Anal 101

It’s 2018 and if anal isn’t on the menu yet — it definitely should be.

There are a lot of archaic stigmas and misinformed concerns surrounding ass play. While it’s true that anal takes a bit more preparation than other forms of sex, the results are well worth the work: intensified orgasms, unexplored nerve endings, etc. The butt is not just the pounding-ground of gay cisgender men, it’s an erogenous zone that contains pleasures for all individuals, regardless of identity (read: pegging). And if social stigma is leading you to deprive yourself of potential sexual satisfaction? Well, you have a lot re-evaluating to do.

Below are some tips for anal virgins; take a deep breath, this will be fun!

 

Voice your curiosity.

If you’ve never tried anal with your partner talk about it beforehand. Asking for some back action in the moment can overwhelm an unsuspecting bedmate and will likely result in your request being denied. Physical hints (the classic butt-wiggle, guide to the taint, etc.) may intimidate or downright confuse a less experienced partner.

Discussing the idea prior to the deed also gives you both space to voice concerns about cleanliness, comfort level, etc.

 

Prep.

The ass is multi-purpose and while not all of its responsibilities are sexy, they are all natural. Ensuring you and/or your partner’s anal passage is up to code is crucial for both of your comfort. A quick rinse of your hole with soapy water should do the trick, but if you’re not sufficiently convinced, rectal douches are very popular (and available at your local pharmacies) and easy to use. However, be sure not to douche repeatedly, as that will upset your intestines and cause the opposite of the desired effect. 

 

Research.

It doesn’t sound sexy but doing your homework is super important for anal virgins. For example, the default for heterosexual couples is that the man assumes the penetrate role, however, ass play can be equally as pleasurable for men. The prostate is known as the male “G” spot and, if stimulated properly, can intensify their orgasm.

Researching how to responsibly and effectively engage in anal sex with your partner can be fun and quickly turn into foreplay, after all, the internet is full of titillating diagrams and videos…

 

Foreplay is key.

Like other forms of sex, foreplay before anal is vital. The asshole is especially sensitive and is often very tight. The more turned on your partner is the easier entry will be, so take extra care to ensure they’re as primed as possible before and during the act. Kissing, licking, and teasing the taint are great ways to begin knocking at your partner’s door.

 

Penetration. 

Unless you have a magic sphincter, losing your anal virginity will hurt a little at first. But don’t let this deter you! Once you get past the initial discomfort, a whole new set of sensations await. Excessive pain throughout is a sign you’re doing it wrong. 

 

Take your time and breathe.

Anal penetration can be very intense the first time. Ease and expand your partner’s anal capacity by using your fingers (start with one then count up) or toys (note: silicone-based lube can damage certain sex accessories). Take it slow, maintain eye contact, and take deep breaths with your partner. Give their body time to catch up before you pound away.

Use lube and then when you think you’ve used enough — use more.

The ass, unlike some other holes, doesn’t self-lubricate. Which is why you need some (a lot) of backup. Silicone-based lubes are best for anal sex as they take longer to dry out and are less sticky. KAAST suggests Pjur’s Backdoor anal lubricant for more aggressive anal play and for a softer experience try Analyze Me.

 

If you’re still uncomfortable, try different positions. 

Everyone’s body is different and if you’re struggling to relax in a certain position try switching it up! Doggy-style is a go-to anal position, and adding a pillow underneath your body to elevate your ass may help, too. Anal is all about finding that sweet spot so don’t hesitate to speak up if you’re not feeling it.

 

Use a condom.

Beyond STI protection, we suggest condom use for anal first-timers for two reasons. First, there’s bacteria in the rectum so it’s important one doesn’t switch between anal and vaginal sex without a new condom or washing the penetrative member. Secondly, on the off-chance things do get a little messy, a condom provides a thin layer of protection and peace of mind.

Be open-minded.

Judgments have no place in the bedroom. Do not shame your partner for their bodily functions, and if you’re not willing to take things at your partner’s pace — you probably shouldn’t be having sex at all.

 

Post-play.

Soreness and a little bleeding after the first time you’ve tried anal is not unusual. If you continue to bleed for more than an hour (or it’s excessive), call a doctor. Don’t let this scare you: many people bleed during their first time having vaginal sex, as well. It’s natural.

 

It’s OK to not like anal. 

The reality is anal sex isn’t for everyone. If you’ve tried it several times with someone you trust and you still aren’t enjoying yourself — that’s valid. Sex comes in many different forms and cannot be narrowly defined. The golden rule in the bedroom is do what makes you feel good and comfortable.

 

Have fun and play safe!

 

*Cover photo by Van De Aarde.