Author: / Claire GIlbert /

Whips:

Whips, or single tails, take a lot of practice to use as they are long and unwieldy, this makes them difficult to land correctly and more likely to wrap around the body and hit unintended body parts. In general toys with small surface areas inflict more pain. The combination of small surface area and speed of movement makes this toy high intensity.

Low Intensity Floggers:

Floggers come in a range of styles and intensities. What distinguishes them from whips is multiple and/or thicker tails. Mini or short floggers with thick tails made of a soft material like deerhide are great for beginners or low intensity play. There isn’t a large margin for error because the short length and the soft and thick tails allow for thuddy and precise hits.

High Intensity Floggers:

Floggers have the largest range of intensity depending on the length and material they are made of. High intensity floggers have longer tails and are made of stiffer material. Any long and bendy impact toy takes practice to land correctly as I mentioned before. Thinner tails sting more, braided even more so, rubber and metal the most. Stiffer materials like cowhide will also mean a higher intensity. Floggers with extremely thin tails are often called cat o’ nine tails. They look like a combination between a whip and a high intensity flogger and hurt as much as one would imagine that combination would.

Crops:

Crops sting, so definitely not for the faint of heart but their size and rigidity means that they’re pretty easy to use. A bit of warm up and knowledge of where not to hit and anyone can handle this right.

Paddles:

Paddles, like crops, are easy to handle but their larger surface area means they are a lower intensity toy. They tend to be really thuddy and can be a good toy for low intensity play or for beginners.

Canes:

Canes are easier to handle than whips or long floggers because of their size and rigidity but they are most definitely a high intensity toy. They come in a range of flexibility. The more flexible they are the harder they are to control and the more bite they have. They sting a lot. They can even break the skin.

When it comes to impact toys we tend to separate them into thuddy and stingy. Thuddy is lower intensity pain, feels more like a punch. Stingy is higher intensity pain, feels like a slap, bites into the skin. Like I touched on before, surface area has a lot to do with sting vs. thud but so does material. Leather and wood are thuddy when they’re thick like certain floggers and paddles but have the potential to be stingy when they’re thin like canes, whips and certain other floggers. Rubber on the other hand is always stingy. It grabs onto the skin when it comes in contact with it. Even rubber paddles will sting. Only experienced players should use metal impact toys.

Many people’s idea of bondage is metal police officer cuffs. In reality, police officer cuffs shouldn’t be used on anybody, ever. They can cut and bruise the skin and cause permanent nerve damage. They can also tighten really easily and uncontrollably and often get stuck. There are a lot of great materials that wrist restraints can be made out of. Neoprene and cloth are budget friendly. Leather ones will last years.

Rope sold for bondage comes in different materials. Some of the most common are nylon, cotton and hemp.

Hemp:

Hemp has a rough texture but doesn’t cause rope burn. It’s suspension grade because it’s strong and knots hold tight. And it doesn’t cause rope burn even if it’s pulled fast. It’s good for all levels of experience.

Nylon:

Nylon is a great starter rope because knots can’t pull very tight. It’s suitable for any non suspension bondage. It’s sleek and smooth but can burn if pulled too fast across the skin.

Cotton:

Cotton rope looks a lot like hemp but feels softer. It is cheap, easy to find and washable. Like nylon it is only suitable for non suspension bondage but isn’t great for beginners because knots can pull very tight and be very difficult to undo.

You’ll find other types of rope materials such as jute, silk, polyester, bamboo. Make sure to do your research on what kind of rope you want and what rope you have, before using it. As can be seen from the brief descriptions above, different ropes are suitable for certain things and need to be cared for in certain ways. Always have safety shears within easy reach when playing with any rope but cotton rope in particular. There should always be room for at least one if not two fingers between the rope and the body. Constantly check that the blood circulation of the person being tied up isn’t being affected by the rope. Always make sure the skin around the rope isn’t turning blue. Check in with the person tied up to make sure they aren’t feeling any pins and needles. Have the person tied up wiggle their fingers and toes. Never leave a tied up person alone.

 

 

Growing up in a sex negative culture, a lot of our sex education comes from whispered conversations at sleepovers and porn. Understandably, as a result of this, myths abound in the mainstream understanding of sex. This list, by no means exhaustive, is meant to deconstruct five commonly heard myths at sex toy stores.

1. Anal sex is supposed to be painful.

Nothing in sex is “supposed to be” painful unless you want it to be. Sadism and Masochism have so many amazing places to be exercised but the anus and rectum are not that place. Pain is an important way that your body talks to you. Pain could mean tearing, and tearing could lead to fecal matter getting in other parts of the body, or infections, and just in general, really not fun things. Numbing creams are problematic for this reason. Just as a general rule, if something is painful and/or you are not enjoying it, stop! As we say at work, the butt is an equal opportunity orifice. We all have tons of nerve endings in the anus and rectum. Whether or not you have a prostate, anal sex should be pleasurable for all involved. The G-Spot can even be stimulated through the butt. Enthusiasm from all players is key. It means relaxed muscles and awakened nerve endings. The other necessity is lube. Contrary to what porn may have taught you, saliva is never an adequate substitute for lube. Arguably all sex acts should involve lube (which I’ll discuss later) but since the butt is not a self lubricating part of the body, lube is not optional. Go out and grab some silicone lube if you’re using condoms or body parts, a thick water based one if you’re using silicone toys. Once you have enthusiasm from all players and a good lube, try fingers first, maybe a plug, or some other toy that is safe for anal use, take it slow, stop if you’re not enjoying it, come back to it later, or not.

2. Vibrators desensitize.

This comes up most often when people pick up the Magic Wand but I also hear it about vibrators in general. I find the easiest way to think about this myth is clapping. You know how when you clap for a long period of time your hands start to go numb but shortly after you get feeling back in them? That is the same of all of the nerves all over your body. Yes, they can get over stimulated but that doesn’t mean they’re getting blown out, just taking a nap. Sometimes though this myth is phrased a little differently. “Won’t vibrators ruin me for ‘real sex’,” “Won’t I become dependent on a vibrator to get off?” And an endless number of slightly differently phrased but essentially very similar questions. When you grow up being told that sex and sexuality are something to be ashamed of it’s no surprise that celebrating it with toys feels shameful to a lot of people. If you feel like you’re “getting dependent” on your vibrator to get off maybe analyze why that is. Is it because it’s playing a role in your sex life that you’re afraid or too uncomfortable to ask your partner(s) to play? Or, don’t analyze it and just enjoy using it. Talk it through with your partner(s) that you want to use a toy because it’s awesome and not to say anything about them or the sex you’re having. Vibrators and humans do very different things. Which leads us into our next myth.

3. Incorporating toys or lube into partnered sex means that someone is deficient in some way.

While all misconceptions about sex are unfortunate, this one in particular stands out as a prime example of our society’s issue with communication regarding sex and sexuality.

Due to  our miscommunication, we harbor insecure feelings and shame attached to our sex lives. Cock rings aren’t only used by people who are trying to delay ejaculation and there is nothing wrong with  wanting to delay ejaculation. Drawn out orgasms are awesome. Vibrating penises are awesome. Making your partner come, once or multiple times, is awesome. Vibrators aren’t only used by people that can’t get off with their partner(s) or can’t get their partner(s) off. Unless you have a human that can move so fast they vibrate or have inexhaustible strength vibrators are not competition. And even if you are fooling around with a superhero, vibrators are still amazing. They free up the hands, bodies, minds, to do other stuff. As for lube, no one is an unending geyser of lubrication but here we are specifically going to talk about people with vulvas. The amount of lubrication bodies make depends on many random factors such as: Where you’re at in your cycle, what you ate for lunch, how well you slept the night before, whether or not you paid your phone bill, the chances of your favorite contestant being voted off The Voice, etc, etc. Expecting your body to make the perfect amount of lubrication every time you ask it to is unrealistic.

4. The G-spot doesn’t exist.

 

In utero the cells that make up our genitals exist before they take on any configuration. This means that no matter what your genitals look like they have a lot in common with everyone else’s. The clitoris and the head of the penis come from the same tissue. The same goes for the outer labia and the scrotum, the clitoral hood and foreskin, the ovaries and testes and the list goes on. This also means that the cells that make up the spongy tissue that makes up the G-Spot exists in every single body. For people with penises those cells make up the prostate and for those with a vulva, the G-spot. So, yes, the G-Spot most definitely exists. However, this does not mean that everyone enjoys or can orgasm from having it stimulated.

Thinking about analogous anatomy isn’t just important for understanding that the G-Spot exists in all bodies. It’s also important in understanding the ways in which different bodies get off. Imagine we lived in a world where every person with a penis was expected to orgasm from having their prostate stimulated alone. I think we can all agree that’s a pretty ridiculous expectation to have. Yes, some people can orgasm that way, but not everyone, and it’s definitely not expected of them! And yet we expect this exact thing from people with vulvas! The G-Spot and Prostate get engorged when that person is aroused. This means that for most people clits and penises need to be stimulated before G-Spots and Prostates. This expectation that the G-Spot is always geared and ready to go has contributed a lot to the myth that G-Spots don’t exist at all (not to mention a lot of bad sex!) Doctors claims that the G-Spot doesn’t exist didn’t take into account the role of the clitoris or that most people aren’t turned on while at the obgyn! It’s real. We all have a G-Spot by one name or another. However, whether or not you enjoy it being stimulated or can orgasm from stimulating it is totally up to you, your body and your preferences.

5. If you enjoy prostate stimulation you’re gay.

Imagine if someone said that not liking having your elbow touched means you’re lactose intolerant. That’s a ridiculous remark. When you detangle this myth from all of it’s cloaked homophobia and misogyny, that’s what this myth is, ridiculous. The prostate gland, as we touched on in the last myth, is spongy tissue with an abundance of nerve endings. If you enjoy having your nerve endings stimulated then prostate stimulation might be for you! I know some of you are thinking that it’s more of an issue of putting something up your butt. To be clear no one is forcing you to put anything up your anus and never should but being interested in doing that is not some secret way your body is telling you that you’re gay. Your sexuality and what nerve endings you enjoy having stimulated are  unrelated. Now about that cloaked homophobia and misogyny. Inherent in this myth is that being gay is something to be ashamed of. People are worried that enjoying prostate stimulation translates to being gay.  If you dig a little deeper this myth is covered with misogyny. Those that are afraid to put things up their butt are reluctant because they don’t want to be penetrated. Not wanting to be penetrated is your choice but when it’s because being penetrated is seen as being “feminine” and by feminine you mean degrading, maybe it’s time to reconsider. I don’t want people to come away from this thinking that the only way to get rid of their internalized homophobia and misogyny and/or be a true ally is to put things up their butt. That’s not what this is about. Just maybe try to distance butt feelings from preconceived notions of masculinity and sexuality.