a blowjob.” And, as times are changing rapidly, there are so many new questions and more gray areas than before. With the internet age, comes the rapid growth of porn, of nudes, of sexting, of consent. I’m not an expert, but I’m willing to share my experiences and the knowledge that I have gained being passionate about this subject. It’s my sincere hope that it will be of use to you all out there.

You can search for happiness in a million different places. You can search for it in every guy you meet, in every place you travel, in everything you buy. But, ultimately, you will only find it within yourself.

I’m not saying it’s easy to find. Some of us have chemical imbalances, we have worries that affect us that are out of control. Then there are bills to pay, people to impress, school, work, not to mention families that can bring all sorts of stress, as well. Being human is complicated. Not only are we physical beings, but we have emotions and egos. We are made up of a million parts and each and every one of us differs. It can be a lot to wrap your head around.

We come into this life, as little blobs of simplicity, cute and covered in baby fat. And we grow and grow and we shape and expand, we have beliefs, opinions, souls, and then one day, when our time is up, it all comes to an end.

It can be very easy to get wrapped up in what’s wrong with this world. We live in a very toxic society and a world whose resources are getting depleted at an alarming rate. There is a lot of
sadness around us. One of my favorite books The Four Agreements states that we are in Hell. “Religions say that hell is a place of punishment, a place of fear, pain, and suffering, a place where the fire burns you. Whenever we feel the emotions of anger, jealousy, envy, or hate, we experience a fire burning within us. We are living in a dream of hell. If you consider hell as a state of mind, then hell is all around us.” (14).

What I’m trying to get at, on a non­-religious tip, is that life is hard. We are conditioned to expect and see life one way when it almost never goes as planned. We are brought up in families knowing full well that our loved ones will pass on. Yet, socially we are never taught how to deal with our emotions. We live in a repressed world. We would rather talk about the Kardashians then how to console a friend who just lost a parent. It is hard to stay happy constantly, with all that is going on around us: To be aware of our surroundings can be depressing, as we live in a negative environment. After all, we’re constantly surrounded by human suffering, whether that be anger, greed, war, addictions, violence, poverty, etc.

I think to be truly happy, you have to realize all this and take it in. Because being happy by ignoring all this stuff will cause you pain later on, or you will live a life that is a tad bit washed out. All humans are constantly searching for the truth, justice, and beauty. And what better way to figure out­­ or, at least, get close to finding those things­ then going back to your roots. I find happiness in nature: the ocean, the trees, going for hikes.

I find happiness in reading, in listening to music, in taking baths. But we all find happiness in different ways. Happiness is being at peace and finding out how to stay there. And it’s accepting that it shouldn’t always be constant because sadness is just as big of a part of happiness. If you never felt sadness or fear, you wouldn’t be able to appreciate happiness when you are in that state. I’m going to give a list of things that help me stay happy but I’m also going to say that while my life is great at times, at other times it is not. And I have come to accept that as a human, it is perfectly healthy for me not to be happy 24/7 and if anything, that has helped me love myself a lot more.

This isn’t a pity party or a pity blog. It’s just my reaction to the world we live in, and the fact that it’s so hard for us emotional beings to talk about the things that matter most. We all suffer, and with social media, it’s been getting harder and harder to remember that. We are obsessed with giving off the vibe that everything in our life is okay when in reality, most of the time it’s not. That’s normal and okay! Everything you go through makes you stronger. It teaches you lessons that no one will be able to. I go through my waves of being happy, then unhappy. I’ve been through dark times, but you just have to remember that you are not alone. And I know that even in this world of over 7 billion people, sometimes you can feel so alone.

I feel like this blog will change and evolve. So, too, will I, my thoughts, and my opinions. I love to read and with every new book, I learn new ways of thinking. expanding my mind and beliefs. And with every new person I meet, I am shown just how large this world is, and where it can take you!

Some tips I have when you’re feeling down and out:
● Turn your phone off !!

● Take a bath

● Read a book

● Blast some happy music

● Go to sleep

● Go get that ice cream or brownie every once in a while

● Take a walk outside

● Go for a bike ride

● Make lists of things you want to see in this lifetime

● Draw!

● Call an old friend and talk about life… real life!