Yeast Infections

What is a yeast infection?

Vaginal Yeast Infections are caused by the overproduction of Candida (a naturally occurring microorganism in the vagina). If there is an imbalance in your system, then there can be an overgrowth of yeast which can cause vaginal yeast infections.

Over 75% of women experience a yeast infection at some point in their life. And although it is one of the most common infections for women, it remains something misunderstood and often mistreated. Unfortunately, I am one of those people who is just prone to them. And trust me, it really sucks. But after doing lots of research on my own, I have figured out what works for me and I’m down to share those tips.

First of all, Yeast infections have NOTHING to do with cleanliness; that is a misconception.

Causes:

They are most commonly caused by:
the use of antibiotics (which kills good and bad bacteria which then allows the yeast to overproduce)
eating lots of sugar
hormonal imbalances
weak immune systems
pregnancy
uncontrolled diabetes
stress
lack of sleep

Candida naturally occurs in everyone’s bodies. And it also exists in women’s vaginas. When there is an upset in your body (any of those listed above) it can overgrow. What keeps Candida at bay is lactobacillus bacteria. This is the healthy bacteria that keeps all things running smoothly. But when your body is stressed or sick, it can’t work effectively, so an overgrowth of Candida can occur.

Symptoms:

When Candida overgrows, it causes a yeast infection. The symptoms are:
itching
burning
pain during sex
soreness
whitish or grey thick discharge (similar to cottage cheese :/)

I used to be on antibiotics when I was younger for my acne (which didn’t work by the way! See my post on acne) And I would get yeast infections all the time from them. The good and bad bacteria in my body was getting killed, so there was an imbalance, which caused the Candida to overgrow. And although I went to gyno after gyno and I always was prescribed pills, I was never told any natural ways to relieve this or better yet avoid it in the first place.

Getting a Vaginal Yeast Infection Diagnosis:

If you are going to take medicine for a yeast infection then it is important to get a correct diagnosis. If you are sexually active, I think it’s important to get a gynecologist. If you don’t want to tell your parents you’re sexually active, you can get the same tests at Planned Parenthood. Or if you live in Seattle, you could visit your public high school’s nurse.

Treatment:

Diet: cut out sugar, eat ginger, garlic, drink lots of water, do not eat mushrooms (fungus)
NO alcohol: alcohol is mainly sugar which will feed the yeast
avoid hot baths while you have one
(I swear to God, I’ve gone to literally so many gynos, and it wasn’t until I took a food course in college and went out on my own to research this that I ever learned that the number one thing you need to do if you have a yeast infection is to cut out sugar. Candida feeds on sugar. That means every time you drink that soda or eat ice cream, that vaginal yeast infection is spreading and getting worse. Going to the drug store and buying Monistat will help or getting a pill from your doctor, but in the meantime, do not ingest sugar! No bread, no rice, no soda, no fruit. Cutting it out entirely will starve the yeast and make it go away. )

Additionally, you can try Diflucan, an oral medication you can get from your gyno that will kill the infection in 1 to 3 days, or antifungal cream or medication from your local drugstore such as Monistat.

Prevention:
eat lots of probiotics (always replenishing good bacteria and keeping that Candida at bay)
keep sugar to a minimum
avoid super tight pants or tights
don’t take antibiotics and if you do, make you sure you absolutely have to
wear cotton underwear
wash your underwear in natural, scent free detergent
avoid feminine care products that are scented or any vaginal washes (warm water is enough for your vagina, anything else upsets the balance)
don’t douche

I find it funny (and terribly disheartening) that something so common is so taboo and immediately attached to grossness. Yes, yeast infections are horrible, but they’re natural. Yeast infections are completely normal, they’re something that every woman goes through. And they’re something that with the right steps and diet choices, can be treated and often even avoided. It makes me terribly upset that I have memories of being younger and having them, and taking a bath or doing all the wrong steps, simply because I didn’t have the information I have now. Looking back on it, I did everything wrong! I did all the things that would make them linger for a lot longer and made them a lot worse. So to anyone having them, I really hope this helps, and that it prevents you from going through the same Hell I did when I was younger.

Is Feminism A Trend?

Has social media made feminism a trend and more importantly is feminism not taken seriously because of it?

As the second wave of feminism develops, the way in which society perceives and understands it has shifted. With the ability for individuals to express themselves and curate their images on social media, the simplicity and easiness of sharing these issues can degrade the issues themselves. We have to question the way in which feminism is perceived and if its perception affects the success or legitimacy of the movement. One thing social media has created is an environment that thrives off of fast paced trends. When the presence of certain social issues become popular on social media, we often label them as ‘trendy’ issues and not real ones. They become phases that people on social media buy into, in order to keep up with the media around them, but know little about. But, how do we really know someone’s intentions and how should we perceive the ability of people to easily show alliance to, but not fully understanding, important albeit trendy issues?

Knowing the history of feminism → I remember sitting with my boss a few months ago and he gave me some very important advice. He said that my generation is a generation that is so fast to jump on the bandwagon of certain issues without really knowing anything about them. And I agree. You may call yourself a feminist and you may, in fact, believe in equality of men and women, but you may not know anything about the history of feminism. Of what the women before us had to fight for in order to get us to where we are at. Although I’m big on speaking out against the “need” for a college degree, I do believe education is extremely important. And you can do that by reading yourself, taking classes, looking up articles and scholarly journals, watching TED talks. Imagine if for every makeup tutorial you watched on youtube, you watched one TED talk or segment from National Geographic, how much you would learn about these issues you “care about” and how much you would be learning about the world. While they may not be as big, there certainly are media outlets that aren’t about fashion or beauty. And they are important! We live in a culture that is so obsessed with Instagram and Twitter. We are so overstimulated that we can’t have any measure or understanding of the world. For this project, it was important to really read about feminism and the history of Sex Ed in America. To know what I am talking about and to be putting out correct and up to date information. I urge you to go read up on the history of feminism and sexuality, you’ll likely learn a lot! And sometimes it’s not about putting it out there that you’re even reading it and posting pics that you are a feminist, it’s about just knowing for yourself that, wow, I actually know what I’m talking about, I’m authentic, and it feels good.

Growing out nonconventional body hair → is that really ‘easy’ feminism? Should we (feminists) be judging the way someone represents themselves and why they chose to do so? It is almost impossible to know, just from someone’s image on social media, what parts of ‘feminism’ they embrace. How does this hurt the movement when people just post the picture but don’t use words to explain the greater meaning? How can we tell what is intended to be trendy armpit hair and what is intended to positively rebel against society’s double standards? I think it’s ridiculous when women believe they are “more feminist” than other women. I have had women on social media, even prominent feminists, tell me I can’t be one because I shave my armpits and I post provocative photos of my body. I think we need to stray away from the idea that being a feminist has to fit a certain image. It has never been about what you look like or even act like. It’s about what you believe in! About what you want for this world. It’s about believing in and wanting equality for men and women. I personally believe there are larger feminist issues than not shaving your armpits but I do think the reason I do it is because I grew up in a society where that was deemed what is “normal” and “accepted” and that’s why I do it. I’m sure I’m programmed in a way. And I don’t doubt that or deny it. But I would rather focus my issues on helping with a Sex Ed movement and tackle rape issues than body hair! But I do commend anyone that feels strongly about that, I just personally don’t. Which brings me to the point, that any effort is effort and that’s what’s important. If you feel strongly or passionately about one part of the movement then stick to that.

feminists v feminists → Everyone represents themselves differently on social media! We can’t judge how much of a feminist or how little of a feminist someone is. We also can’t judge how people are. I have people meet me all the time and say “Wow you’re so different than I expected” And sometimes I’m just like, “yea.. maybe don’t judge a book by its cover!” Social media is a facade of what people put out there. Yet, we live in a culture where it’s easy and acceptable to judge someone on a little grid they put out there: Kind of twisted if you ask me. Everyone defines the term differently, expresses it differently, and it plays a different role in everyone’s life. Women are so quick to tear each other down over issues for which we should be building each other up. I watch this go down all the time, women attacking other women for calling themselves feminists. Since when did this become a turf war? We must stick together and help spread knowledge and support for one another, not judgement and unconstructive criticism!

Questioning is good and necessary for improvement! There is tremendous value in questioning. Make it more constructive, ask questions, be supportive. Never assume! And don’t be judgmental or put other women down. The ability to express oneself and feed into trends is unavoidable, there will/are people who are only doing it to seem trendy, but that should not affect those who are deeply passionate, educated and vocal on the topic. It can be frustrating that people like that exist, but it is just a part of the world we live in and our ability to publicize trends! Use it to your advantage, speak up and out! Make your voice heard not just your photos. I really encourage anyone, if you feel strongly about a topic, to use your voice!! You’re not annoying anyone with captions or essays! We are becoming less and less vocal as a society, straying towards a surface-level approach (two-word captions) and living in a culture that is more obsessed with what people are wearing or how they do their makeup than with what they stand for and how they’re doing. Be the change!

Acne

Acne is a skin condition that occurs when your pores become clogged with oil and dead skin cells. The most common form of the condition is known as acne vulgaris. This type of acne is made up of lesions such as blackheads, whiteheads, pimples, nodules or cysts. Acne occurs when your body produces too much sebum or oil, as well as keratin, which binds skin cells together so they clump and ultimately block your pores (“Acne”). Nearly every one has suffered from acne at one point in their life. In fact, more than 80% of all people in the US have had acne (Purdy). Contrary to popular belief, acne is not caused by poor hygiene. It is caused by the overproduction of sebum, the clogging of pores, and inflammation (Mooers 22). Without inflammation, acne would be flat and unnoticeable. It would be made up of blackheads and whiteheads. But with inflammation, these lesions swell and protrude out of the skin causing painful, red pimples that are noticeable. Acne results from toxins inside your body pushing themselves out through your pores. It usually means something is wrong inside of you and it is getting your attention. Instead of treating the symptoms of acne, try to figure out what the cause of it is. You may ask yourself why do our pores clog? Why does our skin or our clogged pores inflame, making the problem worse? There is not a lot of data or understanding on the actual science behind the cause of acne. However, there are some guesses as to what is responsible. Insulin-like growth factor-1 or IGF-1 is the hormone responsible for human growth (Mooers 24). It is most active during puberty. IGF-1 is in charge of our oil glands and can make acne worse by making them secrete more sebum. It also causes dead skin cells to stick together which blocks pores and causes acne. Devin Mooers in his book Clear Skin Forever explains how it works, “Skin cells die naturally all the time, as your skin renews and replaces itself. These dead skin cells are supposed to exit the skin through the pores, but essentially, IGF-1 prevents these dead cells from leaving, by clumping them together and binding them to the inside of your pores” (Mooers 24). The problem is that certain foods cause an increase in the production of this hormone, causing acne. Spikes in blood sugar do the exact same thing. This is because of the hormone Insulin. Insulin removes excess sugar from the blood and uses it for energy (Mooers 26). When a person eats large amounts of sugar, their blood sugar rises very quickly. When this happens, blood sugar levels can stay elevated. When a person’s blood sugar spikes, their skin is told to produce more sebum than normal, which is ultimately what clogs pores.

Genes have a role in acne, as well. That might explain why some people can eat all the sugar they want, dairy, gluten– all foods that normally cause acne– and not have any. However, epigenetics gives you the power to change your genes. Every person has about 20,000 genes. What is not commonly known is that these genes can be changed depending on your diet and lifestyle (Mooers 37). As Devin Mooers puts it, “your body can change the way your genes behave, and you can pass those changes on to your offspring, without altering your underlying DNA” (Mooers 38). This relates to acne because if you live an acne free lifestyle, treating your body well, you can build up “a reserve of epigenetic wealth” (Mooers). So even if you were not lucky with your genes and inherited acne prone skin, you can still make changes to have clear skin. Studies show that twins with acne are more likely to have a family history of at least one non-twin sibling with acne, one or both parents with acne, and at least one child with acne compared with twins without acne (Purdy). This reinforces the idea that it is partially a genetic condition. However, if you eat well and follow an anti-acne diet then you can start to build a reserve of epigenetic wealth from which your children will benefit.

Other acne causes include stress and the amount of sleep you get. Getting enough sleep is necessary for ridding yourself of acne. Sleep is the way our bodies recharge. It allows our immune systems to repair themselves and for both body and mind to rest. Stress causes acne by releasing cortisol: A hormone designed to block insulin from turning glucose into energy (Mooers 86). It makes your cells insulin resistant. Cortisol causes inflammation and also the overproduction of sebum. Finding ways to reduce stress efficiently can be tricky, but there are hundreds of ways to do it. Talking to a therapist, doing yoga, or exercising are but a few ways to reduce stress. Exercise releases endorphins in the brain that are shown to reduce stress. It also causes you to sweat, which pushes toxins out of your pores.

Acne is a billion dollar industry and pharmaceutical companies are profiting off of this skin condition that can be controlled without any drugs. There is a great debate on the effect of diet on acne. And even though acne is one of the most widespread medical conditions, there is still little known about certain cures. There is no doubt that there is a relationship between acne and certain foods. However, pharmaceutical companies are keen to keep public knowledge thereof to a minimum. You may be wondering, if diet has an affect on acne, why hasn’t my dermatologist told me this? This is because they tend not to know anything about it. Most medical schools have a minimum of 25 hours of required nutrition classes. However, most medical schools fall short of this (Mooers 13). So unless your doctor is holistic or naturopathic, they probably believe that diet and acne have no correlation. The medical industry is like a large pyramid with corporate companies sitting at the top. These companies, such as pharmaceutical ones, grain-grower companies, and the dairy industry are all interested in profits. Their main goal is to make money, not the health of the people (“The Truth About Acne and How Big Pharma Is Making Billions.”). Pharmaceutical companies largely fund many medical schools, so your doctor is getting their years of schooling without the proper education on anything that would hinder the profits of these corporations. Doctors learn for years about the treatment of acne symptoms with different drugs but not about the actual cause. And how what we put into our bodies can affect what comes out of it through our skin.
The problem with almost every acne treatment on the market is that it does not treat the root cause, but instead tackles only the symptoms. And most of those treatments are hazardous drugs that attack the acne from the outside. If you go to a dermatologist, they will treat acne in the ways that they learned in medical school, starting with first-line treatments such as topical remedies and then moving on to more intense second line treatments, or oral drugs. Acne can be treated medically in a number of ways. One of those ways is with topical treatments, such as benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid. Topical treatments are used for mild or moderate acne and reduce bacteria on the surface of the skin (Hamilton 238). Topical antibiotics are used against inflamed lesions and topical retinoids are used in treating both inflammatory and noninflammatory lesions (Purdy 950). If topical treatments are not effective, then oral treatments are prescribed. These treatments include oral antibiotics and contraceptive pills. And last, but not least, if those do not work, oral retinoids are prescribed. Known as Accutane, oral isotretinoin is a synthetic form of vitamin A (Purdy 951). It dries up the pores and severely changes the amount of sebum produced. Almost all of these treatments are not permanent, so when one fails, you move on to the next. It is a never-ending cycle of acne and treatment and then when that treatment fails, moving on to another. All the while, the pharmaceutical companies are profiting.

I know I am not a doctor or a nutritionist. I do know, however, that I have dealt with acne in the past. And the only thing that has worked for me is changing my diet. I went and got an allergy test and found out that I am allergic to corn and dairy. Not deathly allergic, just that my body doesn’t do well with them. And I know to stay away from those foods and my skin is clear when I do. I also try to keep my sugar to a minimum and whenever I don’t eat a lot of sugar, my skin is great.

There are four main foods that cause acne. They are dairy, sugar, vegetable oils and gluten. Dairy is one of the worst foods for acne, specifically cow’s milk. Just as was mentioned earlier, IGF-1 is one of the main culprits for acne. And cow’s milk is loaded with it. As Mooers puts it, “Cow’s milk is meant for rapidly growing calves and it is full of bovine IGF-1, which is identical to human IGF-1” (Mooers 25). So by drinking cow’s milk, your IGF-1 levels will increase causing clogged pores. Mother cows are injected with hormones so that they produce milk even if they have not just given birth. So when drinking milk, your insulin levels and your IGF-1 levels spike. Dr. William F. Danby of Dartmouth Medical School says, “These two polypeptide hormones work together to open the male hormone receptors that turn on acne (both in males and females)” (Rognlin). Dairy makes your skin produce excess sebum and clogs pores by binding dead skin cells inside your hair follicles. The raised levels of IGF-1 also promote inflammation. Now if dairy causes acne, how come some people can consume it without showing signs of acne? This is because they are simply the lucky ones who are missing a hormone/gene combination that is present in about 90% of the population (Rognlin). Similar to what was discussed when talking about acne and genes earlier.

Sugar is unhealthy, simple as that, yet it is in the majority of western foods. Just take a walk down any aisle at the grocery store and it is packed into almost everything on the shelf. It is in cereals, fruit juices, candy, ice cream, etc. It has embedded itself into the Western Diet. Sugar is proven more addictive than crack cocaine (Lenoir). So it can be hard to cut it out even if it’s effects are negative. Due to the fact that we are not supposed to consume large amounts of sugar, when we do, it sets off reward signals in our brains that makes self-control extremely difficult. Sugar causes acne by causing your blood sugar levels to rise, and your pancreas to produce insulin in order to process the sugar. Eventually your pancreas will not be able to keep up with the sugar needing to be processed. And then, when you are not producing enough insulin, your blood sugar levels rise and stay that way. If you are consuming moderate or high levels of sugar, then your immune system will not be able to keep up (Mooers 48). And what will show from the outside is acne and inflammation.

Vegetable oils such as canola, rapeseed, sunflower, safflower, soybean, corn, and cottonseed oils, shortenings, and margarine are all detrimental for your body and your skin (Mooers 48). Most vegetable oils are full of trans fats. Trans fats increase your LDL cholesterol and reduce your beneficial HDL cholesterol (“The Truth about Fats: Bad and Good.”). They are extremely hazardous to your health and can increase your risk of heart disease and stroke. As Devin Mooers put it, “Trans fats completely destroy your cholesterol levels and physically clog up your arteries” (Mooers 48). Many vegetable oils contain them due to the “extreme pressure, solvents, deodorizers, bleaches, and heat processing required to extract and refine the oils” (Mooers). Vegetable oils and seed oils also contain omega-6 fats and almost no omega-3s. Omega-6 fats are known to cause inflammation, so these oils cause acne by doing just that (“Omega-6 Fatty Acids.”). And with almost no omega-3’s, which are known to reduce inflammation, consuming of vegetable oil causes acne. Vegetable oils are also known to reduce your skin’s germ-fighting ability. Your body needs medium-chain fatty acids to fight off germs in the skin, which vegetable oils do not contain. So when you consume them, you are depriving your skin of the fatty acids needed to fight bacteria and ward off acne (Mooers 50).

Gluten affects skin by spiking blood sugar and causing a rush of insulin. When gluten is consumed, the body tries to break it down into amino acids, which is what it does with all proteins. But most people lack the enzymes necessary to break them down. So when your body cannot break down the gluten, it passes through your small intestine, damaging it (Mooers 52). If your small intestine is damaged then your ability to absorb nutrients compromised, which leads to acne. Many people are gluten sensitive without knowing it and their specific allergic reaction can come in the form of breaking out.

Acne is an epidemic that affects people in the Western world more frequently than it affects others. This fact, once again, backs up the idea that acne is caused by diet. In one study, researchers spent seven weeks comparing the skin of people from Kitava Island, Papua New Guinea, Ache people in Paraguay and typical American teenagers (Lange). There was no acne found in the 1,200 persons that they studied in Papua New Guinea. The people studied ranged from age 15 to 25. Of the 115 people studied in Paraguay, no acne was also found (Lange). Those in Paraguay eat a similar diet to those in Papua New Guinea however, they also eat animal protein. What is missing from their diets that is prevalent in Western diets are high-glycemic foods such as white flour (gluten) and sugar. And also, anything processed. Acne affects almost 90% off all adolescents in Western societies (Cordain). And in non-western societies it is almost non-existent. Some may say it has to do with genetics and environmental factors, but if you compare diets of Western and non-Western populations, you can identify the culprits of acne.

Acne affects nearly 50 million people in the US and it is believed to be caused by our Western Diet (Cordain). However, non-Westernized populations whose diets rely on local vegetables, fruits, meats without hormones, and fish show little to no signs of acne. Western diets are composed of heavy amounts of processed foods containing high amounts of sugar, gluten, and oils. Just take a walk down any lane at the grocery store and you will see cereals, chips, canned food, boxed food all loaded with chemicals to make sure the food doesn’t spoil. It’s all unnatural. I know that it can be time-consuming and sometimes more expensive to eat clean and unprocessed but I personally think it’s worth it whenever you can! And this is important information that has helped me with my skin!

The truth is that cosmetic and pharmaceutical industries are profiting off of our insecurities. They have created a customer base that is hooked on buying products for occurrences like dry skin/hair, oily skin/hair, acne, aging, redness and more. Skin care products make up the largest part of the global cosmetic industry (35.3% in 2014). In the United States alone, the cosmetic industry is estimated to make $62.46 billion in revenue this year and will only continue to rapidly grow. Companies who sell beauty, skincare and haircare products are looking to target the insecurities of their customers in order to rein in large profits. As a result, we end up spending hundreds of dollars on chemical filled products in order to mitigate our ‘flaws.’ How many times do you read the ingredients on the label of your products and can’t pronounce most, if not all, of them? Or go to your dermatologist to get a topical acne cream the dries out, irritates, inflames and covers your skin in harsh chemicals? By buying these products you are not only avoiding the cause of your skin problems, you are also causing additional damage to your skin, health and budget. The industry is more concerned with getting you hooked on spending money on their products than they are on actually fixing your condition(s) or targeting the root issues.

Gender Binaries

Transgender: someone whose gender identity is different than their biological sex.

Transsexual: term used to describe a transgender person who is looking to or has changed their biological sex to match their gender identity.

Transwoman: someone who is or was biologically male and identifies as female.

Transman: someone who is or was biologically female and identifies as male.

Transvestite or crossdresser: a person who dresses or performs the mannerisms of a sex or gender that is different than their own.

Genderqueer: someone who rejects typical binary systems of sex or gender and therefore create their own gender identity.

Cisgender: term for someone whose gender matches their biological sex. So for example: I am cisgender. I was born female and I identify as female.

Sexual Identity

Everyone has a sexual identity and orientation. And there are a lot more out there than just gay or straight. New terms have been developed to describe people who have their own sexual identity that doesn’t quite fit the current standard. Everyone has a different orientation and accepting yourself is the first step in accepting others.

I know personally, that in the past I did not believe in labels. If you go back on my Tumblr there were times in the past where I didn’t call myself a feminist and I was very elusive with my sexual orientation. I simply said I didn’t believe in labels and I didn’t think you had to label yourself one way or another. For example, I didn’t think I had to call myself a feminist to be one. And similarly, I didn’t have to call myself or decide if I was bi-sexual to be sexually fluid.

As I have grown up, I’ve gained new experiences and new insight. I still understand where I was coming from, but just because I didn’t like the concept of being labeled, doesn’t mean I didn’t have one. Heterosexuality is a sexual orientation. Just as Bisexuality is one. And being attracted to whom you are attracted to and not caring about a label or why you are attracted to those people is also a sexual orientation. We are making great strides in understanding human sexual behavior and gender roles. Yet, it’s something that is still very taboo and misunderstood. Humans are extremely complex and made up of different parts: we are physical, mental, emotional, and sexual beings. Questioning and beginning to figure out your sexual orientation and identity is an important undertaking, and we must also understand that everyone is different and there is not one sexual orientation.

First, let’s start with some descriptions of the different words used to describe human sexuality.

Sexual orientation:
This term describes the sex or sexes, gender or genders to which you are sexually, emotionally or romantically attracted.

Common orientations are :

Heterosexual :
attracted to the opposite sex or gender

Homosexual : attracted to the same sex or gender

Bisexual : attracted to both sexes and genders

Pansexual: attracted to all sexes and genders

You can go to my other post on sexual acronyms for a list of different sexual orientations.

Sexual Preference:
This is being sexually attracted to a specific type of person. So maybe you’re only into brunette guys. Or you like someone who plays soccer. This also refers to sexual behavior, so maybe specific sexual acts that you prefer over others. It’s important to note that your sexual orientation is not a sexual preference. However, within your orientation, you can have sexual preferences. So for example, I am attracted to both genders but not to every person of both genders. And I tend to only be romantically involved with men although I have had sexual experiences with women. And that is a sexual preference that I have been exploring.

Sexual Identity:
Sexual identity is the term that is personal and includes everything about you. It’s the term to describe your sexuality. It can include your sexual orientation but is not limited to it. It can include what types of relationships you like, what your physical sexual preferences are, your experience, your interests, etc. Sexual identity is the most fluid term. Your sexual identity will most likely change over the span of your life, it will evolve and develop. I know for a fact, how I viewed myself as a sexual being has changed immensely since I was in high school.

It’s important to remember that, yes, we are sexual beings. And for me personally, my sexuality and sexuality, in general, is a big part of my life. It’s something that I’m passionate about. However, there are many other parts of life that are interesting and hold meaning. There is no rush to figure out who you are, what your identity is; like I said, it will most likely change. Your current sexual identity is yours and yours only and it doesn’t have to be your whole identity and you don’t have to share it with others if you don’t want to. I just find it interesting to be aware of this stuff. And if you are struggling with identifying yourself that it’s okay! And sometimes it’s a slow process. We are all living one life.

Acronyms: LGBTQA

L = Lesbian

G = Gay

B = Bisexual

T = Transgender or Transsexual

Q = Questioning or Queer

A = Asexual (someone who doesn’t feel sexual or attracted to anyone.

I = Intersex

P = Pansexual (attracted to all people of all sexes and genders)

O = Omnisexual or other

You Have The Power To Choose A Healthy Sex Life

In this day and age, we have the resources to understand and develop a more well-­rounded sexuality. Sexuality is very personal to everyone. We all have different sexual preferences, sexual orientations, body images, relationship needs, gender identities, and biological differences­­- that can all make sexuality overwhelming. But there are abundant resources to help us understand this natural part of being human.

Your sex life should be enjoyable! It should be happy and it should be fulfilling. And whether you wait to remain a virgin till you’re married or for the entirety of your life, one thing remains constant: your sexuality is yours and yours only. Every choice you make sexually should come from a healthy and happy place. As you grow up, your sexual preferences will most likely change and adapt. You will figure out what turns you on and what makes you feel emotionally sound. And as that happens, it is important to make smart and healthy choices: ones that are right for you!

As Heather Corinna says in her book S.E.X., “You have the unique opportunity to create,explore, nurture, and enjoy an authentic, personal sexuality that is beneficial to you and others, that is healthy and balanced, that is informed and empowering, and that allows you to find and express intimacy, joy, and pleasure in your life.” (10).

We live in a sexually repressed society. I have created this blog on the internet to feed into the movement of normalizing sexual behavior. And on a larger scale, to hopefully draw attention to the issues that we all run into when dealing with our sexuality. It’s important to claim our sexuality to celebrate it! That’s not me telling you to run around and have sex with everyone, it’s me telling you to educate yourself and those close to you! There is so much to study and learn from our bodies and sexuality. We have the power to make this a safer society and a happier one, too. And it all starts by talking.

When They Play You

I think we’ve all gone after that one guy or girl who plays you. And what I mean by “playing you”, is that they act completely differently when they’re with you than when they’re not: Whether you run into them the next day– out with another girl– or they just never hit your line again.

It always leaves you wondering if you’re crazy and made the whole story up… or maybe they’re just fucked up. Like that one guy who says he wants to date you and you guys hook up. And then he doesn’t text you for days. Or recently, I had a fun one where I went to dinner with a guy and had been hanging with him, only to see him out the following night with another girl. Now don’t get me wrong: I know I can get another guy in a second, as can you. But there’s something about the one who doesn’t treat you like you know you should be treated, that just gets to you. It fucks with your ego. And it gets you asking yourself a million questions. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I haven’t been into these guys before or that they haven’t hurt my feelings. But an incredibly helpful thing I learned, that has helped me to be much less affected when people like this walk into my life, is to never take anything personally. When someone doesn’t text you back even though you think you guys might have something– or when you see them out with someone else– you need to remember it has nothing to do with you. Someone else’s actions don’t relate to you… they relate to them. Their actions are the result of something going on in their life. It doesn’t mean that you’re not great, it honestly doesn’t even mean they’re not into you! But humans are fucking complicated. I know in the past when I haven’t texted a guy back, even when maybe I appeared to be into him, it was usually because I was going through something or it didn’t fit me in that moment.

You’re going to go through this many times in your life. I think it’s just important to remember that this too will pass. And that at least you guys weren’t married with kids or something. A player plays people and runs through people’s’ feelings for many reasons. It’s usually the result of trust issues or maybe being too immature. Or perhaps they’re just afraid of what they actually want. This post isn’t about changing them: after all, you can’t change anyone but yourself. But it’s about not being so affected when someone does play you and fucks you over…. And how to move on. And maybe next time to be more aware of what you’re getting yourself into. If someone isn’t making a conscious effort to hang with you and be good to you, then fuck them! You deserve better.

Morning After Pill

The morning after pill is emergency contraception that can be used to prevent pregnancy after unprotected sex. If an accident happens (condom breaks, forget to take your birth control pills, your partner doesn’t pull out in time) and you had unprotected sex, you can take the morning after pill to safely prevent yourself from getting pregnant.

How it works:

You don’t get pregnant immediately after sex. It can take up to six days for the sperm and egg to join. What emergency contraception pills do is they keep a woman’s ovary from releasing an egg for longer than usual which prevents pregnancy from occurring because the egg and sperm can’t join.

Morning after pills are not abortion pills they are a form of emergency birth control.

Effectiveness:

The morning after pill is extremely effective. If taken within 72 hours after unprotected sex, it is 89% effective. Now saying that, it’s not something you should be taking regularly, it’s called emergency contraceptive for a reason. Don’t use it as a form of birth control and take it after sex every time. You should think about going on some form of birth control if you’re sexually active.

Is it safe?

Yes, it is safe but it’s not something you should be taking regularly. Millions of women use it without any complications. I’ve taken it before and it worked well without getting sick or anything bad happening. The only thing it tends to do is change your period, either making it lighter or heavier. It can also make you feel nauseous, so I suggest taking it with food.

How can you get it?

Emergency Contraception is available to ANYONE no matter your age, at any drugstore without a prescription. It costs around $50-$70. Apparently there are a couple brands that won’t sell it to anyone under the age of 16 without a prescription but you can get Plan B One-Step and Next Choice at any age without a prescription. They are also available at any Planned Parenthood. It is important to note that the sooner you take the morning after pill, after unprotected sex, the more effective it will be. Just follow the instructions, some packages have one pill, some have two. And take it as soon as you can. Then really think about going on some form of birth control!

artwork by @majesstical

How To Get Over A Break Up

Let’s start by saying that there is no one recipe to get over someone you loved. Sorry if that’s an annoying start to this post, but it’s true and it’s something with which we all have to come to terms. Honestly, when it comes to anything difficult in our lives: There’s not one right way to deal with things

I’ve definitely gone through my fair share of breakups. And it’s always in the days after, that you sit there and wonder if the relationship was even worth it. Every relationship I’ve ever had– which is three serious ones– have taught me valuable lessons and made me grow as a person. Yes, I’ve been cheated on, yes, I have cheated on. I’ve been through the whole spiel. But what it boils down to at the end of the day, as I see it, is that everything happens for a reason. Granted, breakups are not easy and they never will be! Yet, every shitty thing that a guy has done to me has made me a lot stronger. Sometimes people enter your lives solely to make you a better person. But I think when you sit back and realize that, it’s a lot easier to cope with the actions of others, and to keep a positive mindset. It was meant to happen, and even if it ended badly, we had amazing times.

I could give you pointers on small changes you can make that will help you feel better: Like distracting yourself and hanging out with friends or taking baths. Or some people turn to drugs to numb the pain. But the truth is, we are all emotional beings and we are going to feel what we feel no matter what. The sooner you realize that you have to accept the pain, the sooner you’ll get through it. Let your emotions run their course.

Spoiler alert: Life is really hard! We all know that. And it’s not like we’re taught in school, or by anyone really, how to deal with real shit. No one ever told me what to tell a friend who lost a parent. No one taught me how to automatically forget a boy that has hurt me. I think the best thing you can do, is to focus on the good memories you had with that person and to be honest: Honest with them and honest with yourself. Everything happens for a reason. People come into our lives to teach us specific lessons. If someone cheated on you or hurt you really bad and you break up, you feel like you’re dying for a minute. And then a couple months later you meet someone, with whom you fall in love, and you’re way more in love than you were with your first boyfriend: Life works that way. It’s a very painful, but equally beautiful cycle. With every ending comes a new beginning and every door that shuts, opens a new door.

I think just sitting back and thinking and realizing that whoever hurt you, came into your life for a specific reason: to hurt you in that way to make you stronger. I’m not saying they want to make you grow, and that’s the reason they hurt you. But we’re human: We’re all selfish on a certain level. And people act in ways based on their own reality. If someone fucks you over, you need to realize it has NOTHING to do with you. If a boy chooses another girl over you, it doesn’t have to do with you. Although it may feel like it, it’s not that she’s better than you. You may sit in bed at night and cry and compare yourself to her. But you just have to breathe, and know that maybe they’re just more compatible. And in a perfect world, we would be happy for exes or whatever to move on and be happy. But we have egos and fragile minds that can so easily go to dark places. I’ve had so many girlfriends recently go through this. Even older guys I know. The sooner you come to terms with the fact that people’s actions have nothing to do with anyone but themselves and their own selfish desires (which isn’t entirely wrong– we are all here for ourselves), the sooner you will be free from suffering.

Some basic pointers that have helped me get over exes

  • Blocking them on social media, so that I’m not constantly stalking or reminded of them.
  • Not hanging out with their friends, so once again, you’re not reminded of them because, trust me, their friends will bring them up.
  • Keeping busy!! hanging out with good friends.
  • Putting time and effort into real ass friendships! Stop with this surface level shit. You don’t need to hangout with a huge group of people. Go to lunch with a good friend, maybe someone you haven’t even seen in awhile. And go get coffee. Ask them how they’re doing. Tell them your goals, ask them about theirs. I’ve been trying this new thing where I don’t shit talk about people: because it’s way too easy to do that. Conversations can get boring and sometimes you don’t feel like you can connect, so you default into talking badly about someone who’s not even having lunch with your friend and you….. And it’s fucked up. But I do it. And you do it. We all fucking do it. But push yourself. Try abstaining for a day. Don’t say anything bad about anyone. Instead, go to lunch and really check in with your friend. I promise it it will help in making you feel so much better. Most of all, it will create better friendships, wherein people will start to actually know you. And people will start to care.
  • Give back! Go volunteer in a homeless shelter or soup kitchen once a week. Go help people in need. It won’t necessarily take away from your problems, and, yes, the people you’re helping problems may be much “worse “ than yours in a way. But you are still entitled to feel how you do. And that’s totally okay to be broken. But it’s proven that those who go out and help others are much happier than the rest of society.
  • DONT do drugs. Don’t reach for that pill bottle or pop a Xanax. It’s so easy, especially in this day and age where things like that are so easily accessible. But trust me, don’t do it. It’s not worth it. Numbing the pain doesn’t get rid of it. You’re treating the symptoms or sadness and depression/anxiety instead of the root cause. Which is that you’re hurt. You’re emotionally hurt. And that is okay. Every single person on this planet has had their heart broken or has been hurt. You’re going to get through it. I promise.
  • Don’t go out and sleep with a bunch of people. I mean, I guess I can’t say don’t go out and do that. But for the most part, I know it doesn’t make people feel better. Like the thought of hooking up with people because I’m mad, is fun, in the moment. But then I just feel guilty after. You miss your ex!! That’s okay 🙂 But time will pass, and eventually you will get over them.
  • It’s easy to jump into another relationship when you’re hurting. It’s easy to get petty and want to hook up with your ex’s friends– just to make them upset. But don’t do it. It’s not going to make you happy. It’s temporary, and it always hurts everyone involved.
  • Put time into real friendships– like I mentioned earlier — instead of partying. And then go to those people when you need help. When you’re devastated, call on your friends and go lay in bed with them and cuddle. You don’t even have to talk. You can just cry. That’s totally okay!!! You don’t have to hold your emotions in. And just because something trivial might you affect you more than other people, it doesn’t mean you’re crazy. It just means you feel things on a different level than others.

Anyways, those are some tips from me to you about how I deal with breakups. Ultimately, these are just some strategies that, over time, I’ve come to see as useful. And it’s not that I have all the answers: I’m human, too! I’ve definitely made mistakes. I’ve been petty. I’ve hooked up with ex’s friends. I’ve jumped from relationship to relationship because I’ve been afraid of being alone. But just know that you aren’t alone!!!! Keep reminding yourself of that, and if you need the support, tell your close friends and they will give it to you.
One last thing, look back over your life. Sit back and look back at it like a timeline. How many people have you dated or really liked? How many people, after things ended, did you want to die? For me, there’s a couple. And I look back sometimes, and I’m like what the fuck was I thinking?!? Or you get over them and you’re like wow, a year ago I was soooooo upset over you and I could care less about you now. Life works that way, it’s always moving. Try to keep your chin up and know everything is going to be okay. I love you <3

artwork done by: @majesstical