If you’re like me, endlessly looking to make day-to-day tasks and chores more exciting and full of spice, say no more! I’m here to provide you with an incredibly interesting opportunity to find the silver lining in an otherwise frightening situation: getting cat-called.
The best part of it all? This sort of entertainment is free. All you have to do is rely on the filthy nature of street harassers, and if you elect to do so, choose your means of retaliation.
I’ve tried several different responses to street harassment, treating these men like social experiments and observing their reactions. It’s almost like being a wildlife photographer on Animal Planet, and like animals cat-callers respond to stimulation (e.g. making a sudden movement or noise). It’s mind-blowing, really, that such beasts are still able to function in society even though they lack a basic social understanding of mutual respect and boundaries! The not-so-many options are compiled below:
1. The Scream
Scream. Just scream. Preferably in a high-pitched manner to really intensify the male-female dynamic and amplify the shock factor. I have done this on the street and in clubs, too — works like a charm.
The concerned looks of passersby/party-goers act as an appetite suppressant and will most likely put the animal off from pursuing the unwilling subject (i.e. you), so they’ll retreat. However, as the amount of evidently limited neurons differ from brute to brute, your defense scream may elicit different reactions. It is possible that they may start laughing. This is my personal favorite, not only do you get to laugh with them, but you also get to laugh at them. The best part is they’ll never know the difference!
It usually takes a few seconds for it to hit them, the whole “receiving female attention for once in my pitiful life” thing. So while the effect of your scream will most likely be delayed, trust it’ll work.
2. Block them!
There is no greater joy in the world than ignoring men who don’t know how to act in public. A refreshing sense of power overwhelms you once you refuse to give these troglodytes the time of day. No eye contact, no acknowledgement they’ve said/done something, no exchange of words. Nothing. Nada. Walk past them like they don’t exist; like they never have and never will mean anything to a woman for as long as they live and breathe on this planet. Reject them in every sense of the word — ignore, block, unfollow, delete, unfriend, unsubscribe. Eject them from your stream of consciousness. When this response is used, 90 percent of the time the cat-caller will realize their attempts are futile and will return back to whichever cave they found their way out of.
While this is usually the safest reaction of them all, the now-rejected primitive may feel the need to attack. On a rare occasion, the lack of response may ignite some repressed anger within them, causing them to last out and repeatedly call you a whore for everyone to hear. Be careful around these animals, ladies — they may attack even if you don’t rattle their cages or tap on the glass!
3. The Face
Pull a face. Make it as wrinkly and layered as possible; allow your facial folds to stack on top of one another. I urge you to be the ugliest version of yourself. Contort your face into something you never deemed human. Become the creature of your wildest nightmares. Pro tip: if you can’t visualize a creature to embody, use your harasser as inspiration! I mean… they’re there for a reason, no? Besides, they’re usually distorted and off-looking anyway, so you might as well use that to your advantage!
This reaction is employed when you only have a limited time available to engage with said animal, like if they’re in a vehicle. If you really want to react, this should be your go-to method: it’s quick, simple, and thought-provoking.
I’d love to say this option is also 100 percent harmless, but you never really know what to expect when it comes to ogre-resembling sociopaths!
4. Cuss them out!
To be honest, this is something I haven’t done. Untamed animals outside of their cages are a force to be reckoned with, and as much as I’d be thrilled to cuss them out, I physically cannot bring myself to do so. I am petrified of provoking the savages — and for good reasons, too. While I myself lack the balls and the self-defense skills to give them what they deserve, one of my daredevil friends doesn’t. Big up to Yasmin.
What ensued after telling a Jabba the Hutt on a bike to fuck off was, (un)naturally, Jabba himself started following us around! This is one of the many examples that proves that while humans can interact with animals, inter-species communication is still largely limited.
5. Cat call them back (rawr)!
If you’re feeling rather feisty and in the mood for an adventurous and comical exchange with the streets’ anti-Christs, give them a little taste of their own medicine.
Of course, they will not feel the fear and discomfort that you do, but it will take them by surprise and hopefully leave them dumbstruck. Just reciprocate the so-called compliment and add a rather demeaning term at the end to seal the deal (e.g.”You too, baby!”). Personally, I suggest playing around with terms like “butternuts” and “sweet tits.”
This is all I have to offer for now, but do not fear… the never-ending influx of street harassers will continue to compel my quest for the perfect animal-repelling response. Freedom of speech laws are largely impeding my dream of making cat-calling illegal — but one can only hope, right?