Author: / KAAST Staff /

Every week our writers share a bit of themselves with you. Inspired by their vulnerability, we sat some of our core team members down for an intimate interview.

We chatted with Bri Scripture, our in-house graphic designer who generates  visuals for the website, social media, and Killer And A Sweet Thang’s events. She is currently studying design in New York City, and in addition to her 2D work, she’s begun to explore animation and motion graphics.

 

Where are you from originally?

Bri: Richmond, Virginia.

 

Do you think your family dynamic growing up has influenced your work in any way?

I think it really informed my relationships now. How I view my future and myself with other people because of growing up with a single mom, and not really having any men around for my most formative years. It being my mom and I, that’s a lot of femme energy. I think definitely not having to answer to any men and not having a father figure, that has changed the way that I act and things that I care about. I think that I probably have daddy issues, which is a recent development.

 

I mean, it’s part of growing up where you’re just like, ‘I have baggage!’

You know how people always make fun of daddy issues? And I’m like, Oh wait though… 

 

How did you get involved in KAAST?

Through social media, which really speaks to how KAAST works. I’d been following both @birds.bees and Eileen and there was a post about needing help and I’d always been interested in this type of work so I thought, why not?

 

Can you tell the readers a little bit about what you do for Killer And A Sweet Thang?

I feel like it started out as just finding content, but as it turns out there was a space for me to be doing design, which is my biggest passion, and being able to use my design for the causes that I care about. This is such a small team so we all have to play a bigger role, but mainly I do graphic design.

 

What’s your favorite part about graphic design?

I think my favorite part is when I’m on the computer and—this is a blessing and a curse—you can do anything that you want. You have all these tools. 

 

Now some fun stuff. Do you prefer dating apps or IRL?

In real life.

 

Handjob or oral?

Oral.

 

Sub or dom?

Sub.

 

Sex on the first date?

It depends, but I’m in favor.

 

What turns you on?

Big dick energy, humor.

 

How would you define big dick energy?

I would say big dick energy is just like confidence in who you are. [BDE] can manifest itself in many different ways, and it’s ok if you don’t have it, I don’t have it. I don’t have big dick energy. It’s fine. I took a quiz and it told me I didn’t, so.

 

What! Where is the quiz?

I was a zero percent on Buzzfeed.

 

No, you did not get zero percent?

I got a whole zero. 

 

What turns you off?

Someone that’s super conservative. When we don’t vibe, if I don’t feel comfortable around you—that’s a turnoff for me. 

 

Have you ever been ghosted or ghosted someone?

Yes, it’s a bad habit.

 

Which way?

Me ghosting somebody.

 

Why did you ghost somebody?

Sometimes I’m just really bad at confrontation, for whatever reason, and then I feel so guilty that I just have to run away.

 

Have you ever been ghosted?

Yes, but then I always receive clarity at some point. I seek out clarification of the ghosting.

 

Do you like dirty talk?

Yeah. I think it’s necessary, for me.

 

Do you send nudes?

Circumstantially.

 

What a concise answer. Do you have any advice on taking them?

I think what’s most important is not forcing it. If you’re feeling sensual, if you’re feeling yourself, that’s the perfect time. But if you’re not feeling good about yourself that day—and that’s totally fine—then maybe it’s not the day for it. But I think feeling comfortable, feeling good, working your angles. Just get that shot, ya know?

 

What’s the worst thing a former partner has said to you?

The thing that probably hurt the most was being told that I was a different and changed person in a bad way.

 

And how did you respond to that?

I felt more like that was his problem. In retrospect, maybe I was kind of being someone that wasn’t true to myself, but that wasn’t necessarily his place to say that about me. I was like, whatever you’re thinking, that’s just what you’re deflecting onto me. I just think you don’t like the person I am now.

 

Do you find it hard to connect to people in the digital age?

Yeah. It feels like so often it’s the source of all our confusion. So much is based on if somebody texted you back and how they texted you back. This whole digital thing, it’s like we’ve got two versions of life. I think it complicates things, especially with relationships and dating.

 

 

How do you deal with rejection?

I do not take it well at all. I have this whole thing, and I’m trying to work on this, where I’m like, who would reject me? What’s wrong with me? So I have this new perspective that how people feel about you sometimes has nothing to do with you. It’s just their perspective that they’ve placed on you. So I try to let go.

 

Do you have any advice on letting go? 

Sometimes you just have to continue telling yourself to get over it until it happens. With social media—unfollowing, muting, whatever you need to do—because the little reminders can make it so much worse. Just accepting the rejection over and over. Like it’s fine, that’s what that person thinks, and there’s nothing I can do about that.

 

Have you ever lied to get out of a sexual situation?

Yes, countless.

 

Can you give us one of the lies you’ve used?

I feel like they’re all pretty regular, like sometimes I’m like, “Oh I started cooking before I left, so I need to go finish my noodles.” I’ve said that before.

 

Really? Like you’ve insinuated that you’ve left on the boiler?

I guess that’s what I was saying. I was like, “Oh, I started cooking,” and I was nearby so it maybe made sense.

 

Why do you think you felt the need to lie?

Sometimes it’s a pure defense thing. You feel [as though] this person is not going to let off unless you have a real reason. Sometimes it’s hard to be assertive, or you want to turn them down now but you want them to know you’re still open to it in the future. I think often it’s just me having a hard time articulating how I feel.

 

Would you say you’re a good kisser?

Honestly, I don’t even know. Sometimes I feel like I’m killing it and sometimes I’m like, Oh, no. 

 

What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done in bed? And you can plead the fifth if you want to.

I’m pleading the fifth.

 

Have you ever been in love?

I think so.

 

Have you ever been heartbroken?

Yes.

 

How did you get over it?

Honestly, I feel like, do we ever get over heartbreak? I don’t know if we ever do.

 

So there’s some people out there you’re still thinking about?

Yeah. I never have a linear healing process. It’s always all over the place. Some days I feel like I’m good, and then some days I’m like, Oh no, this is totally repressed and I need to handle it.

 

Do you have any advice for young people navigating dating and sex in 2018?

My biggest thing is to follow your gut instinct, be as transparent as possible, and to always put yourself first. And don’t ever question your value and your worth at the hands of someone else.  

 

Every week our writers share a bit of themselves with you. Inspired by their vulnerability, we sat some of our core team members down for an intimate interview.

We talked to our head of editorial, who, with a small army of seven copy editors, curates and oversees all of Killer And A Sweet Thang’s written content. Jacob Seferian is a 22 year-old journalist, whose work has appeared in over ten publications, including V Magazine, Polyester Zine, and Alt Citizen. He’s been working with KAAST since 2016.

 

Where are you from?

Jacob: I’m originally from Houston, Texas.

 

What kind of influence would you say that’s had on you, especially with the work you do?

I grew up in a more conservative state, and a big reason I got involved with KAAST was [because] growing up I had no access to any sort of queer sexual Ed. There were questions about assplay that weren’t answered for me, so I chose to go to Yahoo Answers and porn. When I lost my virginity, I got a hemorrhoid. I saw this bump on the outside of my asshole and I was like, I have anal herpes. But it turns out, I didn’t. That was a big turning point for me because I [realized] I don’t know anything, and if I don’t know anything, I’m sure there’s other little queer babies out there who don’t know anything either.

 

How did you get involved in KAAST?

About two years ago, my friend tagged me in a post that said Killer And A Sweet Thang is looking for writers. I wrote, still to date, one of the most personal pieces I’ve ever written about my body image in relation to having sex and sent it over. Eileen and her team really liked it and contacted me. From there, I started working with you guys on a submission basis, and then moved up to editor, and now we’re at the configuring we’re at now.

 

You were recently in school. What advice would you give for people trying to get to a similar place in their career?  

Work hard! Cultivate a talent and a skill and become really good at it. I feel I did the opposite of what my university told me to do. They said you have to become really good at all these different moving parts of the digital age: you have to be a designer, a graphics person, you have to code… you won’t ever get work as just a writer. And I said, “That’s cute. I’m gonna try.” Throughout school I was working constantly and I’d just send things out. More important than getting published, it gave me the chance to practice. So I guess my advice to anyone is hone a skill, find what you love and work really hard at it.

 

Do you have any big inspirations?

Grace Jones. I think she’s just absolutely incredible, and I think the progressiveness she brought to the dialogue surrounding sexual identity was so before its time. Even cooler than the fact that it was so before it’s time is [that] when you watch interviews with her, she has no idea she’s being radical! And my friends. Is that corny? I’m inspired by the people around me, constantly.

 

Let’s go to some rapid fire questions. Dating apps or IRL?

In real life, but I think, unfortunately, a lot of the men I meet are via dating apps.

 

Handjob or oral?

Oral.

 

Sub or dom?

Sub.

 

Do you have a favorite position?

I like missionary. I like to look at people’s faces, that way you know they’re not thinking about anyone else.

 

Do you have a least favorite position?

Any position I’m uncomfortable in.

 

Sex on the first date?

Absolutely.

 

What turns you on?

Kindness, sense of humor… oh, I want to scratch those! Those are important but the biggest turn on to me, hands down, is when you’re talking to somebody and they’re really listening to you, and it doesn’t seem like they’re thinking about what they’re going to say next, they’re just fully in the moment. That makes me so wet.

 

What turns you off? 

Not being able to admit that you’re wrong, stubbornness. Refusing to apologize really bugs me, and taking yourself too seriously. *groans*

 

Have you ever been ghosted or ghosted someone?

Yes and yes.

 

How do you let someone know that you’re into them?

I usually tell them. I have Scorpio sex eyes, so you kind of know when I’m into you.

 

How do you practice safer sex in your more casual hook-ups, do you have a way of bringing up you want to use protection?

There have been times where I haven’t used condoms, and I’m not proud of it, but those moments are rare. I tell people flat out, “You can’t enter me if you don’t have protection.” I think there’s a lasting stigma with HIV and AIDS within the queer community that really makes people respect [using condoms]. It’s kind of built into our cultural dialogue, more so maybe than hetero couples.

 

How would you describe Grindr to your Grandma?

A place for young men to meet. *laughs* That’s all grandma gets!

 

Any other thoughts on Grindr?

I think it is a meat market, in every sense of the term. My friend always says, “If you spend two hours on Grindr… it delivers.” It’s really interesting that Grindr operates in sexual absolutism that way. Like you’re probably going to get laid on Grindr if you spend enough time on there. Which can’t be said for any other area of your life.

 

How do you think that relates to casual sex and the queer community as a whole?

There’s this huge thing about queer promiscuity in relation to perceived heterosexual promiscuity. People just think queer people are fucking each other way more than straight people are. But I think there’s a cultural context for that. When the act of sex is demonized and outlawed, the act becomes so radical. People love to throw the false phrase around, “Men are hornier than women, so when there’s two men involved…” I think that negates the cultural significance of being able to have sex with whoever you want. That’s a very powerful, political tool, and a right that is not allotted to everyone.

.

Do you think social media and these apps makes intimacy harder to come by? 

Yes and no. I do think there are more obstacles in our way to connection than there were, but I don’t think humans want it any less.

 

How does Jacob Seferian deal with rejection?

I’d say OK. I’d say physical rejection I deal with fairly well. [But] recently, I dealt with a more emotional rejection. I was seeing this guy and we technically broke things off mutually, but over time I realized he had pulled away beforehand. I felt like I had autonomy in that situation, but then in the months that followed I had to come terms with [the fact that] I was ready to take this relationship to the next level and he wasn’t. And I felt really emotionally rejected because of that, and that was much deeper for me. And I didn’t take that well… a lot of drinking and partying, sorry mom!

 

Can you describe the best sex of your life?

Yes. He lived in a peach-colored room.

 

Have you ever felt empty after sex?

Oh yeah, all time the time! *laughs* But I usually think it’s more personal than anything else. I’ve had sexual experiences where I’ve hooked up with a guy, and it was all fun and dandy, but I realized afterwards that I didn’t really want to be with someone else, I just wanted someone to want me in that moment. And that makes me feel a little empty… but I think I’m pretty kind to myself. Like I’m 22. I’m allowed to make mistakes, as long as I do so safely and I don’t violate myself or anyone else.

 

*Photo of Jacob by Kayla Roolaart. 

Killer And A Sweet Thang originated as Eileen Kelly’s high school Tumblr account. Growing up in a conservative Catholic community in Seattle with a single dad, she didn’t have many people to talk to about puberty or sexual health. Forced to figure out the answers to important questions on her own, she would often turn to her peers or the internet. But everything she found online seemed to be written from a solely clinical point of view. 

Tired of watching herself and peers struggle with sexual situations, in the spring of 2016 she set out to create the platform she felt her community lacked. In only two years her little website has grown into a full-fledged movement, racking up over 3 million page views and counting!

Inspired by our writers’ vulnerability, we figured it was only fair we let you get to know a little more about the team behind KAAST. So we sat our very own founder and CEO down for a little chat!

 

Where are you from?

Eileen: I’m from Seattle, Washington.

 

And what influence did growing up there have on you today?

People in Seattle are a very unique breed… the outdoors are very important.  I would say everyone [in Seattle] is pretty down to earth, which was nice to grow up around and be surrounded by that energy. But at the same time I think it’s a much slower pace,  so I was always itching to get out of there.

 

How old were you when you moved to New York?

I moved to New York when I was 17.

 

What was that like?

Crazy! I moved right after I graduated high school. I lived alone, actually, and barely knew anyone. I think spending as much time as I did alone and in my head had a lot of influence on where [the idea for Killer And A Sweet Thang] stemmed from.

 

Can you talk a little bit about your family dynamic growing up?

I have three siblings, they’re all older—so I’m the baby of the family. My mom passed away when I was young, so I grew up with a single dad. [Since] my siblings were all out of the house by the time I entered high school, and my dad traveled a lot for work, so once again… a shit ton of alone time during [those] really young and formative years. At the time, maybe [that] bothered me a lot more and maybe I felt neglected in some ways, but as I’ve gotten older I really appreciate [growing up as I did], because I think it really shaped my personality and ability to start my own motor.

 

How do you think your experiences growing up have influenced your work today?

Oh, I mean I think it has everything to do with the work I do—especially the part of growing up without an adult female figure in my life. I really had no one close to me to talk about sexual things or puberty, so I felt extra alone in those topics. I think it just pushed me to be like, Okay, for other people who felt that immense kind of murkiness, why isn’t there a resource for them to figure out the answer to these questions that aren’t from a medical point of view? So [KAAST] is as if you’re talking to someone, like the older sister or mom you wished you had.

 

Dating apps or meeting people IRL?

Meeting people in real life.

 

Sub or dom?

I think it depends on the situation.

 

How do you sexually identify?

I guess I technically identify as bisexual. But I don’t really love the label. My sexuality is so firmly unique to me, as is everyone’s, that I feel like I’m succumbing to someone [else’s] view of it by having to label my own sexuality. For some people it can be incredibly empowering to label themselves, but personally, I don’t feel that way.

 

Sex on the first date—yes or no?

Personally, no.

 

What turns you on in a partner?

I like people who are outgoing, funny. I like people’s energy. I also like motivated people more than any physical quality.

 

What turns you off in a partner?

Not having confidence. I think it’s really sexy when someone’s confident in what they’re doing, and has the ability to ask you, “does this feel good?” But I also think that’s the Leo in me speaking! *laughs*

 

Have you ever ghosted someone? 

I think I’m too nice to fully ghost someone.

 

Have you ever been ghosted?

Yes, I have.

 

How did that make you feel?

Shitty. But also at the same time, I feel like at the end of the day I’m like, this is your issue and not mine. If you don’t have the emotional maturity to just tell me, “This isn’t working.” Then, that’s not really my problem.

 

That’s a very well adjusted viewpoint. Good for you!

I mean at the time it definitely hurt, and you’re like I want to smash a window! But I think afterwards you’re like why am I wasting my time? There’s so many people out there to experience that I don’t need to mope on one person. It’s part of being human, it’s okay for not everyone to be attracted to you and vice versa. And that’s just something we need to accept.

 

How do you show someone you like them?

I’m very straightforward. Even how I met my current boyfriend, I approached him at the bar. I thought he was attractive, and I walked right up to him.

 

What did you say? 

I think I waved at him? And kind of like waved [a] come-over-here-you-can-talk-to-me-I’m-down type of thing. And then we started making out.

 

Can you talk a little bit about some of the DMs you get?

I would say I get crazier DMs if I post a more sensual photograph. So, I feel like on some level I’m prepared for what I’m going to receive because I know what I just posted. The other day I got a dick pic… I hadn’t gotten one of those in a long time. That was a little startling. If I asked for it? Sure. But I didn’t.

 

Would you say men tend to DM you more than women?

Women probably DM me more. It’s going to be only men who DM me sexually—actually, that’s not true. Some girls have said they have girl crushes on me or they wanna hook up.

 

Who do the aggressive messages normally come from?

Men. Hands down. I would say [with the] women, they want advice on very specific situations—which is really awesome, but at the same time, it’s a lot of pressure. Because I don’t know you, and I don’t know the whole situation. Sometimes I just don’t really know how to answer [them]. I can’t tell you how to live your life.

 

Have you ever hooked up with someone who DMed you first?

I’ve DMed someone and hooked up with them, does that count? I said, “I heard you have a big dick, can I get a pic?”

 

And he was receptive?

He was receptive. We did end up hooking up. [But] I would say that was more of a situation where we had mutual friends. It wasn’t someone who was completely random. I was newly single and was playing around and sent it.

 

Do you send nudes?

Maybe in a long-term relationship? But not super explicit nudes. I’m kind of paranoid about my iCloud getting hacked one day.

 

That’s fair. Do you have phone sex ever?

I like sexting. Honestly I could go into a side career of writing literotica.

 

What’s the worst thing a former partner has ever said to you?

Oh my god, I probably blocked it out! [However] I found these old texts with an ex-boyfriend the other day, because I was cleaning out my computer. And he called me heartless bitch. But I guess that’s not even that bad.

I had one person, way after the fact, say that [he] never loved [me]. But I knew that wasn’t true.

 

What’s something really dope that a former partner said to you? 

I always find it nice when they compliment what I do. For someone who’s been so active on the internet, I feel jaded in some sense if they tell me I’m attractive or certain things. I’m like, I hear this from a lot of strangers on the internet… so it doesn’t feel as special.

 

Do you find it harder to connect to people in this digital age?
Yes, because I think it’s one thing to be intimate over the internet, and it’s an entirely different phenomenon to be intimate in person.

 

Text or call?

Call. I’m actually a caller.

 

Have you ever been with someone who wasn’t that great in bed—if so, how did you handle the situation?

I wouldn’t say someone who’s been bad in bed, necessarily, but more so inexperienced. Something that’s really great about my job is I have a lot of practice communicating and talking about sex. So that’s something I have no problem doing in the bedroom, as well. No matter how comfortable or not comfortable I am with someone. *winks*

 

Do you think social media makes it harder to be monogamous and focus on one person?
Yes. It’s this idea that there’s so many more options out there. I think [social media has made] monogamy a lot more muddled, like [when] they’re liking or DMing other people on the internet… is that emotional cheating? Like what is cheating anymore? I feel we don’t have these distinct lines of what cheating really means, so we can’t have them about monogamy.

 

Have you ever felt empty after having sex?

When I was younger I used to really heavily connect love and sex, and I think that was [from] waiting to only have sex with my first boyfriend. And from that point on, for multiple partners, I only had sex with people I seriously dated. And that’s something I’ve been trying to outgrow. That put me in the position to revisit and have sex with exes—because I felt like that was more comfortable or more safe than going out and finding a new partner.

Which now, looking back at it, I don’t know if it was the best thing for me emotionally.

I would say that sometimes revisiting ex-boyfriends and having sex with them made me feel kind of empty. We’re here because we’re comfortable, and we’re here because we’re having sex… but it’s not the same as it was, and I don’t know if I [was] ready for that.

 

Have you ever been heartbroken?

Yeah. I’ve never been broken up with, though, I’ve always broken up with people. I would say a few of my breakups felt very devastating at the time. It was the situation where it was like, I’m leaving but at the same time I’m breaking my own heart.

 

And how did you get over that?

I think time.

 

Can you name a sexual fantasy you have?

I would love to have a threesome with a long-term partner. I’ve only ever had them where I was the random—or not even random, but I was the one who wasn’t in the relationship.

 

I hope your boyfriend reads this.

We’ve talked about it…

 

Do you have any advice for dating?

Just remembering there’s a lot of people out there. I think as young people we tend to get hung up on one person if they’re not into us, and just remember it’s okay that you’re not into everyone—so why aren’t others allowed the same? And just being safe and confident in your needs.

 

Has it ever been difficult to date with your public persona?

I get asked this on panels, and I always say I wouldn’t be attracted to someone who isn’t into what I do. But it has been an issue when I was younger… It is so funny, because there’s a specific type of guy I know [who] would be the type of guy who likes all my photos, comments, DMs me a dick pic, and would maybe wanna sleep with me but would never want to date with. Ya know, it’s the mother [versus] the whore type vibe?

I would say it has brought out some of people that I’ve dated insecurities, from watching other guys be into me or just people online, and that [can] make them feel some type of way… but I just try to set this overview and a reminder of like, Listen, I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t want to be with you.