Meet The Team: Jacob Seferian

Every week our writers share a bit of themselves with you. Inspired by their vulnerability, we sat some of our core team members down for an intimate interview.

We talked to our head of editorial, who, with a small army of seven copy editors, curates and oversees all of Killer And A Sweet Thang’s written content. Jacob Seferian is a 22 year-old journalist, whose work has appeared in over ten publications, including V Magazine, Polyester Zine, and Alt Citizen. He’s been working with KAAST since 2016.

 

Where are you from?

Jacob: I’m originally from Houston, Texas.

 

What kind of influence would you say that’s had on you, especially with the work you do?

I grew up in a more conservative state, and a big reason I got involved with KAAST was [because] growing up I had no access to any sort of queer sexual Ed. There were questions about assplay that weren’t answered for me, so I chose to go to Yahoo Answers and porn. When I lost my virginity, I got a hemorrhoid. I saw this bump on the outside of my asshole and I was like, I have anal herpes. But it turns out, I didn’t. That was a big turning point for me because I [realized] I don’t know anything, and if I don’t know anything, I’m sure there’s other little queer babies out there who don’t know anything either.

 

How did you get involved in KAAST?

About two years ago, my friend tagged me in a post that said Killer And A Sweet Thang is looking for writers. I wrote, still to date, one of the most personal pieces I’ve ever written about my body image in relation to having sex and sent it over. Eileen and her team really liked it and contacted me. From there, I started working with you guys on a submission basis, and then moved up to editor, and now we’re at the configuring we’re at now.

 

You were recently in school. What advice would you give for people trying to get to a similar place in their career?  

Work hard! Cultivate a talent and a skill and become really good at it. I feel I did the opposite of what my university told me to do. They said you have to become really good at all these different moving parts of the digital age: you have to be a designer, a graphics person, you have to code… you won’t ever get work as just a writer. And I said, “That’s cute. I’m gonna try.” Throughout school I was working constantly and I’d just send things out. More important than getting published, it gave me the chance to practice. So I guess my advice to anyone is hone a skill, find what you love and work really hard at it.

 

Do you have any big inspirations?

Grace Jones. I think she’s just absolutely incredible, and I think the progressiveness she brought to the dialogue surrounding sexual identity was so before its time. Even cooler than the fact that it was so before it’s time is [that] when you watch interviews with her, she has no idea she’s being radical! And my friends. Is that corny? I’m inspired by the people around me, constantly.

 

Let’s go to some rapid fire questions. Dating apps or IRL?

In real life, but I think, unfortunately, a lot of the men I meet are via dating apps.

 

Handjob or oral?

Oral.

 

Sub or dom?

Sub.

 

Do you have a favorite position?

I like missionary. I like to look at people’s faces, that way you know they’re not thinking about anyone else.

 

Do you have a least favorite position?

Any position I’m uncomfortable in.

 

Sex on the first date?

Absolutely.

 

What turns you on?

Kindness, sense of humor… oh, I want to scratch those! Those are important but the biggest turn on to me, hands down, is when you’re talking to somebody and they’re really listening to you, and it doesn’t seem like they’re thinking about what they’re going to say next, they’re just fully in the moment. That makes me so wet.

 

What turns you off? 

Not being able to admit that you’re wrong, stubbornness. Refusing to apologize really bugs me, and taking yourself too seriously. *groans*

 

Have you ever been ghosted or ghosted someone?

Yes and yes.

 

How do you let someone know that you’re into them?

I usually tell them. I have Scorpio sex eyes, so you kind of know when I’m into you.

 

How do you practice safer sex in your more casual hook-ups, do you have a way of bringing up you want to use protection?

There have been times where I haven’t used condoms, and I’m not proud of it, but those moments are rare. I tell people flat out, “You can’t enter me if you don’t have protection.” I think there’s a lasting stigma with HIV and AIDS within the queer community that really makes people respect [using condoms]. It’s kind of built into our cultural dialogue, more so maybe than hetero couples.

 

How would you describe Grindr to your Grandma?

A place for young men to meet. *laughs* That’s all grandma gets!

 

Any other thoughts on Grindr?

I think it is a meat market, in every sense of the term. My friend always says, “If you spend two hours on Grindr… it delivers.” It’s really interesting that Grindr operates in sexual absolutism that way. Like you’re probably going to get laid on Grindr if you spend enough time on there. Which can’t be said for any other area of your life.

 

How do you think that relates to casual sex and the queer community as a whole?

There’s this huge thing about queer promiscuity in relation to perceived heterosexual promiscuity. People just think queer people are fucking each other way more than straight people are. But I think there’s a cultural context for that. When the act of sex is demonized and outlawed, the act becomes so radical. People love to throw the false phrase around, “Men are hornier than women, so when there’s two men involved…” I think that negates the cultural significance of being able to have sex with whoever you want. That’s a very powerful, political tool, and a right that is not allotted to everyone.

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Do you think social media and these apps makes intimacy harder to come by? 

Yes and no. I do think there are more obstacles in our way to connection than there were, but I don’t think humans want it any less.

 

How does Jacob Seferian deal with rejection?

I’d say OK. I’d say physical rejection I deal with fairly well. [But] recently, I dealt with a more emotional rejection. I was seeing this guy and we technically broke things off mutually, but over time I realized he had pulled away beforehand. I felt like I had autonomy in that situation, but then in the months that followed I had to come terms with [the fact that] I was ready to take this relationship to the next level and he wasn’t. And I felt really emotionally rejected because of that, and that was much deeper for me. And I didn’t take that well… a lot of drinking and partying, sorry mom!

 

Can you describe the best sex of your life?

Yes. He lived in a peach-colored room.

 

Have you ever felt empty after sex?

Oh yeah, all time the time! *laughs* But I usually think it’s more personal than anything else. I’ve had sexual experiences where I’ve hooked up with a guy, and it was all fun and dandy, but I realized afterwards that I didn’t really want to be with someone else, I just wanted someone to want me in that moment. And that makes me feel a little empty… but I think I’m pretty kind to myself. Like I’m 22. I’m allowed to make mistakes, as long as I do so safely and I don’t violate myself or anyone else.

 

*Photo of Jacob by Kayla Roolaart.