Your Mom and Dad Were Dirty Sluts, Too

Meet, fuck, repeat. Meet, fuck, text a little bit… decide that’s too much work, fuck someone else — it’s the millennial MO, right?

After all, we’re emotionally stunted sex machines incapable of intimacy whose greatest generational contribution (other than reality television) will be the final nail in the coffin of modern dating. Darn Grand Theft Auto and rap music!

One of many stigmas pinned to everyone born in the past twenty-five years is that of rabid promiscuity. Whether it’s the judgey CVS checkout lady eyeing our hickeys or the unsubstantiated articles proclaiming the death of intimacy at our hands, outsiders are continually making judgments about the private lives of millennials.

Articles with incendiary titles like, “9 Ways The Hook-Up Culture is Ruining Love As We Know It” surface on the blogosphere every other week, and what’s worse, they enjoy a steady circulation via Facebook shares.

The gist of these opinion pieces is that Generations Y and Z are ditching monogamy in favor of sleeping around, and by doing so, not only have we forgotten how to date, but we are losing the ability to foster intimacy altogether. Adding insult to injury, these essays often go on to state that everyone having intercourse outside of a serious partnership is having bad sex — assumably because they lack a substantive connection. Ouch.

The aforementioned article even went as far as to claim that “hook-up culture”, through its close ties with the bar and nightclub scene, encourages drug and alcohol abuse. Every 20-something should add “addict” to emotionless sex zombie. 

Naturally, the authors of these “think” pieces don’t bother to include any statistics to back up their claims, because why bother with good journalism when you’re the supreme authoritarian on the sex lives of millennials everywhere?

As it turns out, science is on our side. Dr. Sandra L. Caron has been administering the same 100 question sexual survey to students at the University of Maine from 1990 to 2015, publishing her findings in her book, The Sex of Lives of College Students: A Quarter Century of Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors. Contrary to popular belief, her results indicate that the average number of sex partners among college students has consistently remained between two and four for the past 25 years. 

An additional study found that only 15% of college students surveyed hook-up more than twice a year, with a loose definition of a “hookup” ranging anywhere from kissing to actual intercourse.  And wait for it — sex surveys reported similar results in the 1960s and 1970s. That’s right, your mom and dad were dirty, dirty sluts too.

So why does Gen Y get all this bad press? Well, to be fair, on the surface it does appear like millennials are bedding more randos, but it’s only because we’re not afraid to tell you about it.

Gen Y didn’t invent hooking up. Humans have been having casual sex since the dawn of time (e.g. Roman bathhouses) and odds are they’ll continue having it. The difference is that now they’re less ashamed of it. The illusion of a more prevalent hookup culture comes from the fading stigma surrounding casual sex. Having multiple non-serious partners is no longer taboo in the way it was 40 years ago.

By unapologetically discussing our sex lives, millennials have shed some much needed light on the reality of casual encounters. This is a good thing, and a far cry from the slut shaming of yesterday. By doing so, we inevitably take some heat from social conservatives, but let’s not pretend this is a “culture” unique to our generation.

We should be celebrating our newfound societal ability to stomach open discussion about sex, rather than inventing false tales of promiscuity. Let’s not confuse progress on the social front with widespread shifts in behavioral patterns.

If casual sex isn’t your thing, rock on. Engage in a dialogue with your partner beforehand, because not every millennial uses Sex and the City as a dating playbook. The proof is in the numbers; the majority of our generation isn’t kicking people out of bed in the morning.

As for the millennials who share these “hook-up culture” articles, you’re perpetuating fiction that makes your peers feel like they’re not getting laid as much as everyone else. If you buy into the notion that love is dead, I’d challenge you to consider the possibility that last weekend’s one-night stand isn’t ignoring your texts due to a generational shortcoming, but rather a genuine desire to not commit to anyone at this time in their life. A personal choice that should be equally as respected as monogamy. Or maybe you suck… the problem is sometimes within. 

Listen.

The generations before were hardly virginal, and like them, when the time is right, we’ll hang up our condoms, cuddle up on our frameless mattresses on the floor, and binge watch HBO with that special someone.

Until then, there is nothing wrong with Gen Y exploring what they like and what they want with several different partners. As long as one is safe, happy, and healthy — there is no problem.

Intimacy has many faces, and they don’t need qualification. With the world going to shit, millennials fucking their brains out should be our last concern.

Swipe on, whores.