Dating apps like Tinder and Grindr have become a casual and easy way to find a quick hook up or go on a date. With this new way of meeting and dating people, we need to consider the risks and rewards they might present. We no longer meet people through mutual friends; the benefit is that we can meet a seemingly infinite number of people online, but very few of them come vetted through social circles. We must remember how quick and easy it is to create an artificial presence on social media; but how long it takes to actually figure out who someone truly is. It’s important to really get to know someone before you fully trust them, especially when their Tinder profile is the all of the information to which you have access. Dating apps can be a great way to meet people with whom you otherwise wouldn’t connect. And they definitely can create really positive experiences and relationships, as long as you know how to be responsible and cautious.
I have friends who have met their boyfriends on dating apps and things have worked out great. And I also know people who use it solely for sex and nothing more than that. I think being honest about what you want and knowing your limits is important. If you want something more with someone you met on an app, I would suggest probably not sleeping with them right away. It takes time to get to know someone. And with these immediate and virtual ways of meeting people, it’s creating a gray area of how we approach dating in the 21st century. I’ve read articles that have come out this year in large news and magazine sources saying how these apps are ruining the foundation of relationships. Because it is so easy to find someone to hook up with, people don’t look for commitment anymore. It’s odd and somewhat disheartening to think that if the person gets bored or you guys don’t hit it off, they can just swipe right on another person. I think studies of how this is changing our behavior and psyches will continue to develop. There’s no doubt this isn’t “normal” but it’s undeniably the way things are heading. Looking for long term relationships or just casual encounters are both valid reasons to use these apps. Just make sure you and your date are on the same page from the start.
When you decide to hook up with someone you’ve met off of an app, use barrier protection. You don’t know someone’s medical or sexual history. If you are uncomfortable, it’s okay to leave at any time. Communication is one of the most important and fundamental parts of being human and forming a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, there is a sore lack of it today. And with the increase in short, brief discussion, perpetuated by apps and texting, it can be hard to get across the full extent of how you’re feeling. I’ve used an app before and I actually haven’t ever hooked up with someone off of it, but I have gone to dinner, coffee and have made a few good friends. But it’s no lie that in the back of my mind, I haven’t questioned these people’s intentions for hanging out with me. Are they only here because they want to hook up with me? Or do they actually want to get to know me? Ultimately, you control that. If someone is making a lot of time for you and is interested in more than just sleeping with you, then they probably like you for more than that. And if they only wanna hook up, you’ll probably get that vibe pretty quickly.. And honestly, that’s totally fine as long as you’re communicating what you want out of it!
The United States has the highest rate of date rape in the world and it’s the highest among young adults. So please read over my safety tips and keep them in mind. If you are meeting someone for the first time, it’s important to think about basic safety.
Some basic safety tips:
- Keep private information private. Where you live, your phone number, last name, and school should stay private, especially if you have no mutual friends and don’t know anything about each other. If you want to get to know them more, you can move on to the next step and meet in a public place.
- ALWAYS meet in a public place. Make sure you tell a friend or trusted adult where you’re going and what time you’ll be meeting them. If someone you trust knows where you are they can always check in on you once you go meet them. It’s really easy to be trusting that everyone is good. You have to be smart and not naive, and know that unfortunately there are some bad people out there so just be aware.
- Always trust your gut. Keep your wits about you. If you get fishy vibes or a bad feeling, get out of there. Even if you’re in a public place.
- Be honest and be yourself. How can you start off meeting someone and expecting things to progress, if you can’t be yourself? Don’t try to change yourself in the moment to fit their expectation. Be honest about your age. There’s no point in deceiving someone because the truth always comes out.
- Don’t be embarrassed to leave. If it’s uncomfortable or awkward, don’t be afraid to say you have to go. I’ve done this before and I wasn’t embarrassed to do so.