You Can Look, But Not Touch

Everyone has a phone. Everyone takes selfies.

A study conducted by software firm McAfee found that 49 percent of people send/receive sexual content via video, photo, e-mail, or messaging — 16 percent of whom share it with total strangers.

As our society begins to come to terms with the inevitability that explicit photos and videos will be recorded and make their way across the internet, a group of millennials have begun to capitalize on our fixation with the naughty.

You can find Mistress Milan on a screen of your choosing, where the 22-year-old will perform a variety of acts in front of a camera — but only for the right price. However, Milan is not a porn star, at least not in the traditional sense. She is featured in videos (titles range from “Tempted By My Tits” to “Some Words To My Foot Bitch!”), but she ultimately controls how, when, and what exactly she is doing in them.

Operating primarily via Twitter, she posts sexy snippets of herself online to lure potential clients into booking Skype sessions wherein she will verbally degrade and humiliate them from afar. As it turns out, this consensual, sexual cyber-bullying is quite lucrative.

I got the opportunity to interview Milan about her work as a financial dominatrix/humilantrix. The following is an edited transcript of our conversation.

 

How did you first get in to being a dominatrix?

Mistress Milan: I actually started sex work as a cam-girl when I turned 18, but I didn’t really like it because, to make money, you have to cater more to what the guys want and it’s not my style. I just wasn’t making that much money.

I’m not even sure how I found out about dominating, I think I saw it on social media? Somehow I came across somebody’s page and was like, I could be good at this. 

 

Did you do any type of sex work before the camming?

No, I just did camming. I wasn’t really into the whole sex acts, more just online stuff. I still have yet to do in-person meets, but I’m looking to do that in the future, I just haven’t gotten there quite yet because I haven’t met the right person.

 

Can you walk us through what a normal online dominatrix session looks like for you?

I mainly get most of my clients from Twitter. My Twitter is my biggest following.

 

That’s awesome, what’s your Twitter if you don’t mind me asking?

It’s @Mistress_Milan. I just reach the 1K mark. Once you get there you get more credibility because right now [there are a lot of users] called insta-Doms because True Life did an episode on Financial Doms so there’s a bunch of people who have a Twitter [for this kind of work] but they’re not legit.

So once you reach the one “K” mark people are like, Oh, this person… they have a following. I can believe them, they’re real, not just a fake. 

I post pictures, I send tweets out, and then people send me a DM asking, “Hey, how are you?” Then they’ll tell you, “I’m interested in this kind of fetish and I want to do a session like this,” and then I ask for payment and I do the payments depending on the times and how long the session is. I have people who come back and continue to have sessions with me. It’s pretty straightforward. People come to me.

 

Were there any challenges you had when you first began doing this?

It took me probably almost a year just to get to this point, because there’s a lot of girls who do it. There’s a lot of insta-Doms, so it was pretty hard to get my credibility up there — pretty tedious. You really have to commit your time, you have to be active on social media everyday otherwise [potential clients are] just gonna get forgot about [you].

 

Are you usually the one with your camera on or do [clients] also turn on their cameras for your sessions?

It depends. I charge more if I put my camera on. Sometimes they just want to be watched, sometimes they want to actually see me. It’s pretty 50/50. 

 

Are there any boundaries that you set for yourself while you do this?

I don’t have any actual sex with any of my people. Like I haven’t met people yet. I try to stay away from the really outrageous fetishes… I’ve gotten really extreme [stuff] like scatting. Sometimes I’m like, “That’s probably not legal.” *laughs* 

 

Are you — is the correct phrase”out” — to your friends and family?

Pretty much all my close friends know. My family doesn’t know, my parents are actually Republican and Catholic so I don’t plan on them anytime soon. It’s actually funny; I met with my friend earlier and he told me, “Your old coworker just showed your Twitter to everybody at work,” and I’m like, what?!

If you’re in this line of work you have the risk of always being exposed — but I’m fine with it. I make money, I’m happy, so that’s all that matters really.

 

How much do you often charge for a session?

Let’s say they want to do a twenty-five minute SPH [small penis humiliation] session, I’ll charge about 50 to 80 bucks. It depends, my rates are not set yet so I kind of do whatever I feel like.

 

That’s decent money!

I don’t like to do Skype [sessions] for anything below 35 bucks. Even if it’s like five minutes, I’ll still charge 35 because I still have to get on camera.

 

Are most of your clients men or women?

Men. I really don’t have any women contact me.

 

Have you ever experienced any animosity [from a client] when they’re time is up or they want you to do something you’re not comfortable with?

You get a lot of angry people. Let’s say a guy’s message is, “I want you to do this, this, and that.” And I’m like “No.” He’ll be like, “You’re a fake Dom.” He’ll just talk crap to you. You know how guys get when you reject them… happens all the time.

 

How many calls do you [take] a day on average? What’s a busy day?

Maybe like seven a day? But that’s only on weekends, because I still have two jobs  — like vanilla jobs in my real life. So I only can do sessions certain times of the day.

 

What are your outside jobs?

I just work in hospitality.

 

You used to be a cam girl and you’ve mentioned before how you got into being a dominatrix because you got more autonomy in what you wanted to do on camera, right?

I like to hold control. I decide what I do, it’s all my decision. 

 

What are some services you offer as a dominatrix?

I deal with a lot of humiliation sessions. Guys really like it when I’m mean and humiliate them. My whole brand is a young, bratty, Brazilian Dom. I humiliate men in different ways and then there’s ones [whose] whole fetish is sending money — that’s my favorite, obviously.

 

What are some of the things you would say to humiliate a guy? 

A lot of times they want small penis humiliation. I don’t like doing race humiliation. I stay away from that because it’s not really my cup of tea.

 

Is that a market? Do men ask you to do that?

Oh, yeah. There’s like snow bunny — which is a white girl who’s into black men. Then there’s racial play… there’s definitely a huge market for it. But I don’t like to do it. There’s also religious humiliation, too. 

 

Have you ever taken it too far on the humiliation scale and guys get upset? Have they ever been like, “That was a low blow!”

Sometimes, but then they’ll get over it. They’ll realize they actually enjoyed it.

 

Have guys ever tried to coerce you into meeting face-to-face?

Oh yeah, all the time. They’ll tell you they’ll pay more, but I just haven’t found the right person because I’m not just gonna meet somebody that I don’t know. 

 

What do you think is the biggest misconception people have about being a dominatrix or humiliatrix?

That it’s easy. People think that you can just start doing it and you’ll make a lot of money —  that’s not true. It took me, at least, a good six months to start bringing money in. It’s not easy, it takes time. It’s just like a job, you need to put hours in.

 

What’s something you really enjoy about this kind of work?

I like sex work because I think it’s really empowering. It’s not a regular 9-to-5. I choose how much I can make and the freedom… it’s unique. I’m really into kinks and fetishes and sex, so I get the best of both worlds.

 

Has your work ever affected any personal relationships in your life?

My boyfriend knows about it. He’s cool with it, obviously, because I bring in money. But sometimes he’ll get touchy, but right now it’s not affecting anything.

 

Have there ever been times where you’ve been made to feel uncomfortable or afraid while you were camming?

Sometimes I still get nervous right before I get on Skype. But, I get over the fear pretty easily because it’s just another session in the end. I’m still gonna make money and I’m gonna humiliate someone, so who’s really the winner? *laughs*

 

So “Mistress Milan”, is that a character you created?

Yeah, just a name [I came] up with. 

 

Your camming and dominatrix persona, how is it alike and how does it differentiate from Milan IRL?

In real life, I’m actually a very sweet girl. I’m a total sub in real life, pretty much. I’m a Dom for work — that’s my persona.

 

What do you wear on your cams? Do people request you wear certain things? 

Yeah, I have leather. I get requests for thigh-high black boots. Some guys request you wear leggings, some want you to wear jeans. It really just depends.

 

Have you heard about the current legislation FOSTA-SESTA?

Yeah.

 

Has that affected your work at all?

I feel, at first, traffic started to slow down. It’s a little bit better now, but I feel like [FOSTA-SESTA, anti-sex work legislation] has affected it, unfortunately.

 

Are you more nervous that you could be exposed or doxxed?

Not really, because I’m not doing anything that’s fully illegal.

I feel like you will only get in trouble if you’re actually having sex with clients, and I don’t. Cam sites are still provided, in the United States —  it’s not illegal. So I’m not too worried about it.

 

Do you have any professional goal within your work? Is there a sort of state you wanna reach? You said you just hit a thousand, what’s the dream for Mistress Milan?

I want to be recognized in the industry — I think that’s awesome. Definitely my goal is to become a known Dom. I’m not gonna stop anytime soon.

 

 

You can follow Mistress Milan and her work on Twitter here.