I don’t believe that there is a magic age for you to start having sex; a decision to engage in sex depends on numerous factors. And, aside from the legal aspect of a consensual sexual relationship, age shouldn’t be a huge factor. In my opinion, age doesn’t determine when you are ready for sex. Generally age correlates with maturity… but that isn’t always the case! Being mature doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready to have sex.
Growing up in Seattle, most people I knew started having sex in high school. There were also some people that started younger (in middle school) and some that remained virgins through graduation.
Sexual activities require sexual development and emotional maturity and I think that is where age plays an important role. As a rule, you shouldn’t engage in sexual activity until after puberty and, even at that point, I believe most people aren’t yet emotionally ready. I know that I wasn’t able to fully understand what sex entailed until later on in high school.
My advice to you, for figuring out the right age to start having sex, is to go through the Sexual Readiness Checklist and see if you can answer yes to most of the questions. Sex is personal and everyone is different! I know people who want to wait until marriage and I know people who lost their virginities early on in high school. I feel that you should be doing what you want; do what feels healthy and right for you.
A lot of people come to me saying that their friends are sexually active and that they feel pressure to keep up. In the United States, just over half of teens have had intercourse by the end of high school and many teens lie and say they’re sexually active when they’re not. Many young adults assume that all their peers and friends are sexually active. This assumption and pressure results in unwanted and un-communicated sexual activity.
When we are young, we are very susceptible to peer pressures such as alcohol, partying, and sex; we are dying to fit in. I want to make it very clear that you should never feel pressure to do something you don’t want to do! You should only ever engage in sexual activity when you feel ready. No matter how old you are–if you’re legal, of course–the right age for you might not be the same as those around you, and that’s okay! Whenever it feels right for you is when you should start.