Blowjobs: A Guide To Sucking Less

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Ah, blowjobs… we have had some crazy times together.

You’ve resulted in me spitting, swallowing, puking, getting a ‘facial,’ getting cum in my eye, and getting my hair put up into truly horrible ponytails. Honestly fellas… please practice putting hair into a ponytail for such dick-sucking occasions, because I’ve gotten some knots which have required scissors to untangle. Yet despite all the painfully embarrassing moments and ups and downs of our journey together, I can’t deny that I love you. I love blowjobbing and I always will. But sadly, my affection for performing oral sex on people with penises is not shared by a majority of other women. Countless surveys and polls have found that women do not like performing oral sex on their male partners, with one study finding that number to be as high as 17.8% of women. So I wanted to write this article with the hopes of swaying some minds in favor of sucking some dicks.

The first thing you need to know about blowjobs — or about oral sex in general — is that you don’t owe it to any partner. Whether they are a man, a woman, or any other gender identity, if performing oral sex makes you uncomfortable, it’s your right to decline and there’s nothing wrong with that.

At one point or another, most of us have felt uncomfortable with performing some sexual act. For me, it was undoubtedly oral sex. The first time my mom explained what it was, little 12-year-old me was horrified at the thought of people putting their mouths where another person peed from. I could not fathom how someone would want to be on either end of that situation. And I definitely couldn’t fathom myself being in that situation one day. Yet here I am, ten years later writing an article about my love of blowjobs. So the takeaway is to not get discouraged if a sexual act makes you uncomfortable, because odds are your stance/feelings will change over time.

My horror regarding blowjobs lasted through high school, but then in college, when sexual activity became apart of my reality, that horror revealed itself to be fear. I was terrified because I had no idea what to do. I knew oral sex involved mouths and genitals, but that was pretty much where my knowledge ended. I never asked details about the act itself, because I never wanted to; a whole lot of good that did me.

I remember actually Googling if a blowjob required blowing air onto a dude’s penis. (FYI, it doesn’t.) Speaking of blowing into genitals, for those of you who perform oral sex on people who have vaginas, please don’t blow into them. It can cause an air embolism, which can be fatal. As appealing as it sounds to die by way of oral sex, the reality is not something you want, so just say no to blow–ing air into vaginas.

The first time a penis was within proximity of my mouth, not long after the Googling incident, I tried a little cat lick: light and timid. That was all I could muster before making up an excuse and leaving to go back to my dorm to cry in the shower. I wasn’t crying because I was forced into doing it, but performing sexual acts for the first time can be scary and serve as a harsh reminder that you are no longer a kid. It’s a transitional moment — which can be difficult. Change is always hard at first, but remember, it’s transitional, not transactional. You don’t lose anything when you have sex or perform a sexual act for the first time. And the person you did those acts with didn’t take anything from you. They are a part of your journey to becoming a sexual being — but that’s it. They don’t own some part of you that you can never get back. You didn’t lose anything in the first place. OK, I just like to throw in a little reminder here and there that ‘losing your virginity’ isn’t a thing.

Now fast forward to today and I love giving blow jobs. It took me a while to get to this point, and like I mentioned earlier, that’s OK. Your own comfort level with sex and with various sexual acts will evolve with time and experience. If you loved munching cock from the very beginning, that’s OK. If you never get comfortable with performing or receiving oral sex, that’s OK, too. Sex is supposed to bring you joy and pleasure, and if it doesn’t, then don’t do it! It’s as simple as that. If any partners make you feel bad for wanting or not wanting to do something, they are not someone you want to be engaging in sexual acts with anyway!

OK, back to blowjobs. I love giving blowjobs for a variety of reasons. Partially because I enjoy giving people pleasure; it’s a turn on for me, and I’m certainly not alone in that. Many people find the most pleasurable aspect of sex to be the pleasure they give to their partner(s). I wouldn’t consider it to be the most pleasurable thing for me (my own pleasure takes rank, sorry not sorry), but I certainly like to hear them saying ‘fuck’ under their breath because I’m so good at sucking dick. Music to my ears.

And the other reason I love giving blowjobs is because I know I’m good at it. How do I know? Besides the under-the-breath ‘fucks,’ almost every dude I’ve given a blowjob to has told me that my job was either the best or one of the best he’s ever had. Now as much of a confidence booster as that is, it also leads me to believe that other blowjob-givers in the world either don’t know the best methods for optimizing their partner’s pleasure, or they are simply as afraid as I once was. So I figured I’d share what I know because I want people to feel confident in performing oral sex on people with penises, and more importantly I want them to enjoy it themselves. So here goes…

I typically start by giving light little licks down their chest to just above where their pelvic region begins. I then spend some time just licking and kissing and sucking the area surrounding their dick and balls, but careful to not actually touch either. It heightens their anticipation, excites their senses, and in all honesty, it’s fun to tease.*

*Of course, I don’t do this every time, there are occasions when it’s more fun to just push them onto the bed, take off their pants, and go to town. That can be super hot, too. It all depends on what you are most comfortable with, what your partner is most comfortable with, and what feels right in the moment.

Once I start on the actual dick sucking, I like to rotate between several different techniques. I have found — in my considerable experience as a self-described hoe — that the more variety the better. Below are some of my go-to techniques:

 

Sir Licks-A-Lot

Just pretend that shlong is a ice cream cone and lick it all the way up. Long, slow licks. Short, fast ones. Focus only on the tip. Focus only on the balls. Make designs on their shaft with your tongue. Use a lot of spit and get creative with it.

 

Make it a combo meal

Combine your hands with your mouth/tongue to cover more ground. Cup their balls while you’re licking and sucking. Use your hand to swirl their cock around in your mouth like a DQ Blizzard. Once their shaft is all lubed up via your spit, grab it with both hands and then alternate which direction your hands are moving for a whirlwind of sensations.

 

Bobbing for balls

For the classic BJ-bobblehead motion I find it easiest to have my partner lie down so I can control how deep and fast I’m bobbing. I would recommend this for beginners because other positions allow for your partner to control how deep and fast they’re smashing their dick down your throat and it can lead to involuntary chomping or puking. The aftermath of which is not pleasant to say the least. Or you can use one hand to swirl the base of their shaft while your mouth is bobbing on the remainder (this is good for partners with large penises because you don’t have to bob as far down every single time).

 

Lock it and pop it

Firmly grasp it (if you get this reference, I love you) in your hand. While you’re still holding their dick in your hand, put it in your mouth and use your hand to pop it back out again. I have found in my cock-munching travels that some partners really like the sensation from this technique, while others don’t experience a huge difference in sensation. But most partners like to watch this in action, so test the waters and see what works/doesn’t work for you and your partner(s).

 

Slap the base? Nah, try slap the face (with the dick)

Obviously don’t go nuts (lol) but try a few light salami slaps on the side of your cheek. I like to lock it and pop it (see above) and then follow that with a few slaps. Men usually like to do this, but I find it way more fun to do it myself… independent ass woman and all that.

 

Swallow it whole

When you feel they deserve an extra special treat, you can also try deep-throating. I wouldn’t recommend this for dick sucking beginners as it requires practice, the lack-of which can result in up-chucking. Not so much fun to clean up. However, to get to the point of being able to deep throat, test your limits. See how far you can go before you start gagging. Once you know where that point is, slowly push that boundary by keeping his dick in to that extent and just get your throat/gag reflex used to the presence of it being there. You can desensitize and even control your gag reflex over time so you can eventually deep throat a dick all the way down without any unfortunate results. Note: be prepared to either spit or swallow. And no, your status as a dick-sucking queen/king is not lessened if you spit.

 

Above all, have fun with it! There are no rules or regulations on how to give a stellar blowjob because all people, partners, and preferences are different. Just be sure to practice open communication, safe sex, and get freaky!

Happy sucking.

 

Photos by Lucy Welsh.Â