Summer Love

Save an Uber, Ride a Cowboy is a column exploring queer millennial sex culture. The stories presented here are based on true events. Identities have been changed to protect the privacy and reputation of those involved. 

 

“How old are you?”

“I’ll be 21 by the end of the summer,” admitted Lucas.

After chatting on Grindr and a few subsequent blow-and-go hookups, Scott and Lucas exchanged their real names. Both were careful to share safe details of their personal lives in between discussing wall art or sports memorabilia. Scott was 54 and lived by himself in the neighborhood Lucas grew up in; he never married but was once engaged to a woman.

Lucas was always attracted to the thought of being with an older man, even when first exploring his sexuality. He fantasized about freely walking through a house, perhaps with a joint perched in his hand, flaunting his youthful body under the gaze of an older admirer. With the warm summer air, Scott’s house afforded him space to indulge in these fantasies by drinking beer and chatting or getting down on all fours — in the bedroom, the living room, the shower, or the back porch.

For much of their time together, Lucas refused to let his guard down. This was the consequence of the age discrepancy — he didn’t want to be taken advantage of or feel out of control. Scott was very sensitive to this and made extra efforts to make Lucas feel comfortable and build trust.

“Do you mind if I move here…?”

“Can I touch/lick there…?”

“Would you want to experiment with…?”

“Hey, whatever you’re comfortable with. Remember, I am no drama.”

Never overly pushy, Scott was always respectful, letting Lucas set the pace. For them, consent was not choppy; Scott modeled organic, honest, and sexy—albeit sometimes awkward — negotiation. It was refreshing, nothing was left to a tacit understanding, opening the door to an enriched and comfortable playtime. “No, I’m not ready to be tied up… but you mentioned a blindfold?”

Lucas was grappling with a hypersexual stage in his life. He was knowingly out of his depth; what was he doing and why did he keep going back? The weight of the secret bolstered his self-image, and of course, the orgasms brought him back. Not only was it sexually gratifying, but it was satisfying to put himself in a strange and uncomfortable situation and come out the other side unscathed. It was transgressive — a total fucking turn on.

Quickly, Lucas was arriving and getting naked almost immediately, an assertiveness and comfort that made Scott awkward in his own home. 

Conversations became more natural as they established more of a routine. Lucas began to share more about his day-to-day life: academic interests, summer travels, and weekend plans, but he also told Scott some of his more personal stories, such as his experience coming out in high school. Scott was attentive and supportive.

“You’re easy to talk and listen to. I just think you are a cool guy,” the elder would tell his younger lover.

It wasn’t much, Lucas’ desire for admiration and attention was easily placated. Being admired for his body and youth as much as his personality and passions encouraged Lucas’ ego. During their time together, Lucas perpetually performed that image: sultry and educated, youthful yet mature and sophisticated. It was a subtle power trip, a mediocre measure of Lucas’ sexual prowess and his audacity.

Eventually, Scott showed Lucas old photos of himself, first as a goofy college boy with a good smile, then a handsome man in the 1980s with pomp hair. He shared stories of his first sexual experiences with both girls and boys, his “coke days,” and his mid-life exploration of his sexuality. He grew up in a household that didn’t discuss or acknowledge things such as sexual fluidity or even bisexuality. He admitted that he had never dreamed of kissing a man until he was 40. Of course, now he was on Grindr and that brought new issues for him, too.

“Why would you ‘ghost’ anyone? It’s just rude, I think it’s really strange. People will stop responding as soon as I send a picture. I would never do that,” he’d confess. 

“Oh, it sucks but it happens all the time. It’s just the way it works. Grindr is so game-like and digital, don’t take it personally. I do that, sometimes often, it’s easy,” Lucas would assure him. 

Scott possessed so much more life experience than Lucas did and yet Lucas was light years ahead of him. Lucas would never be able to understand the stifling pressure of being in the closet into one’s 40s because he had proudly preferred dick since he was 15-years-old. Scott’s experience made him something of a mentor to Lucas, a reminder of his privilege to come of age in the Obama years and have his whole life ahead of him as an openly gay man.

Lucas was a selfish lover, while Scott was always very self-less. He loved to give pleasure orally while Lucas loved to receive it. Lucas came dozens of times, but Scott never did, not even once. He was adept with his hands and used lots of lube.

“Isn’t that angle just pure pleasure?” The alliteration “pure pleasure” becoming a sort of hedonistic mantra that echoed through their encounters.

Scott was more generous and patient as a lover than Lucas had ever been; his experience made Lucas feel green and regretful of his self-centered-ness in other sexual relationships. What role did he play in the demise of any number of past romances by selfishly terminating sex immediately after he came? In one instance, Lucas turned to Scott and said, “You’ve been patient with me,” but Scott shook his head, insisting that Lucas was the patient one. The conversation, the sex, the communication, and the relationship all bloomed in tandem.

By this point, Lucas would message Scott: “is your door open?” and simply walk in minutes later. But still, they never made the move towards anal sex, never seriously considered it. This was surprising, by comparison Lucas’ previous romantic relationships seemed stuck in a rut of impatient fucking — where was the intimate massage or creative outer-course? Why had he spent so much time racing to orgasm when the pleasure and tension of getting there were tenfold?

Scott was never his sugar daddy, but Lucas did mention the idea of a gift to him. Scott gave him his present a week before the end of the summer: a vintage leather Coach bag which contained two thongs, oil and water based lubes, two vibrators, a bottle of poppers, and a cock ring. He was literally giving Lucas the tools to explore and develop his sexuality.

Now, Lucas was prepared to be the generous partner, he could give a generous erotic massage while channeling the patience and playfulness that Scott had shown him. With a starter pack of sex toys, Lucas was overcome with unbridled excitement. Scott was proud, he knew he had done well.

Scott was an ideal summer lust. He was passionate, kind, and understanding. He showed Lucas new positions and perspectives surrounding sex. He demonstrated being a sensitive and non-judgmental partner beyond any of Lucas’ past experiences. Lucas’ time with Scott allowed him to bask in his youth, his libido, and his own kinkiness, but summer was ending and soon he would leave for school.

It wasn’t just one hook up, they were friends and both would come to miss the other. There were no strings attached; they would find new partners and go on with their separate lives. It was a clean break, an enlightening contrast to Lucas’ emotionally messy relationships, but still no less valuable or enduring.

Short-lived and real, they enjoyed their summer together.

 

Photos by Mikael Chukwuma Owunna and Nan Goldin.