Although many take having sex lightly, it is something that should be approached with knowledge, responsibility and the proper tools. It is important that your sexual experiences are positive and you walk away from them feeling good. We often forget that sex goes beyond just the physical act of intercourse. There are emotional and physiological components that are involved with sex. Understanding how sex affects the psyche can allow you to make smarter sexual decisions and be pleasured both physically and mentally. Below are some tips to keep in mind while having sex to ensure that the experience is fulfilling and positive!
Communicate! Communication is the key to a healthy relationship and sex life. For many people, this can be very difficult. It may be hard to show your partner what feels good or tell them that they are doing something wrong, but it is really important to have open dialogue. You should not only be telling your partner what feels good for you, but you should also be checking in on your partner to make sure they are being pleasured and feel comfortable. Having sex is an innately vulnerable act, so you should feel comfortable enough to communicate with your partner if you feel comfortable enough to have sex. The level of comfort you feel with your partner in telling them how you feel, what you like, and what you don’t like during sex can reveal a tremendous amount in terms of how right your relationship is and how ready you are to be sexually active with that person.
Start slow. Taking your time is very important during sex. Many couples and people feel rushed or full of energy and intensity when they start sexual actions. It is important to keep in mind that you need to go slow in order to make sure your bodies and minds are adjusting to sex. Things often feel more intense when you build up to them. You can always go faster, but going slow can make the act more intimate and sensitive.
There isn’t a “right way”. Many people feel insecure while having sex because they are constantly thinking about whether or not they are doing things the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way. Keep in mind that there is no such thing as the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way. Cluelessness is okay! Sexual activities can be a mix of trial and error and experimentation. You should explore what you like and don’t like, while being safe, responsible, and respectful of one another. Asking questions, trying new things, and figuring things out with practice and time are all normal and healthy. Many people feel insecure about not knowing how to do things, but in reality we’re all just figuring it out.
Sex is mutual. Make sure you are having partnered sex for the RIGHT reasons! You should never feel pressured or obligated to have sex with someone. You shouldn’t have sex to impress your partner or friends or to gain status or reputation. Having sex to keep a partner from leaving, avoiding problems, feeling rushed to have sex, replace masturbation, comfort someone else, or boost your confidence are all very bad reasons to have sex. There are many more reasons, but those are a few common ones. Sex should be an intimate and mutual way to share pleasure and care. Everyone should be on the same page and should be enjoying sex from all aspects (physically, mentally, and emotionally).
Sex is not just a physical act. Sex and sexual activities are a lot more than just getting off. Even if the actual act of sex feels good, it should feel good after as well! You should feel that ethically and intellectually you are okay with what you are doing and have given it thought previous to doing so. It is not uncommon to wake up regretting what you did the night before or being unsatisfied with your sexual decisions. Try to learn from those mistakes or avoid them. Sex should be a really positive and healthy part of your life, which is something we often forget. It’s okay to make mistakes — we all do — but try to be thoughtful about what you want to do and are okay with doing. You’ll be more likely to make good decisions when you have thought about what you want sexually. You should respect your partner outside of the sexual setting and you should be getting health checks done routinely, not just after or in emergencies.