As sexual beings who engage in sexual behavior, I find it rather sad how much of a stigma is attached to STDs and the discussion around them. Granted, it can be difficult to have “the talk” with a new partner considering it’s not a topic everyone loves to discuss. Being someone who (in the past) only slept with people I dated, I never worried and I felt comfortable not using a condom. I knew my partner had been tested, was clean, and monogamous with me. And I was on birth control so I didn’t have to worry about pregnancy.
Recently, I’ve entered a new playing field and have started sexual partnerships with someone I am not exclusive with; I found it very uncomfortable to bring up the discussion of STDs. As someone who has never really faced this before, I was concerned that someone (myself) who is so comfortable with discussing sex was still uncomfortable asking my partner if they were tested. I think it was the first time I realized that sometimes it’s harder than it sounds!
I think the most important piece of advice I can give is: to always use a condom with new partners and with existing partners unless you are both tested, negative, and exclusive with one another.
Girls!! Carry condoms in your purse! Have some in your bed stand! Don’t expect guys to have them. Although it is their responsibility as much as it is yours, you shouldn’t expect that they will have one or that it’s their duty. You are in charge of your body and what goes into it. You can and should tell them to use a condom.
Using a condom correctly, cuts down on 80-85% risk of getting an STI – that’s a huge percentage and should be an incentive for you to get used to using them.
I do think it’s important to have this talk with new partners; it can uncomfortable but one of my main objectives with this blog is to open up the discussion of sex based topics so we can remove the stigma attached to them and hopefully prevent STIs from spreading. Hopefully, if we open up the discussion, it will eventually become normalized and people tell the truth and STIs won’t spread as rapidly.
Asking a partner if they’re tested is important! And getting tested yourself is more important. It’s your responsibility, as a sexually active person, to be safe and healthy. When engaging in any partnered sex, you owe it to the person you’re sleeping with to know if you have anything. You can be very straight forward and ask, “When was the last time you were tested?” And then make it clear that you want to use condoms until they get tested. If you are exclusive and both tested negative, only then should consider not using a condom. Even though I rarely have new sex partners, I get tested often because knowing I have my test results easily accessible keeps my mind at ease. Also, I think it’s very important not to shame someone with an STD or STI, clearly they didn’t choose or want to get it.
If you start a sexual relationship with someone who has Herpes Type 2, it’s important to use condoms always and to not have sex during an outbreak. Someone with Herpes can still have a sex life! They just need to be honest when with new partners and, sadly, not all people are understanding but there are preventative measures you can take so as not pass it on to your partner.
Safe sex is fucking hot. Knowing you’re being responsible and safe is very empowering and allows you to enjoy sex more because you’re not worrying about STDs, pregnancy, or anything else. It’s also very important to remember that STIs can happen to ANYONE. So just because your partner is really cute and looks clean, DOES NOT mean they are clean from STDs and/or STIs. Most people living with STIs are undiagnosed, so, do yourself a favor and get tested often! And sleep with people who also get tested. The only peer pressure I believe in is STI testing pressure lol. I pressure my friends to get tested all the time!